The First Series
First
By : Lady Sirona lsirona@pacbell.net,
Rated NC17 [Buffy/Angel] M/F consensual sex, oral and anal sex, blood
play, BDSM, roleplay
Spoilers: Up to Bad Eggs then the universe splits off from there
Because of my personal and professional life, I will be unable to finish the series. Instead of leaving people hanging, I am posting the IM rough draft that the series was based on.The story is here as well as the plot and the smut. My good friend Dallas transcribed the IM format into something you could read. Thank you Dallas for all the hard work!
14 firstB-buffy lay holding angelus in her arms as he slept
A-Angelus was in hell... he was reliving the tortures his sire put him through when he had tried to
break free of her control... he relived the whipping, the flaying, the implement...he started to
thrash... eventually to beg... anything to stop the pain....Noonoononon Darla please nonon I won't
do it again... I promise... Please no nonoB-she jerked up.. angelus!!!!!...she shook him ever so softly.. angelus come on it's a dream.. come to
me come to
my voce...Angelus!!!!!!A-No No BUFFY! he comes awake with a scream crying for the one who can stop the
pain....B-come on honey wake up.. it's ok you're safe.. she shook him harder
A-he looks at her he is frightened and wild eyed...
B-pulls his head to her chest and holds him there.. hands running through his hair..
A-shuddering...
B-easy angelus.. I'm here t was just a dream.. it's over ssshh
A-Buffy? his voice quiet...almost disbelieving
B-she rocked him softly almost like a child.. I'm here angelus.. it's ok....kissing the top of his hair...
A-I am sorry... I had a nightmare...
B-it's ok... she lay her cheek on the top of his head..just relax angelus... ut's ok...
A-shivers and burros into her arms... the incongruity of her comforting him was
beyond his thought... she was the Slayer.. she would keep him safe....B-she just held him whispering soothing words to him....her heart breaking seeing someone as
strong as angelus broken this way...A-he slowly pulls away and rolls out of bed... he needs to feed...
B-lets him go watching him with sad eyes.. she lay back on the bed just watching not
speaking..A-he limps over to the refrigerator and takes out the blood
B-sighs... she stretches in the bed but doesn't move.. knows he'll be back..
A-he turns his back to her... once again shy of feeding having forgotten he fed in front of almost
everyone the day before..drinks his full and crawls back to the bed... sore and hurting...moans as
he crawls back into bed with her...B-holds her arms out to him... come on love.. it's ok...
A-he falls asleep and slides into the sleep of the dead...nose nestled in her hair
B-he reminded her od s wounded puppy....she felt tears coming to her eyes...phone rings..oh
angelus.. how could this happen....reaches over and answers quickly..G-how is he doing?
B-so it doesn't wake him..better I think.. still having nightmare.. but he just feed himself...
G-good was he ravenous or shy?
B-shy very shy.. she didn't move letting angelus keep his close contact with her.. it's terrible giles it's
angelus yet he's terrified.. he has to feel my touch.. know i'm there...G-The torture took him back to when he was a new vampire at the mercy of his
sire...... I discovered... they had him longer than right before dawn...B-what??/ how long????
G-best I can figure form about 10pm
B-she looked at angelus and gently rubbed his hair kissing it tenderly...
G-the vampire had him almost 12 hours...
B-10 pm??? oh my god... frowns that's when he first went to patrol... she kissed him again.. this
time crying silently into his hair...when did you see him giles??G-He left the library at 930pm... Xander had gone to look for him in the cemetery his
first patrol... but he never showed up...that was 10pm...he disappeared between the cemetery and
the libraryB-frowns it's strange though, they must have know where he was... blinks.. he didn't
say anything about changining his planes???G-no he was following your usual patrols...we need to vary your patrols more...
B-frowns getting a feeling giles wasn't telling her the whole truth... uh huh.. giles what aren't you
telling me???G-I think we need to vary your patrols you are to predictable... to easy to set a trap
for you if they figure out your patrol methodB-she sighed giles.. don't make me come over there.... what don't you want me to know??
G-I don't know what you mean Buffy... I was concerned about Angel.. wanted to
know he was ok I am relived your back in fighting form... that all... hangs upB-why would you be concerned ....she's talking to a dial tone... frowns... thinking about it.. rings his
number....no answer...rings the cell phone.. really not liking where her thoughts were taking her...G-Giles. in ripper tone.
B-he planned this didn't he?? ice cold slayer voice....
G-No buffy I don't thin he planned what he got at all...
B-you two did this to get me figthing again??
G-I didn't do it, I didn't know it and I didn't have any idea of it
B-but he went out as bait to lure me back and you let him???
G-I did NOT let him...
B-you know he was planning something though did you!!!!
G-I even sent Xander and cordelia after him when he disappeared out of the fucking
library but it was too lateB-hurt and anger in her voice... whimpers.. this is my fault then....
G-He made a passing comment and when he disappeared before I even processed it... No buffy.. it
is isn't...Come to the library Buffy. NOW Ripper tone...B-this really was caused because I went weak... no giles I'm here with him now...
G-put the shirt you wearing over his face...so he smells your scent and get over here
B-first time ever disobeying him... why???
