First Series 4 Angelus' View

                  The First Series
First 4:Angelus’ View
          By : Lady Sirona lsirona@pacbell.net,
          Rated NC17 [Buffy/Angel] M/F consensual sex, oral and anal sex, blood
          play, BDSM, roleplay
          Spoilers: Up to Bad Eggs then the universe splits off from there

Angelus’ View
They had a meeting at the library with the Scooby gang and Joyce. Angel and Buffy arrived after everyone was there and all watched curiously as they walk in. Buffy took Angel’s hand for support and felt Angel’s anticipation and fear. Usually appearing unaffected most the time, Buffy was learning Angel was a deep well of emotions.
Giles addressed the wayward pair. "I see you finally arrived. We are, ah, all here." Buffy squeezed his hand in support.
Joyce rushed over to Buffy and hugged her. "Are you ok?" She impulsively hugged Angel too. As Joyce looked Buffy over her eyes locked on the bites bruising on her neck. "Oh god baby what happened?" Giles looked at the bites and then frowned at Angel.
Xander saw the bites and stood outraged. "Oh god he bit her!"
"I’m ok mom, nothing happened, well nothing bad… Sit down Xander, NOW!" Willow elbowed Xander hard in the chest and he sat with a groan. "Mom it's just a small nibble, it's ok, Giles tell mom it's normal…"
Giles blushed and stammered. "It is normal... for... vampiric sex." Although he whispered the last part everyone heard it clearly.
Joyce was outraged. "Sex? You fucked then bit my baby?" Joyce cuffed Angel on the ear.
"It’s ok, Mom you knew Angel and I had sex. Beside you should know about it…" The last bit got out before she could stop it. Angel was hunkering down to avoid a beating by the Slayer’s mother, the humor of the thought of her mother slapping a vampire to protect a Slayer filling him and crossing over to Buffy. She prayed he wouldn’t laugh out loud.
Buffy looked at Angel and slipped an arm around his waist. The irony of the situation ringing through him. She could feel his humor as Angel tried not to smile at his feelings. "Mom it's better this way anyway, we're better like this."
Xander was appalled. He figured that Buffy and Angel were having sex. He just never thought to be discussing it in the library in front of her mother. "This is definitely over share..."
Willow was looking at them curiously. She could feel something in the energy between them but was unable to put her finger on exactly what it was. There was something different about them.
Giles stood and saw he needed to get a handle on the situation. "Sit down. Everyone sit down. I have the, eh, feeling there is more?" Buffy nodded and sat on Angel’s lap. She felt in need of support.
Angel started slowly. He never liked to share so much of himself but there was no choice. "I think Joyce filled you in on the history of Jerrick am I right?" he looked around the room from face to face as everyone nodded. "I tried to find help... but no one was around… I had to go after her alone..."
Buffy leaned her head on his shoulder, letting him talk stroking his chest in silent support, and letting her love help him. He relished the contact and the bond. "Giles, I wasn’t strong enough to do it alone...not against multiple enemy in those numbers…"
A horrible thought crossed Giles mind. Of Angel releasing of one of the most vicious vampire’s on record. "You didn't..."
Angel hung his head and avoided the watcher’s eyes. "I did... in order to save Buffy I had no choice."
Giles stood there with his mouth open a moment and then exploded. "Oh Bloody Hell! That explains what Joyce and Willow described..." Giles felt like he was going to throw up. Angelus, The Scourge of Europe had been released in a battle situation and then he walked off with his Slayer?
Buffy saw the confusion on Joyce’s face. "He let Angelus loose, Mom, his demon. He was in a no win situation and won. Angelus is his vampire side, Angel has a soul but for years he didn't. That was the part that saved us and killed Jerrick. Angelus."
Xander and Willow’s skin crawled when they saw the pale, tight look to Giles’ face. This wasn’t minor, it was damn major. Joyce wasn’t getting it. "A Demon? He was a bastard..."
Angel tried to explain. "That’s being polite... A vampire is made when the blood is traded and the body infused with a demon. My curse keeps my soul in control and my demon at bay. But to rescue Buffy, I had to release him. I don't have his fighting edge, or skill. Her survival was all that mattered, and he did come through. The deal was he could keep the body till dawn, but not kill..."
Giles looked at Angel, his face becoming paler and more closed as the realization of the possible ramifications for Buffy dawned on him. It was verified by Buffy blushing and hiding her face in Angel’s chest. Joyce also realized that Buffy had spent the night with the demon. "Did he hurt you baby?" Joyce looked ready to seriously pound Angel’s ass into the floor.
"No mom, it was well great." She had a small smile. "But he did do something you guys need to know about." Buffy saw that Xander was outraged when it dawned on him what Angelus did with Buffy. She looked at Xander daring him to say anything.
Giles imagined it couldn’t be as bad as the possibilities, then he looked at them with almost terror. "Don't tell me.... A consort bond...." he finally voiced his worst fears. Giles sat hard with a rush as Angel nodded. "ANGELUS did the consort bond?" Both Buffy and Angel nodded. "Oh god..."
Joyce didn’t like Giles’ reaction to the bond. "What’s a consort bond?"
Buffy frowned at Giles’ reaction and looked challengingly at her mom. "What's the biggie here? It's done between Angel and me. Mom it is a kind of vampiric wedding from what I understand. It's a bond where we share every feeling… it's a small mixing of blood that binds us together forever. It can never break. I can feel every feeling Angel feels and he feels mine, it's nice actually. I didn't know what hit me at first, but I like it, it adds to my feelings and our relationship. I think it will keep me alive longer mom, it’s safer like this for me."
Joyce was astounded. She felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. *Wedding?* She looked at her daughter not yet 17, married to Angel who was probably one of the most handsome men she had ever seen in her life. And he was a Vampire.
Giles nodded. "I agree you’re safer. It is a bond on record as usually between vampires. It is very rarely done and permanent. It is beyond the mixing of blood. It requires a mutual willingness to bond and therefore it very rare. It obviously was mutual in this case, even if Buffy didn’t know completely about it. But Buffy, you realize it's permanent? You realize you will never have another partner?"
Buffy had a small smile. "So what, I know that Giles, I can accept that, Angel is all I ever want… Forever."
Joyce looked at Angel and then Buffy. "They’re MARRIED? He’s my son in law?" Buffy nodded smiling.
Giles nodded. "Permanently, forever until death do they part." He was unsure of the response he should have. Buffy’s happiness was blinding, but his Slayer just consort bonded with a vampire. Damn.
Buffy snuggled happily into Angel, "At least they haven't freaked." She told him with a small whisper. Angel wasn’t so sure. Xander seemed like he was going to have a heart attack, while Willow was happy and grinning like a fool.
Giles addressed Angel hoping he would have an answer. "I am concerned...what is Angelus's opinion of this? Why did he do it? We need to find out." He got up and walked into the cage and came back with shackles with the clear intent of chaining Angel.
Angel shrugged off his first impulse to bolt. To allow a watcher to chain him went against every instinct he had for self-preservation. "I don't know... I never tried to release him like I did... I always kept him locked down tight..." He nodded at Giles and placed his hands on the arms of the chair to allow himself to be restrained.
Buffy was alarmed. "You’re kidding right? Please tell me you're kidding. Forget it Giles, put them back."
Giles had a firm grimace as he started to restrain Angel. "No we need to find out... I will ask Angelus questions, you judge if he is lying..."
Buffy watched getting more and more nervous. She hated to see Angel tied down. "Then don't shackle him, I think I can keep him under control, as long as I stay close. I don't like this Angel, please, I can't stand to see you shackled, and you and I both know it won't stop him."
Angel tried to calm her. "No it is a good idea..." as he put out his wrists to be shackled, and the chains wrapped around the chair. "It would slow Angelus down quite a bit, but not hold him if he really decided to bust loose. Buffy... it shows Angleus we mean business..." then he whispered in her ear, "Plus… he *likes* bondage, baby, trust me it is important. Stay in my lap though, it will distract him...make him easier to read."
Buffy looked at him in surprise at the wave of lust that flowed through her. "He does? I know he liked pinning me down…" The thought of pinning Angel or Angelus down sent shivers up her spine. Angel could smell her arousal. "Will you have to make another deal?" She asked. Part of her hated the idea while another part craved it.
Angel didn’t like the sexual response Buffy had with the thought of being at Angelus’ mercy. "Probably... will you be willing to play with it?" He couldn’t control the jealous feeling.
She felt that and his jealousy and his fear for her safety. Buffy frowned. "Yeah, it excites me, but I don’t want to hurt you." She had a small guilty feeling. "You won't just make it up to me?" Small smile smiles back and gave him a kiss.
Angel closed his eyes and meditated which was much harder with Buffy's softness on his lap and her scent of arousal invaded his senses. She snuggled against him, slightly scared but also excited.

Angel called to his demon upon entering the recesses of his mind.>Angelus! You formed a consort bond with Buffy! Now we have to deal with it. I need you to come out and talk to her watcher! <
>What do you want now choirboy? < Angelus mocked him. >So what if I bonded her? She is a nice piece of ass. Fuck you choirboy. I don't need to talk to anyone.<
>I'll offer you the same deal. Body to Sunrise... no killing. Yes, she agrees. You don't hurt her... cause if you do I'll take us into the sun you son of a bitch! <
Angelus laughed. >Your Bitch...she knows? < Angel's anger flared at Buffy referred to that way but he didn't bite at the bait Angelus gave. >OK. Should be very interesting…<

Angelus opened his eyes and looked around the library and then pulled at his shackles and snarled. "Choirboy didn't tell me this part." He said slowly in a low growl. Buffy gasped at the growl but stayed sitting on him, head against his shoulder.
"I thought it would be a nice surprise for you." She told him with a smile. He turned toward her. He could smell her arousal at the same time she felt his hard erection. He thrust his hips a little to bring his erection plainly to her attention with a wry grin. Buffy squirmed. She couldn’t help responding to him. "Talk Angelus, we need information from you."
Angelus looked around at the Scooby gang and his eyes locked on Giles. "You’re the Watcher...right?" He looked back at Buffy. "What do you want me to say?" Buffy realized exactly what was in control of Angel's body and sat up.
"Whatever Giles and I ask of you… Why did you do it Angelus? Why consort bond with me? That's what I'm curious about." She was squirming a bit, trying to get as little of her touching him as possible. The effect was to drive his sexual response to her into overdrive.
Xander stared at Angelus with wide eyes. This wasn’t any moping brooding vampire with a soul. This was the demon Angelus, The Scourge of Europe.
Angelus turned his attention from the nubile Slayer in his lap to the watcher. He snarled his defiance and his answer. "I have done a lot...and I'm not explaining most of it. Why did I bond The Slayer in a consort bond? Simple. I did it because I could. Choirboy is totally besotted with her and she with him. I figured I'd live a hell of a lot longer with us as her consort. Not like I'm getting any action as things are set up now anyway to worry about it… Well I wasn't until now… As I sure as hell didn't expect it to take...." Angleus grinned as the ramification of that statement sank into Giles and he blushed and stuttered.
Buffy nodded considering his reason as she stood up. She raised an eyebrow at him. "You’re sick Angelus…" She drifted off thinking of what she wanted to ask him.
Angelus erupted in laughter. "Sorry to bust your bubble Slayer... but I am a demon!" he continued to laugh as the Slayerettes watched amazed, never having seen Angel laugh before. It was scary.
"Yeah more evil than most I’ve meet." She commented offhandedly, forgetting she's going to be with him the rest of the night.
Angelus took great delight that she felt comfortable enough with him to insult him. "I'll take that as a compliment... I always thought Choirboy must have a serious death wish to be hanging with the Slayer." Angelus chuckled.
Giles let Buffy ask the questions. Angelus seemed much easier with her. Giles' major desire was to stake the son of a bitch who obviously bedded his Slayer. The thought of a real vampire, not the ensouled Angel, bedding his Slayer made him ill.
"Angel's very safe with me. You must know a lot of vampire weak points, do you know of Drusilla's weaknesses?" Buffy was now The Slayer seeking battle information on her opponents.
" Other than she is as insane a hatter? Spike is her main weakness... as he is hers. She is harder than hell to trap and plot against. She is a true clairvoyant and she does indeed see the future. I know many but I do not plan to do all your work for you. I am not some sort of fucking genie for you or your pet bookworm. "
Buffy got more comfortable as Angelus calmed down and the emotions she got from him were calmer. She sat on his lap and slowly leaned back against his chest. "But you said you would talk, that was the deal you answer our questions... " She said coyly stroking his thigh.
"Damn it, you are a stickler for detail. Remember...so am I..." A sly smile crossed his features and she felt his lust building. The link worked with Angleus as well as it did with Angel! Buffy felt a building arousal in her at the thought of what he could do to her later. It was quickly followed by a flood guilt.
She felt he had a passionate fascination for her, almost but not quite love. Overlying it all was a possessive feeling toward her. Angelus smiled at her to cover the annoyance he felt at her guilt feelings for her response to him. "Wait till you have something worth feeling guilty for…" he whispered in her ear
Angelus wanted to get on with his night. He turned toward the Watcher who had been in the background. He loved the fact he looked upset as hell. "OK Watcher. You have me trussed up like a Christmas turkey and I have to answer your bloody idiotic questions. Are you going to ask them of me, or am I free to enjoy the rest of my night?"
Buffy shut her eyes hoping for more questions to keep her from the temptation of his raw sexuality. She leaned forward again, trying to break the contact.
Suppressing the excitement that had come at his whisper Buffy tried to continue to question. "Other than this night can you take over the body?"
"I can't take over his body unless he releases it to me. I can barter for time... but I can't take..." he growled out. That fact irked him. He was at Angel's mercy. He wanted to take more time now than ever knowing he could be settled between her thighs thrusting. He shifted in a vain attempt to make his erection more comfortable but only managed to push it into her ass and teased himself senseless...
"Thank god." Buffy said in a small whisper as she slipped off his lap and stood at his side. She was aflame with desire and felt the wetness increase between her legs. She looked at him and saw that he could smell her arousal. He grinned up at her.
Angelus laughed and cocked an eyebrow at her. "What's the matter slayer, don't like being bartered goods either?"
"I can handle it Angelus, the price was worth it. I can put up with the rest" She knew the words belied her rampant sexual desire for the man… no vampire, chained in the chair. Something about having him chained was really exciting her.
Joyce heard the comment and became alarmed. "Bartered goods? What do you mean bartered goods?"
"Nothing mom." She keeps looking at Angelus, panic and shame flooding her body asking him with her eyes to spare her this embarrassment. "Giles is that all you want to know?"
Angelus looked at Joyce one eyebrow raised. "Oh you don't know? While I am running the body... she's my wife too..." He licked his lips suggestively and his meaning was clear to all.