G-he'll be ok as long as he smells you ..because if you don't want him very upset... don't make me
come to youB-why do i have to be at the library so you can pat my hand and say no it wasn't my
fault...G-no I need you here NOW...Buffy do as I say.
B-sighs you always seem to need me when I;m in my hour of need strange that last
time we did this I ended up in hospital losing my baby.., I'm on my way.. she hung up the
phoneG-sighed it was time to come seriously clean with his slayer... and it was going to
be uglyB-she did as she had been told easing away from angelus and slipping her shirt over him before
throwing on one of his shirts and walking to the library... she entered and stayed close to the door
not feeling comfotrable to go nearer him..G-Giles was sititng at the table drinking the eral grey tea extra strong ... buffy recognized it as his
watchers style of having a "stiff one"… waves to the chair on the other side of the tableB-averts her eyes but sits.. not looking at him... what is this giles?????… more crap aboput my job
and fate???... really not wanting to be there.. lashing out at the one person she could..G-Buffy- shut the fuck up -ripper tone.
B-swallowed hard and looked at him.. glaring slightly...
G-I didn't want to be a Watcher... I wanted to be a fighter piolet or a grocer... but my
fate led me to be a watcher and your watcher...You never wanted to be a Slayer...and ironicly your
the greatest Slayer we have ever seen...B-waved for him to get to the point
G-You have saved the worl numerous time and you have defeated the master who has never been
defeated in recorded history…But the Slayer is more than just you and I... it is a calling... a mysticl
creature as mystical as the Creature it slayers.B-.. get to the point ripper...
G-If a Slayer has been damaged beyond function and no longer can do their job but is
not killed then that slayer has to be retired to keep the line going... throws the letter at her
Watcher Giles~ It has come to our attention your Slayer is no longer
functional and that infact Angelus is doing her job for her. As it lauds you that your honor
foe the slayer is of such a degree... it is our unfortunate situation if your slayer does not
resume her duties effectively within the fortnight she we be forcibly retired. We cannot
let one person stop the system ..Your slayer is the best slayer we have in recorded history, but if she is
non
functional then she must be retired to allow the next slayer to take the mantel ~ G-There it is.B-reads it... looks at him thanks ripper now I really know that it's my fault angel
nearly died.. thanks for the nice ego boost...G-You had paid a price you couldn't accept and you became non functional…Damn it Buffy I had
no idea what he was going to do and I can assure you he never planned to have that happen... I
am willing to bet he planned to let spike capture him and you rescue him like you have done for
ages before...B-looks at him... you think I give a damn about any of this.. they took the greatest
thing in my life from me... they can't give that back... I'll slay but if any watcher other than you
ever comes near me.. I will kill them Giles....G-something to get that famous Summers anger going... who was it that said y" you
can send assassins after me... but no body messes with my boyfriend?"..Throws himself into a
chair.B-the one that dead when she was drained by a vamp in watcher central because she
was betrayed by a watcher...G-Buffy every person in the watcher organization has dedicated their life to the
Slayer. If killing any Watcher in the council would keep you alive they would do so willingB-I'm sure.. they're so helpful so far....
G-Damn it Buffy !..Do you think I like sitting here sending you out into the unknown? Do you think
I liked watching your heart break when you lost you child?..Or how about when I saw you zipped
in that fucking morgue pack? Buffy I have dedicated my life to you.B-glares at him... no I don't think you did but the rest of them didn't care.. they gave
me nothing no sorry about my loss no time to mourn no nothing.. they crashed my wedding
followed me on my honeymoon..G-If I don't do it the way you want it... excuse me…You were fucking marrying ANGELUS
B-you're one only other person after angel I trust with my life Giles.. the only other
one…looks at him hurt.. and even know you're the same as them I thought you'd
understand at least.. with that she got up and walked out...G-I know he was the Slayer killer even though I am allowing the council to believe
the real slayer killer was Zargon... I will correct on my death bedB-stops at the door zargon was the slayer killer.. angelus trained him...
G-Buffy if you walk out on me now before we settle this I will have no option but to
resign as your watcher... I can not function this way..I know. he told me I cannot live and fuction
with this animosity you have toward me and the watchers.B-looks back at him... then settle it... what do you want from me giles????? the man I
love was baten almost to death and you want to kiss and make up?????G-the invasion of your wedding and your honeymoon was made by one man ... the
traitor,.,,,NOT THE WHOLE COUNCILB-I dpon't hate you giles... smiles.. you're like a afther to me.. I love you....
G-The watchers who flollowed his orders thoght they were doing the right things and
following council orders...Your punsihing those who you need to help you....B-frowns... looking at him... dammit giles I can't just froget it...... every night I wake
up and see zargons face above me... it takes time to heal and trust.... and it scares me!!!!G-you are seperating yourself form those who are needed to keep you safe...
B-even going near angelus scares me attimes....
G-I know... zargon got to thomas... we haven't fogured out how yet... and he set it
up...Angelus taught him well... very wellB-nods.... moves to giles like a lost child...
G-Please Buffy..he envelopes her in his arms hand hugs her tight..I am so sorry you lost the baby...
B-I can trust you giles.. but i need time for the rest..