Xander stood with an outcry "You touch her…" he drifted off not sure what the hell he could do against Angelus.
"You'll do what stripling? Waste my time? Get in my way? Fuck off." Angelus growled at Xander his anger rising.
"Leave it Xander!" Buffy interrupted what could easily have been the beginning of bloodshed. "Angelus you promised no killing, so let it be."
Giles asked him something in a language no one else knew. Buffy felt Angelus’ RAGE build as he snarled his answer in the same language. Giles seemed very satisfied by the answer and motioned to Buffy to come over to the office. "What did you feel? What was his emotional response to what I asked?"
"Rage, pure rage. It scared me, what did you ask him?" Buffy told him. The amount of rage in Angelus had terrified her.
"Good, then he wasn't lying. It was truth. I asked him if he would kill you, given the chance. He answered no, never, he couldn’t. I believe he won't. I can't believe it Buffy, you have actually tamed Angelus..."
"I don't think he would if he could, there's something about him. No Giles, he's not tame. He would kill anyone he wanted to within a second, but just not me or mine. It's not exactly love, it's something else." She shivered.
"We can keep him here asking him questions until dawn... if that is your desire." Giles told her gently. "I know he is possessive about you. You’re a challenge, and in fact you’re every vampires fantasy. It's your call. If we let him loose, he can do anything he wants to do. Except kill. He won't go too far. We can barricade you away from him... Buffy, you don't have to prostitute yourself to him for these answers..."
Buffy looked at him then at Angelus, watching him. "We made the deal with him Giles. I have to go with it. No I need to do this. I trust him to a certain point. Unchain him."
"I have a few more questions of him then we will be done." They walked back to him. "I have a few more questions for you Angelus. Then I will free you. Who was the Master's Slayer killer? Did the Slayer killer kill the Slayer Jolene?"
"Yeah I know." She felt his nervousness, fear building in him as he looked at her and avoided her watcher. "He killed Jolene, she was cramping the Master's plans."
Standing just behind Angelus, trying to cover her fear up she shut her eyes. She doesn't know how she knows but she did. "Giles, don't… don't ask this. Please!" She went up to Giles and put a hand on his arm. "Giles we already know. It can stay a mystery…"
Giles looked at Buffy in surprise. "This is an incredible opportunity, I need to find out... it has been a Watcher mystery for which we need to know the answer."
"Giles, please for the love of god..." She knows it will be her that will pay if they upset Angelus. "I'm sorry Giles, ask Angel if you have to, but don't stir up Angelus please!" her whisper was low.
His jaw drops and he mouthed "Angelus?" to Buffy nodded. Giles sat down suddenly. Angelus watched in amazement as she figured it out and still championed him to her Watcher. By damn, the Slayer knew he was the Slayer Killer and was still protecting him?
Joyce stared at Giles. Something was going on here, and she felt left out.
Angelus watched Giles and Buffy dismissing the rest of the Scooby gang. Buffy could feel him start to relax as he accepted he isn't going to be staked "Is that All Watcher? If it is... then I want to be on my way."
Giles nodded and began to untie him only to have Angelus hand him the shackles. He apparently had snapped out of them on his own. It was unknown how long he was free. Buffy shut her eyes. "You were free the whole time?"
Angelus just smiled at her and Giles, arrogance and dark humor flowing through him to her through the bond. "I was free for most of it, from the time I was asked why I bonded with you. I wanted to see what you'd do. Wanted to know what type of questions you all thought were important enough to deal with me to get the answer to."
Buffy shook her head in amazement. "Why didn't you run? I was on you, I didn't even notice..."
"Oh you noticed. But you just were paying attention to... other things." Her mind flashed back to the question and his hard erection pressed into her ass. "If I needed to defend myself, I was ready." Buffy shut her eyes, arousal running through her again, with shame and a lot of fear knowing what he could do.
Giles was pale with a fine sheen of sweat on him. He knew this was the Slayer killer...and he is going to disappear into the night with his slayer.
Buffy saw the look and knew what his distress was. "It's all right Giles." Buffy pleased with him with her eyes as she went over to her watcher. He was one of the most important people in her life. She told him in a low whisper "He won't kill me Giles, it's all right."
She went over to Angelus and held out her hand. Angelus stood and took it and kissed it with a flourish. "Shall we leave these people to their library?" Angelus turned to Joyce. "I won't have her home tonight... don't wait up." He turned to Giles. "Don't try to follow us." Puts his arm around her and they walked out with everyone following them with their eyes.

She was tucked under his arm as they walked down the street. "So what do you want to show me in this little quaint little burg? Do you want to show me the sites or do you want me to take you home and fuck your brains out?" He laughed at her speechless response to his blatant comment.
"Anything, we have all night, I can give you the full tour." She blushed and tried to swallow. "Do I really have a choice? If I say no, you'll leave me alone all night?" She looked up at him fear in her eyes. He could feel her fear. He was trying to ignore the mix of fear and arousal. The fear in the Slayer caused by HIM hit his system like a drug.
"Yes you do... My consort always has a choice... I will leave you right where you are standing." Anger at the thought she would refuse him was building, but she felt he was telling the truth. "If you want nothing to do with me I will leave you right here…"
Buffy shut her eyes knowing what her answer was in her soul. "Will you hurt me?" She asked in a small whisper.
"Nothing you can't stand... and you may even like it. I am not a soft flower like choirboy likes to be seen as. Pain is just another form of stimulation." He stepped close and towered over her. He tipped her face up and looks in her eyes. His eyes weren't soft like Angels. They were hard and predatory. "Don't feel guilty until you have done something to feel guilty for. Now, I have no desire to hang at the bronze with all those teenyboppers. I want to go to somewhere more...entertaining."
"I can’t picture liking it. I’ll go with you, I guess you'll make sure of entertaining, won't you? Angels apartment, then?" She feebly tried to pull away from him. She knew it was time.
"Slayer... don't ruin the night with false recriminations. You’re bonded to the both of us, me and choirboy. Who knows, I may show you a side of things that you would never taste with choirboy. No, not Angel's apartment, and your brat pack knows where it is and will spy on us there. No sane vampire keeps one lair. I am willing to bet they don't know about Angel’s other one."
"Angel has another place?" Frowning, then smiling thinking of him seemed right that he would have two.
"Oh yes... stick with me... you’ll see a side of Angel he would never have the guts to show you! Angelus laughed.
He led her into a part of town she rarely patrolled since there seemed to be little vampire activity there. He walked her into the mansion. "Angels other home. Can't tell he was raised in the Middle Ages now can we? He has owned this home for oh well eighty plus years. I never figured out why he even bothered. But, he likes fireplaces and libraries and artwork. Me, I like the stone and the ironwork."
Sweeping her past the stone and fireplace he led her to the stairs. "Want to see silly hopes?" He dragged her up the stairs by the hand and showed her a large room decorated for a child. "He has a nursery, what the hell vampire makes a nursery? See what I am locked into?" He asked her like it was the most horrible thing in the world.
Buffy looked around the room and smiled, it suited Angel as she pulled away from Angelus to look around. "You weren't meant to, it it's his dream... our dream..." She looked back at him with a small smile. "Angel dreams of life, you dream of death. He wants my children, adoption or artificial insemination, he will have the children."
"A nursery is his dream? Vampires can’t even father kids. Angel fantasized of life, I brought death, now that’s a difference. Now I am locked away in a choirboy who plants gardens and makes nurseries!" He was frustrated.
Buffy thought and then raised an eyebrow. "Nope, soon you'll be locked away in a father…"
Angelus stood there, his jaw dropped. "Oh shit your kidding right? You're going to turn us into a nursemaid? That's it. You have your fun. I’m out of here!" he started to walk quickly away.
"What, and miss you're fucking my brains out of me?" She called to his retreating back sweetly.
"It is bad enough I am locked away in Choirboy... now I learn I am going to be Nursemaid to a tassel of squalling brats!" he made a rapid jump and he grabbed her and spun her around to face his snarling game face. "I am not soft! I have killed more Slayers than you could name…The damn gypsies curse has locked me into and under choirboys soul."
"I got a question. Spike is such a hottie with Dru, wasn't she yours at first?" That had eaten at her ever since he confessed to siring Drusilla.
"No she wasn't. She is the only one who lived this long. Spike got her when I cast her aside... he's into sloppy seconds. Want to know real irony? I didn't kill the healer they curse me for. Another of the pack killed her, and I got blamed."
"You didn't? Oh man those vamps must have laughed at you for decades."
"NO Angel remembers killing a gypsy girl, beautiful but dumb as a post, that was who I killed. Dominique killed the healer and preyed on her entire family. But as leader of the Pack, I got blamed. Most don't know what happened to me. They probably figured I just went rogue elder..."
"Poor baby, maybe I should spread the truth round a little imagine what your old friends would think. Now weren't you just running away?" She tossed her hair back, forgetting to fear him.
Angelus snarled. "Don't push it. You'll embarrass me, but you'll get choirboy killed. There is a name for what happened to choirboy: abomination. Abomination irritates vampires and what irritates vampires becomes DUST!"
"Angel can look after himself, and when he can't I can..." Buffy huffed at him.
"Ha! If he was so capable then why did he call me out?" *Most infuriating stimulating woman.* He thought to himself as Buffy pulled out of his grasp and went down a few stairs looked back at him, and suddenly slapped him hard. She felt the instant rise in passion and lust in Angelus and before she knew what happened, she was thrown over his shoulder being carried away.
Buffy kicked at him. "Angelus, put me down!" She thumped on his back as she was carried like a sack of grain over his shoulder.
"You know that I LOVE to play with my food first..." He playfully slapped her on the butt hard.
Buffy only kicked harder. "I'm not your food!" She raked nails down his back as he walked into the basement and dropped her to her feet, pressed her up against the wall and held her there. He then quickly shackled her to the wall and jumped back. She found herself chained to the wall by her arms. "Now my little spitfire."
"What the fuck... Angelus, release me!" She pulled uselessly on the shackles testing their strength. They would hold.
"No darling... I am not releasing you... I am going to show you the dark side of the world. The shackles are strong enough to hold a full strength master vampire. They should hold the Slayer." He was incredibly aroused by her struggles and the smell of her increased arousal when she did so. He licked his lips.
Fear flowed back into her. "Angelus you said you won't hurt me..." She stated as she still pulled on the chains. They were strong enough to hold her damn it!
He stepped close to her, towering over her. For the first time she was crucially aware of their size difference, and that she was at his mercy. He gently stroked her face. "I know, and I will keep my promise... I told you I wouldn't hurt you more than you could bear. But you are mine tonight... and I will show you the side of Angel he doesn't want you to see... Then choirboy will have to deal with it..." He looked at the fire in her eyes and laughed.
She felt a wave of rage and jerked her head away. This was intolerable. "Angelus please... why would I believe that Angel would enjoy anything you do?" kicks out at him. He laughed as he caught her foot and upset her balance forcing her to hang by the shackles.
"We have been together 245 years... he has influenced me... and I him. I find I like brassy pissed off slayers... he likes bondage. Why do you think he has this set up in his house? Certainly not as potential child discipline. He acknowledged his desires when he planned and built this house. I hate to break the news, but you can ask him in the morning if you’re still speaking to him. He made a deal with me and you paid the price little girl."
She glared at him. Arrogant fucker. "All right then I will. And if you're lying I may bring you back just to beat the crap out of you!" shuts her eyes. "All right then, we still have most of the night left, you going to just talk about it?" She wanted to get it on. The waiting for the unknown was killing her.
"Ohhhh I'm scared... I don't think you can beat the crap out of your precious choirboy. I won't be, it will be you to experience, not talk… do!" He reached out and shredded her shirt right off her body "I like you wearing tatters... so becoming..." She groaned as he came in close and kissed her roughly.
She kissed him back. She could feel his love of the fight and her resistance to what he was doing. She felt his rising passion. It was obvious to her that he was finding her incredibly erotic! Unable to resist the body of her lover she moaned and tried to rub against him. He could feel her rising passion and could smell her arousal increasing, spiraling almost out of control fueled by his feelings and sensations.
"Angelus, the link, can it be blocked? I don't want to feel your feelings." Her mouth said one thing, her body another as she arched into his touch. "Please Angelus!" She begged whimpering at his touch.
"Why?" He mumbled from his kissing off the breasts fangs lengthened and he cuts her bra right off of her. Betrayal and rejection stabbed through him. She was refusing him, refusing the bond.
She felt his pain and rejection. "No Angelus! The double emotions are too much, please..."
He stood up and looked her in the eye. "OK then you won't feel anything." Clamping down on his emotions best he could, he turned in ringing sorrow and rejection and started to walk away.
"Damn it Angelus, please?" She couldn't believe he was leaving her hanging like this literally. She lets her acceptance and want flow through her into him.
"Damn it what?" he snarled. He knew she could tell he wasn't mad but hurt.
"Show me? Fuck me? Do what you want, but please, just don't leave me!" She was ashamed of the need in her voice. He had started to open the door and she wanted to walk through it!
"I can't block the bond... I don't know if it can be done... Buffy." He came back to her to stroke and nuzzle her. She felt his need, a need to be accepted and held, to be loved. She felt the crushing emotions that are now his. They are beyond anything he ever felt before and he was at a complete loss at what to do with them. He wanted something that he had never hoped of ever getting in any way, and the anger that it caused was incredible. She realized that in his own twisted way, he loved her as much as Angel did. She also realized he was hopeless and clueless on how to show it.
"Angelus, please, come back, I need you." She allowed acceptance, fondness in her feelings, and arousal to flow through to him. He turned to her, hopeless and scared of rejection. "Please, make me yours, I'm both of yours, please... Show me"
He pushed closer to her running his fingers through her hair and grabbed a handful of hair and pulled her head back. "I am not choirboy... you know and accept this?"
"Yes!" She answered in a low whisper, arousal running through her blood. He kissed her forcibly plunging his tongue inside her mouth and commandingly taking control of the kiss. She felt his climbing passion, arousal and his possessiveness as she kissed back for all she was worth. He held her tight and continued to kiss her, nibbling on her lower lip. "Let me take you to the edge… let me show you the world..."
She was breathless and almost beyond thought. "Answer me some thing first…" She asked in a small whisper. "What was the real reason for the bond? Not the one you fed Giles back at the library. Your reason."
He dropped to his knees and slowly kissed and suckled her breast while kneading the other with his hand. "Because I wanted you." Arching her body to him. "I watched you through his eyes and felt you through his hands and I wanted to claim you for myself. But I knew that you'd stay locked away because he never would. I saw the love you lavished on him, and I wanted a taste... bonded, I would feel what you feel and know you intimately beyond anything he would ever allow himself…"
Her leg came up and rubbed him. Looking at him she smiled. "You're not that evil are you?"