G-But just remember Buffy... they were lied to and mislead... they meant no malice...
they were betrayed by someone they would have died for...B-bruying herslef aganist him... it was so inncoent giles.. would have even known
why it was killed.... nods sloely.. i'll try...snif slightly can you drive me home??G-no... it was killed along with you to hurt Angelus. You once again survived
death... and a Slayer was activated in bostonB-nods three slayers.... really mucking up the rules aren';t I??…looks at him i need to be with
angelus if he wake....G-chuckles... I am petioning that since you have been succeeded twice when you
need to retitre you be allowed to…let me drive you...B-nods thanks...
G-Buffy I know for a fact he didn't plan this to happen... don't let it ruin what you have built...
please...B-nods i know but it still hurts.. you know?..sighs i'll try giles but there's this huge part that says if I
had been string it would
never have happenedG-yes it does... but remember... He is a night watcher. and he took a soul oath that he would keep
you from harm, even at cost of his life and soul... Buffy, your human you can only bee so strong...
you are the storngest slayer on record...with great powrer, comes grerat responibilityB-he's my husband... I should have been at his side...
G-I know you feel that way... you have the ability to be at his side now... don't blow
it...B-curls up in her seat.. looking outside....nos slowly. I'll try not to.. giles.... thanks.....
G-he has literaly gone through hell... both of them…he needs your love and your caring... not you
anger or your guilt...B-I know that... like I say I can only try...
G-tell him what you need to hear and let him talk .."do or do not... there is no try"
B-nods i will... if he's strong enough.....
G-chuckles... I have been saving that for ages
B-smiles at him.. then reaches over and kisses him on the cheek.. thank you.. didn't even know you
saw tv..G-nods and parks... bought the movies when they wwere on sale....I know how yoda feels...
B-she steps out chuckling.... I beat.. when am i getting a sword?? she sighed then pulled herself
together and walked down to the apartment.. Angel isn't in bed... She hears the shower
running...easing inside quietly... angelus??? it was a soft call honey I'm back...she can feel him
clamped down n the link... he has figured how to block it...she went and got a glass of water a little
bit hurt about the link being blocked even if it was for her own good..A-he is still in the shower
B-frowns and eneters the bathroom.. . angelus hon???
A-he is hunkered in the shower on the floor crying...totally devestated... no sound just blood
stained tears streaking down his face...B-oh god.. she drops her drink and runs into the shower dressed.. falling to her knees
at his side.. angelus???A-turns to her... she sees it is angel
B-she put a hand on his shoulder before pulling him to her..
A-You were gone... I thoght you left me....
B-angel.. oh god .. angel it's ok.. let it out...it's ok...I had to go to the library giles needed to talk to
me...A-hid his head *oh shit she knows!*
B-I'll never ever leave you... no matter what.. you ready to come out.. go back to bed and rest...I'll
stay with you...kisses him gently...A-allows her to pull hi up and he gets out... wraps a towle around his waist a gimps
to the bed quickly dries the hair lightly and falls on the bed...B-sighs and quickly strips..dries herself.. sliipng into the bed with him naked...
A-Buffy.. I have a confession to make... pulls her to him
B-arms go around him... what is it angel???..letting him do it himself..
A-I left the library the other night with the intention to let spike and his cronies
capture me so you would be motivated past you fear to fight.B-nods slowly.. I know...
A-I didn't tell Giles my plan. but I think he figgured it out
B-she kissed hi lightly.. he did he didn't like it. less than i did...
A-I never got the chance... Sir Roberts minions grabed in instead... I never had a
chanceB-he also knew exactly how i'd react to it.....
A-Even if I hadn't planned it... It would have gone down that way
B-god angel.. if I had been there maybe it would have been ok...
A-I was prepared...partially. when I relaized it was Sir... I couldn't let you feel it...All I could pray
for was for you to survive...B-why not.. angel.. it would have lessened your pain and told me when you got
caught,, god angel 12 hours of going through what i said was in the pastA-Buffy I didn't want you to chance going up against Sir... not weak like you were
not locking up like you wereB-she rested her head against him.. didn't seem so tough when i saw him.. small mutter…kissing his
shoulder...god angel if I had been any later or they hadn't left me that note.. I would have lost you..
frowns speaking of which..she went over to the dresser and picked up his wedding ring.. and
placed in in his hand... you looked bare with out this.. small smile..A-yeah i do
B-i'm sorry angel...sorry for locking up putting you and everyone in danger...
A-hey its ok its understandable....
B-if i had been strong you wouldnn't be hurts.. angelus wouldn't so the way he is...
A-Buffy even if you had I still would have gotten nailed...
B-shakes her head i don't know that..
A-I know that because I fought like hell and got no where....
B-snuggls into..him careful not to hurt him...she kissed him softly..guess it made up for you having
to save me so often and play doctor.. you just wanted a turn.. small smile trying to brigten the
mood she looked up at him..smileing.. then slowly shut her eyes.. resting for the first time in days...A-Angel slept and slid into hell... his hell was his past and it was being visited all too often ..The lash
across his back splitting his skin and making his blood flow while the wound where his skins had
been removed was a burning pain... He felt his leg bone break and damned in his mind whoever
made it so vampires could feel incredible pain without dying of it... Angelus begged Darla to stop...
but her anger at fininding him in bed with another vampiress had no bounds... and she was going
to teach him she was not to be denied…He had aplogozed, and he had begged. he had professed
his devotion to her...and had attempted in several languages anything that could stop him form
being tortured so... but the pain kept coming... he remebered and relived the experience of being
given to the other vampire... the one who tortured him for a year... "since you want another so"
was Darla's explination to why she did it... his whole body hurt...and the pain he experienced in
reality trasnformed into the terror and torture he lived with for over a year in his early years as a
vampire... his body thrashed and his mouth cried out in Gaelic to Darla to stop the pain... to forgive
him....B-Buffy was awakened by his thrashing and heard his pleas in what she assumed to be Gaellic. he
was thrashing, his
eyes rapidly moving under the lid deep in REM and he was pleading... lost in whatever night mare
had him in it;s grip. She
started to try to wake him... which was never easy in this state …He needed to be saved... he knew
that...and only oneperson could save him "BUFFY" he screamed as he wrenched himself out of
the dream and into her armsB-hey.... easy hon... she wrapped her arms a round him ... I'm here it's ok
A-he shivetred in her arms... and tried to calm himslef... with almost no result... he had relived
..everything....B-she cradled him, kissing his head softly... I'm here now it's ok.. you're sfae now..
A-he almost cowered... then burrowed into her arms...
B-she looked at him, so lost... her haert broke..... it's over now... it's ok nothing can get you now...
G-he nodded agaisnt her an continued to hold her in a grip, that had she not been the slayer would
have hurt her
deeplyB-holding him close and snuggled them both into the blankets.... it' ok... honey its ok.. she thought
about his reaction and tried to work out who it was...angelus?? it's ok love it is...A-Buffy? he asked... it confused... he hasd lost correlation to the time line and the world
B-yeah honey.. it's me.... I'm here for you...I'm not leaving..she kissed his hair softly..
A-Please no more?
B-shut her eyes to stop from crying... no there's no more pain angelus noone can hurt you now.. I
promise...A-I'll be good... I promise... no more... mumbles as he snuggles into her
B-she tightened her grip on him.... I know you will.. I'll protect you.. I swear..she nuzzled his hair
softly.. knowing that angelus had been broken.. and silently dying of it...A-he drifts off to sleep again... leaving Buffy to contemplate what happened and knew the one
person who would
know... GilesB-she sighes.. and reached over to the phone.. than glanced at the time.. he'll kill me.. she dailed his
cell phone
number...G-giles... mummbles asleep
B-giles it's me....
G-are you ok Buffy?
B-I think I need your help...she looked down at angelus. kissed him gently...
G-oh right so... let me put on a spot of tea... [very british when sleepy]
B-sighs thanks.. do you want me there?? I'm not sure angelus will be ok if I leave him...could you
come here???G-Is it that important Buffy?
B-it's about angelus....
G-Is he ok?
B-i don't think he's ok.. or going to make it... sad confession...
G-on my way....[click]
B-put the phone down and just held angelus before getting up and dressing...
A-He is sleeping restlees ly but not thrashing...
B-she sat on the bed dressed and just gnetly stroked his hair.. ssshh love it's ok..
A-he calms with her touch... repositions himself so his face is right next to her... she realizes he
tryuly does respond
to her scent on almost an anamilistic levelB-she picked up her shrit from the day before and lay it beside him.. thinking of it almost as a
teddy bear for
him...A-when she got up... he turned to the shirt... nuzziling into it and it calmed him...
B-sighing she moved into the lounge room... she sat staring up at the pic he'd dran... mourning the
loss of the old
angelus....*i taught him feelings and those very feelings are what I'm losing him too}..a quiet knock
was heard on the door..she jumped up and opened it...G-Giles stood there with several books and hi pot of tea and coffe cup... he obviously planned a
long tnight...B-looked at giles with tired eyes.. had hardly slept since angel had been hurt......smiles at him and
stepped back.. thanks giles please come in...angelus is sleeping.. untill he has anouther night mre
we're ok....G-he steps in and glances at Angelus sleeping on the bed snuggles into her shirt.. He smiled he had
been right about
his sense of smell....Ok Buffy... Tell me everything....B-she took giles's books and placed them on the desk....he's lost giles... emotionally and mentally
he's like a broken man...G-he sat down and slowly siped his tea allowing her to collect her thoughts..Angel?
B-no angels strong.. I can talk to angel.. he's just weak.. it's angelus that's broken..
G-Angelus is broken? How for God's sake?
B-every time he sleeps he relives what happened while he was a fledging...the only time he speaks is
when he's begging me to stop his pain....G-Giles winces. he obvioulsy knows something of Angelus as a Fledgling
B-she looked at angelus.. and sighed... he's completely dependant on me....giles when i found
anel.....they'd impaled him giles.... it was the worse thing she'd done and they did it for the pleasure
of it... she sighed
feeling tears come to her eyes...G-blanched. -Impaled him HOW?
B-this time through the stomache and up wards with a wooden stick..but when darla did it she did
it properly with a metal spike...G-swallowed and nodded. he seemed to accept it in passing...Buffy... you need to know a few
things...B-she wiped a tear away... nods slowly... ok...