"Oh I can be. I can be a vicious son of a bitch when I want to be... but I feel what he feels... I experience what he experiences... I wanted you all... Choirboy didn't have the balls... he thought he was too 'impure' to bond with you. He felt he was unworthy, that you would refuse him. He is such a simpering ass at times." He lost himself in his task of continuing to suckle her breast. He hooked his fingers in her waistband, and slid her skirt down baring her to his gaze.
"You're the slayer killer." She watched him through hooded eyes.
"Yes but I would not enjoy causing you pain and distress... I would enjoy taking you to your limits though. Oh but the fates have a wicked sense of humor. I was the Master's Slayer killer and now I am bonded to the Slayer... I can't harm you or allow you to come to harm. Now I am the slayer’s fucking pet vampire...literally." Scorn for himself filled his heart and his voice.
"True, do it Angelus, take me to my limits." Low whimper escaped under his heated gaze. Both arousal and fear coursed through her veins. "We only have one night Angelus, I don't think Angel will make anymore deals…"
"God... don't remind me... I have been locked away for almost a hundred years, a hundred years without conversation or touch..." he stroked her body and licked her pussy hairs gently. " Here I am finally released...and am I out hunting? No… I am planning to fuck the brains out of the slayer... go figure. The sensation of pain is just another form of stimulation. You have the healing ability to rival a vampire... you can learn to like pain for it's pleasurable aspects..."
She moaned softly hearing the lust and passion in his voice and feeling his cool lips on her heated pussy. "Teach me, make me yours… forget it all, even your pain…" She opened her eyes and looked looks into his, trying to thrust her body closer to him. She rattled the chains she had almost forgotten.
He growled deep in her throat and nipped her skin in little nips working his way up inflaming her side. "You are so beautiful..." He licked then soothed them as he worked his way down to the juncture between her legs where he licked her core tasting her juices.
She was whimpering softly, craving his touch. She cried out, thrusting towards him as he peeled off her socks until she is nude before him. She looked up and saw he was entirely dressed. The vunerablity she felt from the difference was heart stopping.
"God… Choirboy has no idea what he has!" Her head leaned back, resting on the wall watching him as he sank his face into her core. She whimpered softly, wrapping a leg around him, trying to hold him too her. He suckled on her inner lips and slid his tongue into her recesses causing the pleasure to go humming through her blood. She moaned trying to feebly hold back her emotions.
He smiled at her with a big smile and then purred deep in his chest causing his lips to vibrate as he sucked her clit into his mouth and sucked on it. She cried out sharply, her hips thrusting to him. He grabbed her butt and held her to his lips like a fine pastry. Feeling the approaching orgasm, she feebly tried to hold it back and failed as he smiled and suckled her clit. " Ohhh god, Ohhh ggooooddd!"
He slid his fingers into her molten core with a rough invasion enjoying her screams at the intrusion. He chuckled as he tipped her over the edge. "Angelus!" Her head was back as she screamed her pleasure.
He continued thrusting his fingers in and out of her weeping core and when she came again he bit her clit hard enough to draw blood and tripling the impact of her orgasm. He sucked the blood off her clit as she came screaming hoarsely. Her eyes flew open to look at him, seeing eyes looking up at her...yellow.
"Ohh my god, Angelus!" her head was tipped back watching the ceiling as he suckled her hard tipping into it again. He felt her pleasure take her over completely, fear fading away leaving her in a world of bliss. "Angelus... oh god please!" He slide his finger into her core and then when it was slick her slid it into her anus invading her again.
She pulled away slightly from his finger, still coming on him as he suckled her clit roughly. He slides another of his fingers in and out of her vagina while invading her rectum. She discovered that pulling away increased the sucking on the clit.
"Oh God Angelus I can't bare it!" She cried out long and loudly. "Angelus!" Her hips were thrusting hard to meet him, god! He continued to lick to the clit and then suck hard on the clit while inserting his finger deeper into her anus, triggering her sensations. She was twisting her lower body against him seeking solution. Her knees were giving way leaving her dangling from the chains, groaning and gasping for air.
All thoughts and feelings forgotten except for Angelus and what he was making her feel. "Angelus!" A scream of pure release thrown from her body as she came harder than she had ever came before as she was thrusting down to meet him. He turned his head to the side and sank his fangs into her thigh and pulled with a heavy draw. She could feel his response to the blood and how it made him feel as it was pushed into him fueled with her orgasm. He came with a vicious orgasm just with the blood coursing down his throat, she realized it was not related to sex at all but the feed and it was all caused by her!
Whimpering, loving the feel of him, so like Angel and yet so different; Buffy leaned against wall trying to regain her footing while standing on shaky legs. He nuzzled the wound and then stood to kiss her. He held her tightly, she could taste her blood in his mouth.
Through the bond she could feel from him how good it tasted, and how good it made him feel, and his luxuriating in it, a way Angel would never allow himself to feel. She relaxed against him, amazed at his feelings as he kissed his shoulder and gently bit it, a vampire’s oral worship.
"Wow" was all she could say. She impulsively bit him on the site of the neck hard. He growled at the bite, it aroused him to fever pitch in a flash. He started to tear off his shirt, frustrated that he couldn't get it off fast enough. He kicked off his boots and undid his belt and dropped his pants, kicking them aside. His erection was straining as he picked her up suddenly and slammed her down on his erection in one swift movement.
Buffy cried out while thrusting onto him hard. He was holding her shoulders and he backed her against the wall, thrusting hard to her. "MINE" He growled in her ear. She felt she would have the bruises but didn't care.
"Yours baby." She agreed breathlessly. She felt possessiveness and love coursed through him. She felt that he wanted to encompass her while thrusting hard into her. She was puzzled at the feelings and it distracted her a little from her own pleasure. His fingers were digging into her shoulders, hard enough that she knew she will have his fingertips imprinted in bruises on her skin.
She tipped her head back baring her neck to him with her legs wrapped tight around him. He growled and his fangs sank in and his thrusts increased. His drew as she came hard, clenching on him which caused him to tip over into his own orgasm filling her with his cold fluid as he came deep within her.
"Angelus!" She cried as a low groan letting both sets of feelings flow through her tears of pleasure. He sank into her embrace. She forgot the chains and held him too her with her legs. He raised his head from her neck and licked the wound. She shivered in the erotic feel to his tongue on her neck. "Wow again…" She purred.
He laughed and dropped her legs off his waist and watched as she attempted to stand but collapsed against the wall. "You are an incredible wench woman." Hands rubbing against the chains, he turned her around and stroked her buttocks possessively. "And you have such a cute ass... It's just begging [smack] to be spanked." He stroked her buttock gently where he smacked her.
"Hey!" her head tipped back as she tried to avoid the swats while trying to look at him. She was obviously trying to work out what he was planning, and figure out at the same time why she was enjoying the sensations.
"Now, Now…" He smacked her twice in rapid secession and then soothed the irritation while she flinched at the pain. She didn't like the swats but found herself pressing back as he soothed it. "Feel the way it inflames your skin? Feel the way it arouses your sense of touch?" He kneeled and kissed her reddened buttock where he smacked her and licked it gently. She purred and arched into him seeking more contact. "See how good it feels now?" All she could do was moan softly.
He laughed at her virginal enjoyment of the new sensations. "See how pain can increase pleasure and sensation?" he asked not expecting a coherent reply. He stood and stroked her buttock then the smacked her several times, then soothed it. She cried out with the strikes but purred and moaned with the strokes. She found herself pressing back to him silently begging for more. He reached down and inserted his finger in her vagina enjoying how wet she was...
Buffy squirmed, a little shamed at how much it turned her on. "You like it? You didn’t think you would... you thought you would hate it didn't you?" She could feel his feeling of smugness and happiness as she enjoyed his little lesson. She whimpered a little ashamed of her carnal response. "Don't be ashamed... be ashamed for things that matter, enjoying pleasure is never shameful. He reached up and released her from the bonds. He pulls her into his embrace as she collapsed against him needing his strength and love.
"Now little one... I showed you a taste of the world of BDSM. You can pull the rest out of choirboy... I'll give you a hint... HE likes to submit." He pulled her into his arms and carried her with him. Soon she found they were on the bed with a lot of pillows...
"Please Angelus" She asked huskily as she kissed his neck.
"You want more?" He laughed at her hunger.
She blushed and then looked away. Finally when he said nothing, she looked at him. "Yes please, you… you promised to take me to my limit."
He laughed as they lay in the bed among the pillows as he was stroking her. "I know and I will…" he kissed her and then pulled away. He folded her over a pillow looking down at her hot pink tight little ass. "Don't fight me... relax…" starts to kiss her butt and running her tongue along her. "You said to your limit baby... I keep my promises"
"Angelus?" She implored in a small-confused whimper as she realized his intentions. She tried to get up. "No Angelus... please..." She was whimpering at the feelings she was getting from him. He felt caring and gentle, with a need to please her. She was thrusting slightly back to him moaning in pleasure as he slowly inserted his tongue into her rear opening and flicked with his tongue. "Please... please do it..."
Out of sight, she didn’t see him rubbing his erection with oil. He pulled his tongue out and slowly inserted his oiled finger and smiled as she clenched down on his finger hard. He groaned. "God you're tight…" he murmured in awe of her as he pulled the finger out and inserted it and another again.
Buffy whimpered, still nervous about this new sensation but unconsciously pushed back into him as he slowly inserted two fingers reveling in her tightness and the sensation of her enjoyment. Anticipation built in him for the tight feeling of her hot ass around his straining cock and her pleasure when he did it.
She groaned at the double intrusion, still fearing the pain that she thought would come, but it was dulled by the pleasure she experienced. He removed the fingers and then replaced them. When she felt it initially, she thought it was another finger then she realized it was his cock when the head popped in. He had a lot of lube on and was being very slow as he was filling her.
She cried out and squirmed for a minute panicking, until the gentleness came through to her as he held her and stroked her. "Relax baby, let me in... Feel the sensation... relax." She got used to him and relaxed around him. He slid his cock in more until he is almost all the way in, watching as her head fell onto the bed.
He finally has it all the way in. He fills with pride and happiness. She can feel his happiness with her. She whimpers at the deep feeling. Content with him, pushes back at him softly. He starts to thrust slowly pull out and then reinsert it then he starts to thrust more vigorously.
She cried out at the pleasure/pain as he reaches around and played with her clit. Her head was arching back off the bed as she was thrusting down into his hand. He began to thrust hard and rapidly building her tension.
She was whimpering low and softly. He stroked in and out with long luxurious strokes while stimulating her clit building her tension... smiling at her unconscious thrusting back to meet his thrusts.
She is molded clay in his hand, soft and pliable with the attentions. Completely possessed she arched her back. "Angelus. Oh god..." she was purring as the tension built. He ran his nails down her back in a sign of dominance and of pleasure. She purred.
He looked up at the ceiling... and when glanced down his eyes were yellow and he was slightly transformed into game face. He grabbed her hips roughly and thrust into her hard with hard rapid strokes.
She had been almost ready to beg him to do anything with her. She screamed out with pleasure, turned her head to the side baring her throat ready for him. While slamming into her, he bared his fangs, leaned forward, and growled in her ear. "Come for me Slayer." He slammed into her hard while rubbing her clit with short rapid circles.
As he was thrusting into her, listening to her screams of pleasure. She was coming hard clenching hard on him as he sank his fangs. She came hard again as he drank her blood upon orgasm.
He had to fight hard to stop the draw and not kill her in the feed. Finally, he could stop and he just licked the wound as they both came down.
Buffy was whimpering softly. "Oh god, good god…" She murmured over and over as he stroked her back gently. He slowly pulled out of her and lay on his side and pulled her to his side. She was gasping for breath, as she snuggled into him, feeling contentment and love for him "Oh Angelus…" both a cry of pleasure and of fear for what she was feeling.
He laughed as he stroked her gently like one would stroke a spooked thoroughbred. She was shaking slightly. He kissed her deeply. "So little one did you see stars?" He asked in a deep growl that was almost a purr.
"Yes, that was the limit?" It was more of a statement than a question. She asked burying her face in his neck feeling his… love?
"No baby there is no limit... I just wanted to push your boundaries. Choirboy treats you like glass, and your not. You’re the Slayer. You have all the abilities and toleration of a vampire. He should treat you as such. To treat you with any less cheapens you. But, too much too soon over whelms the senses... the effect is lost..."He stroked her and fondled her hair.
"But what you did… Angel will never do that, it's not part of him anymore." A sad smile danced on her lips.
"Oh it's a part of him Slayer... because I am a part of him... you just need to demand of him what you want... When you demand... he will provide..."
"Yeah… but you won't be there, just him." She frowned not willing to admit her feelings for him as she idly stroked his chest.
He smiled. "No I am there... I am always there... reach out and feel him with your
senses... I am always there... You’re bonded to the two of us, and we are both there... demand what you need and want and I assure you, you will get it...
"But, it will be him doing it all, you'll still be locked away?" She looked up at him feeling his emotions and what only could be love and admiration for her.
He sighed as he enveloped her in his arms. "I don't know... we will have to see."
"Angelus? Why do you love me, is it because he does?" She had to know.
"Initially, yes... I would see you through his perceptions and view... When I hunted, I would never allow myself to like a slayer...they were only to be killed. Your constant interaction and trust while often foolhardy, is touching..."
She kissed him and snuggled closer to him, feeling safe and protected and loved. "I am privy to his most internal emotion and thoughts Buffy... I know what choirboy feels for you and why... and I found I agreed with him. He is too shy, insecure and unsure to reach for what we both needed... I am not… And now it will have opened him up, for both of you."
"That's the other reason you came here. At dawn Angel can't leave here. He will be stuck her in his house of old to face what he had always wanted and his dreams with a woman who loves him…"
" And a woman who wants to be fulfilled as is a woman’s right. Yes. He will have to deal. Come here..." He embraced her and snuggled down and held her
She smiled. "You thought it all out didn't you?" The feeling of contentment filled him as she snuggled into him relaxing against him.
"Yes. Thinking is all I have left..." He told her, whispering into her hair.
"Angelus.... I love you." It was a small whisper, and without his vampiric hearing he would never had heard it. "God knows Angel will hate me for it… but I do!"
"I love you too Slayer. God help me for it. I know choirboy will be pissed... but he'll have to deal. You have the best of both worlds. You don't have to choose between us... you get us both."
"I hope he can." She told him with a sad whisper.
"He has no choice... the bonding is for ever." Angelus heads lay against hers as she lay against his shoulder.
"But I don't have you both, I don't know if he'll ever let you out again, or what... it's so hard." Tears filled her eyes.
"Hush and rest, you are exhausted and need to sleep... only time will tell." She nodded in agreement and shut her eyes as he stroked her gently. Angelus held her gently as she went to sleep.