G-Angelus was turned form waht we can figure August 1 1753
B-nodded
G-we know the date... because it was the last entry by Mary Collins... Elizebeth Boyles Watcher.
His Sister Was a
Slayer.B-I know...got to tell you something about that....
G-My best frind in the Watcher council had a fascination for Angelus [shrugges] and formed the
largest collection of
information on him...B-then chuckles it was a female watcher??? oh boy you're going to love my story later
G-I sent for a copy of all he had when Angelus came back out
B-gets back to the topic... and nods seriously...there was some interesting stuff in it???
G-We figgure he was turned on August 1. or shortly thereafter... in a way to take the Slayer down.
He was her
favorite brother... from a large familyB-nods i know.. it worked too....
G-Yes ... yes it did.
B-the sister couldn't even fight him ...
G-Initially Angelus was not the fearsomevampire he later became.
B-nods.. he refused to kill...darla odered him to kill childern and he refused...she rembered him
telling her what darla had done to him...and she flayed him... small whiper...G-that was a minor punishment..he reported had ...uh... well... seen another vimpiress...other than
Darla in 1754B-looked at giles... he said she impaled him for cheating... cut out his liver once.. and gave him
away as a slave for
a year....she stood up and walked to the bedroom door looking in at the sleeping figure...G-well she taught him a "lesson" breaking his legs... repeatedly... and yes cutrtting out his liver... i
paling him in the
traditonal sense for cheating...What my friend discovered... was it went on for a week...B-shuts her eyes... he went through hell.. and is back there now...
G-When Angelus was seen again after that... he was quite vicious
B-she looked at giles.. he said once it was ever feed or be fed on... and he laernt quickly....I guess it
was understandable...G-then In 1755 he was given as a gift to a vampire for a year. This vampiress was someone whom
Darla apparently
owed favors and they were cancelled for a year of Angleus "services"B-nods.... angelus told me small bits about it... he killed her... after she tourtured him so bad he has
scars...G-No one knows what he experienced in her care... but when he was once again seen in 1776... he
was the most
vicious and cruelest vampire on record 1756B-nods.. i know enough... he told me bits.... ... he's reliving it all giles.. every bit..he keeps beggin me
to make it go away and he'll behave.. I don't know what to do....G-It is not unusual... and Buffy you trained him to have emotions... so now he is experiencing
empathy... for a
hundred and someting plus years of attrocities...B-I know but in the process his very being is breaking giles... you haven't seen him.. it's not right...
G-Angelus was born in 1753, a demon yes but essential anew creature who didn't know the world.
Imagine a baby
with the powers of a vampire for a moment...B-she nods slowly.... he's gone back to his fledgling like state.. and is rebliuding...
G-like any creature they learn form their "parents" and his was Darla... slut to the Master.
B-nods slowly... looks up i asked him waht the master did to him.. he never answered me...He has
replaced Darla with You. He killed her for you...almost an unheard of thing...he keeps begging me
not to hurt him.... it is tearing me apart... to see this...G-He supported you in killing the Master... and has essentially submitted to you as his power
figure...I am sure... that his time being torured... the defense against such horror is to dissassociate
form what is
happening,.. unfortunately it seems he has assosciated the pain with the history...When he feels
phsical pain.. the body replays his meemeories...In effect he relives his torture he experienced as a
fledgling...and seeks the power person.. you... to stop the
torture...I feel he will survive Buffy... he survived a year of torture and quiet extensive torture at
Darla's hand... but what is
causing him a problem is what to do witht he rage it causesB-frowns what rage?? all he does is cower and hold me...
G-as the parental figue you need to take him firmly in hand...and teach him how to work with his
emotions..and
twhen the rage comes...and it will you need to show him how to focus it...B-all I feel is his pain...
G-Trust me... right now the cowering was what stopped the torture the last time...
B-parental figure???? I'm his wife....he's the one that's always protected me...
G-It worked before... and his mind hopes it will again...while in reality all will work is healing
enough so his body
doesn't hurt....yes but as an emotional creature... he is a young child.B-it's so hard to see him like this... you think soon he'll get voilent... try to go back into form as the
killer he
was???G-reviewing the emotional developement of children may help you
B-looked at giles and nodded... god,, it's so hard....so hard....
G-precisely... instead of the vitim... become the victimizer except he now has emotions...and feleings
and that is oign
to cause a problem in the system..welcome to parenthood...B-she sat down and cradled her head almost exhausted...i just hope that he'll become himself again
with time....G-several things you will have to do... if I am right...and I usually am...
B-smiles at his words.. what????
G-1. you need to be supportive but firm... show him what you want form him and tell him what is
expected... don't
incourage the groveling... give direct orders and directions he can obtain and then reward him...
sounds petty... but he his in a
mindset where he is being punished severly for trasngressions... he need positive feedback... He
needs to know he has pleased
you..One of the things common in abuse is the abuse and the making up cuddly afterweards... you
have to break the
cycle.B-nods slowly... he was the dom you know... now we are completely reversed....