DAWN
Angel awoke to find himself in the bedroom in the mansion with Buffy snuggled in his arms. He thought back, and remembered everything that happened while Angelus was in control...
*My god she loves Angelus!* He thought with horror as he looked at her. She stirred but just snuggled into him. *I love her and she loves Angelus. I am caught in an eternal triangle... I am bound to her forever... and I am not the one she loves!* He was beginning to feel ill. *she prefers him. He is better in a fight... obviously better at pleasing her sexually... * His thoughts spiraled out of control.
Buffy stirred, beginning to wake as Angel’s feelings began to imprint themselves on her mind. She whimpered at the depth of his pain, opening her eyes and looking up at him she met him with a hesitant sleepy smile. "Morning Angel."
He just held her, a deep painful ache in his heart. He felt like someone had punched his heart out. Buffy felt his pain and she leaned up and kissed him softly. "How are you? Angel, what's wrong?" Initially she was puzzled then thinking back she shut her eyes as she realized what he was responding to. "Oh god! Angel…" A small plea to him as her went up to his face. *He must hate me*
He looked at her, a keen feeling of loss tearing through him. He rubbed his face into her hand. Loss overwhelmed him. "Angel, honey please… I'm so confused. I know and I love you, you're my soul mate, the man I want to be with always. I love you but I also love him.." She finally voiced her biggest secret to him.
He swallowed and finally found his voice amidst the shattered remains of his heart. "I love you enough that if it what you want… I will step back and release him permanently."
"No Angel!" The thought of losing hum forever terrified her. I can't explain it, but I love both of you... for different things…" She was ashamed and she avoided looking him in the eye.
He watched as she told him verbally but she was avoiding looking him in the eyes. He had lost, lost the love of his life, his world. He felt like he had ground glass in his chest. His woman loves another. A fucking Demon for Christ’s sake!
Tears formed in her eyes. "Please Angel, I don't understand it... or know what to do… He makes me feel different things. But you, you're my world. I didn't mean for it to happen...."
Anger filled him at that point. "Tell me! What does he make you feel? I have treated you with the utmost respect. I have always made sure your needs came first... I have always kept you foremost at all times... where did I fail? Didn't I love you enough? Didn't I make love to you enough to please you?"
Buffy turned away from him, tears falling freely. "I don't know, the things he does to me it sets me free, drives me wild. Angel you're my world, my very being, I'd die without you…"
Angel morphed into vampire visage fangs flashing in the light as he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her back into him arching her back. "Do you want it rough? Is that it? Do you think Angleus is the only one who can be rough?" He was flailing and he knew it.
Buffy was crying held in his painful grasp. "Angel, please not like this..."
"Oh you'll take it from him but not me!"
"No I don't think that, Angel I love you, my very soul does... no! I don't know…"
"NO you really don't know... I feel that. That is what is killing me... I felt horrible allowing Angelus access to you... I was afraid he would traumatize you.... I sure as hell didn't expect him to steal you!" Angel snapped at her.
Buffy couldn’t deny his words. "Please Angel, I love you, that's all I know. I love both of you and I can't stop the way I feel...I didn't mean for it to happen..." She was sobbing hard as she lay on the bed.
Angel rolled out of the bed and stood. "Well I sure as hell never meant for it to happen either!" He turned and walked out of the bedroom.
"Please Angel..." She went as far as the door and just stood there sobbing uncontrollably. She collapsed against it as she realized he was not there.

Angel walked briskly to the far end of the mansion, paced a bit and then went into the nursery. Sitting on the bed He looked at his life. ... *Vampire who makes a nursery... what a fucking joke. She loves Angelus!* In anger he smashed his fist into the changing table splintering it, driving the splinters into his hand *He drives her wild!* He sat fuming on the bed watching the blood seep out of his wounds and into the carpet with detached fascination.

Angelus had watched the whole thing and decided to bait Angel. >What’s the matter choirboy... annoyed I got your woman? <
Angelus snarled at his soul’s captor. >Fuck you, you son of a bitch...<
Angelus chuckled. >No thank you, she did that quite well, thank you! <
Angel was so enraged he could just do a mental scream. >ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH I am bound forever to a woman who loves another!<
Angelus roared. >Quite a bitch when the other man is inside you also! <
Anger flowed in Angel. >You are not me you sanctimonious bastard! <

Angel shut down communication with Angelus. That way led madness. Angel walked over to the window and grabbed the curtain string as he sat down. He needed to do something!
Buffy walked into the room, seeing him at the window Angel! Pure terror in her feelings as she saw him siting on the rocking chair holding the string to a window with an eastern exposure. He looked up at her cry as she ran to him, throwing herself at him. He was not aware he has the string.
"Dear god, Angel please...!" She tried to take it away from him. He watched detachedly as she takes the curtain string away from him. He was confused and disoriented. He felt her terror at the thought of losing him running through her. "Please Angel, hate me if you have to, but don't hurt yourself over me, I'm not worth it!"
"I can't... I can't hate you." He told her softly.
She put her hand on his cheek. "You should, I hurt you more than anyone…"Just the thought of that made her ill
"Buffy, Your a 16 year old girl... you don't know your own heart... Angleus had no right to form the consort bond." He told her sadly. She was a child who lived only sixteen years and maybe could partially remember nine.
"I love you and all the while I am hurting you, it's my fault for this angel, I knew what I was getting into with him I had the chance of getting out. But I wanted it…" She finally admitted her big sin. She had wanted Angelus.
"Buffy do you realize this bond is forever... for as long as we both exist? There is no out... there is no "divorce". I am you bondsmate for life... and in my case un-life. We are bonded to you for as long as you live." He told her. He felt ill, consort bonded with a woman who loved another.
"Yes. She said with a small sigh while sitting at his feet, head buried in her hands. Guilt ran through her. "I know Angel, I'm so sorry."
"So here I am Buffy. I am in love you and I am bonded with you for as long as you live... and you love another... I belong to you heart, mind, body, and soul... and you love and want another!" Rage flowed through him at himself for being there and at her for loving Angleus.
"I love you both Angel, can't you feel that too?" She asked in a small voice.
"No. I feel your guilt and your shame Buffy... I feel your distress at hurting me... and your distress at the problem... I feel your love for Angelus and your fear of my response to it... But your 'love' for me? No I don't feel it... not at all. I don't feel the love and the warmth that used to infuse you when you saw me and touched me. I don't feel the passion and the joy from my touch..." His voice cracked and bloodstained rears filled his eyes. "What I do feel is guilt, shame and distress when you see me... I feel fear as to my reaction to the fact you love another... and the guilt you feel for loving another..."
"That’s because I'm terrified of you and for you… I swore myself to you and then turned round and stabbed you in the back, and fucked Angelus. The love is there, it's just buried under the shame and guilt, because that's what's covering me…"
"What do you want from me Buffy? You want me say it's ok you fucked Angelus and liked it better than when you made love with me? Buffy you have been my only reason to exist since I saw you at Hemery. ... When you don't exist in my world what do I have to exist for? You want us both? What do you want me to do, release him every other night so you can fucking have us both?" Anger flashed in his eyes. He was cuckolded by his fucking demon by his woman and he hated it.
"I can't see you without seeing you near that window and knowing that if you had died it would have been my fault." She looked at him with large tear filled eyes. "I don't know want I want, I want you both, I love you both for different reasons, I didn't mean for this to happen... " She feel to the floor in a heap against the wall cradling her head in her hands. "NO! I don't know Angel I just don't know...!