G-don't "comfort him " from the abuse... reward him for behaviour
B-so next nightmare what am i supposed to do???frowns..I can't push him away when he needs
my comfort giles...G-wake him. demand he wake up...stand and interact with you... give him a task... like take a
shower... then
reward his actions with attention...B-attention???
G-don't comfort him with the torure meemory... reward his complience to your orders.
B-so I have to make him talk..pulll him out of his shell???
G-he wants you attention Buffy... he needs it more than blood right now... make him work for it
B-god giles this is going to be very painful giles...it will hurt me and him....
G-yes it will. It will hurt like hell
B-nods ok anything else??
G-The end result will be an adult emotional being...When the anger comes... make it very clear
what is and is not an appropriate outletB-nods... it's helping him so i can do it...he hurts himslef.. stabbed himself once....
G-at a time of high emotional pain?
B-yeah... the first time he was in control after I found out who zargon was...I lashed out.. angel
almost went into the dawn..angelus stabbed himself not knowing what else to do..G-Yes I remember his distress... perfect example of unable to handle the emotion... so he took it to
a physicval level
...which he could handleB-exacrtly.. so i have to teach him different..nods.. If I get to talk to angel i may get him to stop
angelus hurting himslef..I don't even think angelus can let go though..he'd be afraid we'd lock him
away...G-Angel was a adult emotional being when he crossed over but had to deal with the acrions and
meemories of
Angleus when he was cursed with his soulB-I know... he's beenthrough what angelus is going through I think...
G-I think that time will tell and I think he and Agnelu will survive
B-nods i hope so... I sure the hell will drag him through it...you are going to have to... and it will not
be easy or pretty...nods slowly.. be hard.. slaying and watching him..haven't been out yet... they all
quiet knwoing I'm back??G-Oh yes. Sir Robert had quite a reputation... and you trashed him....
B-nods good.. it will take a lot to convince him I'll be back whenever i go out...
G-Giles attention was caught by a mumbled Gaelic obcenity he had only read but never heard
come form the bedB-turned slightly... looks at angelus... I think we're about to have test number one..make him have
a shower huh?? looks at giles this is the right thing right??A-Angelus was thrashing in his sleep again... beggin for it to stop... and that he would again be
good and properly
obedient... the words were in old Gaellic and Giles caought most the essece if no the exact
trasnlationG-nodded to her... having her be firm was going to hurt her more than it would hurt him
B-she slowly alked into the room.. sat on the bed besides angelus.. she shuit her eyes for a
moment...angelus!!!!!!A-he opens his eyes... fear and confusion in them..his eyes lock on her..he starts to curl into her
seeking attention and comfortB-she used her firmest voice.. Angelus .. come on, you're going to have a shower...she stood up..
out of his reach..get up angelus...A-stares at her bewlidered, his eeys clearly showing his betrayl
B-swallows forcing herself to continue... angelus!! up.. shower now!!!
A-he rolled out of bed and stood at her command... he is slightly confused and bewildered but
follows her commandB-looks over at giles for an instant..get in the shower.. wash your self.. and get dressed...
A-he seemed as if he wanted to cower but was unsur of what she wanted form him..walks into the
bathroom...B-shuts her eyes almost collasping from the hurt she'd felt from angelus..looks at giles for
support...A-she can feel his terror and his fear melting into a feeling of security... he has clar things to do and
can do them... he
can obey and please herG-nodded at her... she did it very well..whispers is his fear lessining?
B-same thing all the time.. what do i do to reward him???small whipers..
G-is his terror less?
B-focuses on him.. and nods yeah it is..he feels safe...
G-looks at her with a silly expression... I thinbk you can think of something...
B-looks back at him... sex???? i can't even have sex.. neither can he.....
G-of course he feels safe .. he has direct instructions and an action he can acomplish not thi
namless dread...touch him buffy... stroke him...how would you reward a puppy you wr=ere
training? attention... do the same...He doesn't need sex... he needs loving and holding and touch.B-looks at him..nods ok... what if he diobeys????...i can't punish him....
G-remove you attention... ignore him.. verbalize you displeasure.. you will find it will be very
effective at this stage...
probably more effective than whipping him...He has been trained and processed to please his
authority figure and gain positive feedback... use thatB-nods slowly all right.... next job after him dressing is getting him to feed i think.. even angel has
gone shy again...G-she hears him opening the bathroom door
B-stops talking and looks over at the door...
A-he comes out... he has partially dried his hair and obviously brushed it... he has shaved... and
wears boxersB-smiles at him and goes to him..kisses him softly.. good boy...
A-he looks down at her... hesitient... not sure what she will do
B-she cups his cheek softly... rubbing it gently...
A-he hugs her and nuzzles her hair and just holds her...
B-you did good....
A-she can feel his fear deisolving and his feeling of being wanted and appreciated return
B-she biuld her strength up... now you have to feed....
A-I am not dressed yet....
B-she nodded.. ok.. finsh dressing.. then feed..
A-nods
B-smiles softly... glad he's willng to get completely dressed..
A-he slides into his pants and pulls on a white t shirt
G-catches her eys and smiles and nods
B-sees his necklace where she left it.. here you go... hands it to him..smiles back at giles...
A-are we going out? he askes her looking at his boots
B-looks over at giles raising an eyebrow...
A-do I need boots? slides the necklace on unconciously
G-shakes head no
B-looks back at angelus... no you don't need them..
A-nods then looks at her...
B-she smiles.. you look good.. kisses his cheek softly..then softly strokes his chest...
A-he rubs agaisnt her like a cat... is is obvious he craves her... just touching her makes him feel
good,,, makes him
feel ovedB-smiles lieeting him hold her for a minute before pulling away..angelus.. you have to feed
now....Buffy sees giles pantomine eating and pointing to his eyes as if to watchA-nods
B-nods at giles slightly..and I want to see you feeding..
A-goes to the kitchedn and takes te blood and puts it in a pan and starts to warm it
B-she follows him... standing at the door..
A-how long had Giles been here Buffy?
B- frowns... a whiles...a few hours i think.. I needed to talk to him about some things...looks over
her shoulder at giles smiling at him...A-Wow I slep throgh that -shruggs feels the blod it is at least not refigerator temp... pours it into a
32 ounce glass
and rinses the pan...walks toward her with obvious intention of sititng down with her anfd Giles to
drinkB-nods you needed the sleep...smiles at him..
A-I am so damned tired
B-and sits down beside giles..
A-I sleep but I don't seem to get any rest
B-raises an eyebrow... glances at giles....
G-well with all you have been though... that is not unsusal...
A-sips at the blood in the glass almost like a soda... he is not transforming... just taking in raw
sustenceB-nods.. you'll get back into proper habits soon enough.. don't worry about it too much..
A-Angelus sits on on couch and frowns a bit... with Buffy obvoiusly sititng with her watcher... and
not him...am I trouble?...anxiety building...B-looks at him...no you're not in trouble..she thought and realised why he was upset..
A-just curious... looks down... takes another sip...
B-she stood and moved.. stting down beside him..she can feel him relax... anxiety leaving...looked at
him.. better???A-nods... he doesn't know why but having her close makes him feel.....safe
B-she placed a hand gently on his thigh rubbing it softly.. soothingly..then caught giles's eye..she
mouthed the word angel? at him... wondering if she should ask angelus about angel...G-he looked at her and shrugged...
A-leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes
B-frowns... then realised he was letting her call the shots...she braced herself.. angelus.. will you do
something for me???A-Angel opened his eyes a bit disorented...shakes his head no... lookes at buffy confused.
B-frowns.. angel???
A-nods and then looks into the glass confused? he was drininking in fornt of Buffy and GILES?
B-it's ok angel.. i told angelus he had to feed infront of us...he obeyed...
A-raises his eyebrow
B-looks at angel...... how you holding out... I need to explain some stuff to you.. and will need your
help with
angelus..A-shruggs I am ok he is totally...messed up...he is doing now what I did in 1918
B-nods yeah we know.. we found a way to fix him... treat him as a child and teach him all over
again..it's the fact you're stronger that we need your help with him...I'm treating him as a perent..
giving him tasks then rewarding him if he does them.. punishing him if he doesn't...shwoing him the
right way to act from the wrong way...A-Angel nods...your reprograming what Darla and the Bitch did?...So Buffy we are now the proud
parents of a 165 year old demon?B-nods.. yeah although mentally he's only a fledgling...so you're willing to help me??
A-Well I liked it better as fledgling anyway... Darla and the Bitch really twisted him...yeah... I
assume Giles is playing GrampaB-nods.. yeah i think we an untwist him.. that's why I need you when he gets voilent..yep.. grandad
is giles position that and he's the one keeping me strong..thank you for this angel.. it means s lot to
me....A-He will you know... the rage will come
B-nods slightly.. I know..... and I'll teach him to control it.. you'll stop him from using it agaoinst
himself..A-Just promise me one thing buffy... if your serious in danger. Kill us. Don't let him hurt you
B-I know how to stop him from it....looks at him... he won't hurt me angel...i'm all he has...I've been
up against his rage before and he couldn't harm me he won't now..but if it makes you feel better I
promise...A-Don't count on it buffy that is all I ask... don't count on it.. protect yourself
B-nods.. if i have to I'll fight him..I promise you angel...she leans over and kisses him softly...thank
you angel...A-nods- pulls he into him and kisses her thoughly... "If he seriously messes with you... kick him in
the balls... it will
stop him cold"B-she sighes.... can you let him back out??? I know he will hate not being in control.. she smiles at
him sadly...I'm sorry angel.. but I'll make him swap often as a test...A-remember....leans back and switches
B-looks at giles.. slightly concerned...
A-Angelus leans forward and takes a swig out of the glass
B-hey angelus.... good boy she pats his back gently...you ok???
A-is there any particular reason why your talking to me like a fucking dog?
B-she kept her hand on him slightly.. no.. i can talk to you anyway you like..
A-this good boy shit has got to go...
B-nods ok... that's fine angelus...
A-drains the glass in one swig and gets up to rinse the glass and his mouth
G-suble -whispers
B-looks at giles... nods.. i'm trying it's hard...
G-nods.
B-am not used to this...
A-so giles... what is the Watcher council doing about that SOB?
B-frowns trying to remeber who he means...