"Well when you figure out what you want... let me know! Because I sure as hell don't know!" He snapped at her. It tore him up she was crying over him, but he saw no solution.
She looked up at him sobbing again. "You're right, I shouldn't even be near you right now, it's the last thing you want isn't it?" She was rocking like a little girl hugging herself in her pain.
"I have the feeling no matter what you finally figure out in this... I'm fucked." Angel stood up and walked out of the room steeling himself against her cries.

Angel walked from room to room a restless ghost. Of all the options in his life, he never once thought there was even a slimmest chance in hell his demon would steal his Slayer...
Buffy stayed where she was just thinking, then she crawled to the bed and laid down curled up in a ball on it crying her heart out. *Maybe I should just go and never come back. Oh god Angelus you knew this would happen* She gather her strength after a while and got up heading downstairs intending to leave.
Angel found himself in the kitchen staring out the one way mirroring. He had it done so he could look out the windows without getting burned. He felt her thoughts and feelings. *She is going to leave me... Oh god even if I have to share her with that mother fucker Angleus... I can't stand her to leave me...*
He met her on the stairs blocking her egress. "No you're not leaving... that isn't an option."
She shut her eyes. She couldn't look at him. "Angel please, it will be easier for you like this"
"No… No it won't be. That is where you’re wrong. Losing you entirely is intolerable. You walk out that door... I will be right behind you... a guilt trip yes... but a promise I assure you" he looked at her coldly.
"Oh God please Angel, don't do this to me, punish me if you have to, but not like this, please..." She begged as the realty of his threat sank home. "I can't stand hurting you like this...."
" I just will not tolerate you running away from this... You started it... you will stick around and finish it. It’s done... I didn't plan it, you didn't plan it. Now we need to deal with this. You didn't mean to serve me my liver on a plate... But it is a meal I have to eat anyway and damn it you'll stay for the full course!"
She looked at him her eyes full of pain. "Angel, please… what do you want from me? You want me to stay, and make me beg for forgiveness, punish me, what?" She asked in a desperate whimper.
" I am not going to punish you. I never wanted to. What do I want from you? I want you love me like you used to...exclusively... but I am not going to get it... I want you to love me enough to let me work through the pain and the betrayal and not abandon me. Is that so hard to understand? I want you... I need you... I love you. Yeah I hurt like hell... and I feel I was betrayed. But not enough to want you out of my life..." He looked at him. She couldn't have hurt him worse than if she had staked him. The pain was almost a palpable thing in his eyes.
"OK, you want me to stay? That’s it? But I don't understand why, I hurt you and I am hurting you just by being here…" She was at a loss why he would still want her.
"You will hurt me worse by going... If you decide you have to leave... that you don't want me anymore... If you’re going to leave me... do us both a favor and stake me on the way out the door.... I didn’t make the rock and I didn't make the hard place I am trying to deal with what I have been given to deal with here..." Angel hunkered against the wall and ran his fingers through his hair.
"All right I'll stay, you know I can never do that, I know, you're the innocent in this." She snapped.
"There are no innocents. I freed Angelus to save your life and the bargain I made with him gave him access to you...You, I and Giles felt it necessary to ask him questions, and once again the pact I made with him gave him access to you... I knew better, I know what a manipulative sweet talking bastard he is..." Angel sighed.
Buffy was animated. "But we could have kept him busy and he gave me the chance to go. Angel this is purely my fault. He wasn't the villain this time. He gave it to me straight and I made my own choices and now we have to pay for them."
"Why because a newly arouse virgin wanted to have a little spice? Come on Buffy, give me a better reason. You're almost seventeen and he held out a tantalizing piece of bait and you took it hook line and sinker. Buffy that was his hunting style for over a hundred and fifty years... don’t think I haven't seen it work... it does, and well..."
"We can't blame him singly, Angel, I'm the one you're mad at, the one who fell in." She shut her eyes and shuddered. "I need a shower, I need to get clean..."
"You right Buffy... I can't blame him... he is a demon. His mode of operandi was that... but I can't blame you entirely... I awoke the sensuous virgin and left an opening he walked right into... I blame me for making it all a possibility..."
Shaking slightly as things began to hit her. "Angel, it's not your fault, you did what you had to!"
"Buffy, I still did them. To save your life I would do them again in a heartbeat. Now we have to learn to live in probably the most bizarre love triangle in history. Just as you are bonded to me, you are bonded to Angelus... you are the bonded consort to both of us. I am sure that added to the problem. You could feel his emotions..."
She thought about it and realized that was a very major part. "Angel, can we go back to the bedroom, I really don't feel good, I guess it is shock setting in. Yes I could. Angel what exactly does a consort do?"
He walked over and scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom. "A consort loves and supports their partner... feels their emotions and knows when they feel one thing and says another... A consort knows when to slap their consort around or to hug them. You can’t lie to you consort..." She huddled against him seeking his protection automatically, craving the contact. He smiled at that little act of love and trust.
"A consort knows when it is time to stop talking, and knows when it is time to make love to show the meaning of the feelings inside. A consort accepts the negative feelings... knowing they will pass, and beneath them hidden by the negative passion is the consort bond... untarnished and untouched..." He stopped next to the bed and lowered her onto it
She gazed up at him. "Angel, it can't be faked can it, the feelings?"
"No baby they can't be faked... not in a consort bond."
She pulled him to her and he dropped on his knees next to the bed while she buried her face in his neck. "So can you feel what he feels and vice versa?"
"You ask id I can I feel what Angelus feels? I have spent eighty plus years trying not to feel what he feels… but yes I can do so if I so choose... I know he feels what I feel... I often make him uncomfortable with my emotions..."
She swallowed this would hurt them both like hell. She shut her eyes. "Tell me… Please tell me, was I was wrong about him?" Knowing he knew really what she asked.
"No. You were not wrong about him... he loves you... with all the innocence of a creature first beginning to love he loves you... I was there experiencing the entire thing as it happened Buffy. I was inside Angelus at the time you two were loving each other." His voice got cold and flat at the end. It had just about killed him.
Shuts her eyes, *damn* as her head feel against him limply as she felt the pain swell up in /angel again form that memory. Feelings of hopelessness flooded through her to Angel through the bond. "God Angel, what are we going to do?"
"What we have to do...deal"
She looked up at him tears in her eyes. "Can we?"
" I love you with all my essence, I love you with my heart, mind, body and soul if that means accepting you loving Angelus then I have to ... because I can't leave you and survive... You're just going to have to accept I don't like the idea. It makes me feel cheap, used and unwanted... and love me even though I am a spoiled brat who find he has to share his toys and doesn't want to. I don't like to share..." he looked at her with a wry smile.
He reached up and cupped his cheek, watching his reaction closely. Buffy smiled sadly then kissed his cheek. "I know, will he?"
"He never had a problem sharing in the past... but then he was never in love before... so who the hell knows... time will tell. But you know what I want to see? I am dying to see how you explain this all to Giles! Because that is all the punishment I need to see... you explaining it... in detail to Giles!"
Angel burst out into laughter with a tinge of hysteria to it. "I want to film it. I think it will make fascinating watcher reading in the diaries too... for the watcher council..." he dissolved into near hysterical giggles and just held her.
Buffy groaned. "I'm not thinking about that till later. So we're OK?"
"Yes we are ok... it will be rough around the edges... but we'll deal" he pulled her into his embrace and stroked her softly. "I love you Buffy"
Buffy smiled while nuzzling his throat. "Thank god! I love you too Angel"

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