G-they took in in fornt of the council and formaly charged him with Slayer treason
B-the traitor??? looks at giles.. sorta surprised you're not in england....had visions of ripper dealing
with him....A-raises his eyebrow -interesting no one has been charged with that since 1795....
B-what will happen to him..
G-shrugged... they discussed several options... his retirement at his own hand... my hand... Buffy's
or yours.B-moves so she is slightly leaning agisnt angelus..swallows hard....hope that he doesn't get the easy
way out...I want to be there when he retries...G-He chose his own hand but did it on his own.... while waiting for the decision
B-sighs.. fuck...
A-shit... I wanted to give him a lesson in payback -snarls
B-easy angelus...looks at giles.. is there anything else we need to... dicuss???
G-the inquiriy found out how Zargon got to him... he apparently had a child out of wedlock his
wife didn't know
about... Zargon took her...B-ohh hell. the poor guy...no wonder he did it....
A-so he turns the slayer over for his brat?
B-nods.. it's understandable.. family over someone he's never met...
A-You guys better tighten up on who is fucking who and breeding who
B-angelus... easy on the language.. small repermand...
A-that is a weak link of the sytem... british propriety...nods genlty
B-nods.... looks at giles.
A-I am sorry Buffy but I get so steamed
B-smiles at angelus.. ganetly rubbing his leg..I know.. swaering not so bad as a away to let angar
out..A-purrs low under his breath
B-it just depends how you do it..she continues to rub him softly...
A-I only know one way... use the SOB eyes for marbles...
G-physicaly flinches at that and buffy realizes with Angelus... it is not just an expression...
B-she caught giles eye and raised an eyebrow asking if he had anything else to tell her...angelus...
easy on..G-shakes his head -no
B-sighs.. knowing it was all by ear now...
G-well it may be mid afternoon for you Angelus but I am exausted...
B-you can't do that to people anymore....
A-growls...but she feels him consent
B-looks at giles... I'll walk you to your car giles... thanks for your help...she smiled at angelus... I'll
be right back.. ok?...she stood slowly and got all giles's books.. walking to the door...she smiles at
angelus gentlyagain...A-he nods and picks up a book he was reading
They walk... Giles is waiting for her comments he had already said his say
B-this is going to be very hard.. he's really going to explode.. angel was right about that...
G-yes he will...as long as he does so verbaly or physicaly constructively... it's ok.
B-think I teach him if he gets voilent to do it on other vamp....that'll work right??
G-Buffy when he cuts loose... he is going to be like a teenager...about 12 maybe thirteen 13 he will
say things he
doesn't mean wanting to hurt you... your going to have to let it roll off you.yes buffy it will work
turn him on the vamps for physical outletB-nods i know.. i've done it too him ..like how i taught him to hunt the vamps...
G-payback... he will go for the emotional verbal jugular...
B-I know.. I'll just stay clam throughout it.. then punish him....
G-don't let it distroy you... don't let it distroy what you got... because when he wakes up and
realizes what he did...
if he can't grole and get you back he'll go into the sun...B-if he gets voilent.. I'll hold him back with a cross...
G-I like angels idea of kicking him in the balls... will slow him down longer
B-it won't destroy us giles.. nothing can do that....I know that now..I'll do what i have to to restrain
him...G-stops and look up th the brightening sky... I never thought you two had a chance Buffy... I
thoght you would
kill one another...B-shakes her head.. so did i ......
G-When you told me You loved a vampire... I thought " Oh my god my slayer is dead"
B-we;ve had so many tests... so many.. this will be the hardst
G-maybe...
B-smiles at him.. yet you've been there for me the whole time... thank you giles.
G-When I found out ANGELUS bonded you I thought you wouldn't see the next full moon
B-she impulsivelessly kissed him on the cheek..
G-Now I know your going to bury me... and it pleases me
B-shakes her head.. the only thing you'll ever die of is old age giles...or a haert attack from what
veer i've been up to..smiles..I better get back inside....G-I know that Buffy but I am in my 40's. I always wanted children... but it was not to be... I just
never figured to be
doing through adolecence trauma with a 165 year old vampire demon...chucklesB-smiles.. grandad.. angel had that right..puts his stuff in the car... I'll ring and check in with you
today.. is there anything else i should have him do in the day???..I don't want him sleeping the
whole time..G-try to make him sleep.. he will be rebeleling soon... watch for it...
B-rebelling???...hell i'm still going through that phrase...
G-I know....
B-chuckles.. payback.. great...
G-he'll ironicly probably surpasse you in emotional mautriy...Just think... if he does something
weird... think of yourself and what you would be doing... you know that thing with the frat house?B-great... this is going to be fun....
G-lying to me about patroling and going to the bronze...
B-ohh yeah.. never forget that....
G-laying about homework and coming to see angel
B-you love bringing it up though....
G-I am using my experience to show your experience... I survived it... you will....Giles chuckles as
he gets in his beat up citroenB-smiels at him and walks back inside...She opens the door on an empty apartment... and an open
window showing his exit...fuck....looks at the clock it is 0245...rebelling already???...ok.... still time
before daylight.. what does mum do???...his leather jaket is gone and his bootsend 14 first1