Armageddon Saga
ChapterThirty-Four: Revelations &Repercussions
By the Lady Sirona ladysirona@LadySirona.com
Buffy was hurt and confused and stood in the middle of the training floor staring into space. She heard Angel moan and roll over, and looked down into the handsome human face looking up at her filled with confusion. "What the hell? Buffy, what’s going on?"He asked quietly as he started to try to stand and found himself weak and fell back to rest on the floor.
Buffy looked down at him, irritation and anger growing at his betrayal. "I kicked yourass. Again," She finally told him. He looked up at her in confusion. "Oh..." He was obviously at a loss at what to say. Buffy frowned at him. How dare her play innocent now? "Yeah, Oh." Mimicking his tone she showed her frustration as she reached out her hand to help him up.
He was obviously still unstable from her blows, and allowed her to help him stand. He then just stood there in the open room, in a sort of stunned silence, looking totally bewildered. The remaining Slayers and their Watchers left the room, many snickering at him. He stared after them in confusion. "Glad I could be amusing." he mumbled underhis breath at their obvious amusement to his circumstance.
"Amused? Oh I am NOT amused.” Buffy spat at him then spun on her heel and started tostalk out. Angel stared after her startled. Every movement showed how she seethed with anger, and he had no clue why, he just *knew* it was his fault. He had never seen her this way before. "Buffy? Buffy, what is the matter?" He followed after her quickly, shekept walking, and was surprised when she actually sped up when she realized her wasfollowing. "Buffy... what's wrong? Will you please stop and tell me what's going on?"
"What is going on? What is going on? How dare you ask me what is going on! Did youENJOY that?" She snarled at him as she rounded on him in the hall. He stopped short in total confusion. For the life of him, he couldn't figure out what was going on. "Enjoy what? Getting my ass kicked by you?" Buffy looked at him in building frustration. "No. Throwing me to the ground after this morning, and going in for a real kill bite. You looked like you were having loads of fun!" She punched him hard in the chest as a painful form of emphasis as she spat out her words .
Angel was shocked. A *real* Kill? "Buffy, What are you talking about?" Buffy had started to walk away again and she turned back and bared her neck to him showing the nasty half bite and it's resulting laceration clearly visible on her skin. "THAT is what I'm talking about!" She snapped motioning to her bleeding neck. As a slayer it was starting to heal, the fact it was still bleeding attested to its depth and the total injury. Rage flowed though him, some one had hurt Her! "What happened Buffy? Who did that to you?" He growled deep in his chest and snarled. He felt a strong need to do some majordamage to whatever vampire did this to her.
Buffy looked at him confused. "What the hell do you mean who? YOU did!" She stared athim in confusion; didn’t he just remember the recent events? Angel looked shocked at that claim. "ME? What the hell do you mean me? I didn't do that… I would never...." He drifted off seeing the disbelief in her eyes, he must have, she wouldn't lie, but he didn't remember. "You had an audience if you don't believe me" She snapped at him.
He had hurt her... He had gone for a killing bite. Horror grew inside as he realized it hadapparently been him who had attacked her with an obvious Kill strike! He had hurt Her!
"But... I didn't..." He drifted off, a horrified expression on his face...he realized that even if it was momentarily... had lost control of his soul again, and as a result he had harmed her while it happened. He watched as Buffy turned away from him and walked slowly toward their quarters. "Buffy please..." He beseechingly asked her to deny what had obviously. He knew she heard him, but she kept walking.Angel stared after the woman he loved more than life itself. The woman he vowed hewould never hurt again. The woman who now bore his mark of a killing strike. *Oh god no... not again.. Not *ever* again! He knew he promised Tirla... but he couldn't face the fact that even unknowingly he had harmed Buffy... the idea Angleus could come back again.... He couldn't risk it again.
It was day. He knew it. He slowly turned and walked toward the front door, reaching for the handle that would open the door and allow the sunlight to bath him in it's cleansing glory. He would never hurt her again... he couldn't bear even the thought of ever doing so. He would make sure he never did it again, permanently.
Buffy felt the subtle change in his action and attitude, and quickly turned to see him reaching forthe front door. She stared a moment in shock. *He couldn't mean to!* But he continued the action and she realized he did mean to!
"Don't you dare!” She screamed out to him in fear. He stopped his motion but didn't turnaway from the door. "Dare what?" he asked in a resigned soft voice.
As mad as she was at him... she realized he was very close to ending it all, and shecouldn't bear the thought. She started to cry. "Don't you dare leave me alone... not now... not ever!
Angel turned to her, his voice hoarse with suppressed emotion. "Buffy you just told me I attacked you, I bit you, and went for the kill. That isn't a love bite on your neck...that is a kill bite." He sighed, "Something is horribly wrong Buffy... I am not holding onto my soul as I should, and the demon is breaking through...and I will not allow Angleus to return... not now... not ever!"
Buffy stared at him. He was serious. She knew how he felt. If he felt the hold he had on his soul was weakening he would kill himself. He had told her he would never allow Angelus to be free again. *Tirla was blending the two...Oh My God! * She looked at him with big tear filled eyes. He wasn't going to survive the blending! "You'll allow me to have our baby alone?"
Angel looked at her with sorrow. He knew this hurt her... but to protect her, and theirchild from the monster Angelus in the long run... that was what mattered. "Yes, if that is what it takes to protect you! I will do what I need to, Whatever I need to do to assure he never returns... I will do what I should have done that night I lost my soul again." Hestarted to turn back to the door. She realized then that if she didn't stop him she would lose him forever! She looked at him with tears streaming down her face. "Fine.. go.. You'll be dead, and so will I. I'll be dead in a few days...and our baby with me.” She hung her head. It was over.
He glanced at her and couldn't stand to see her pain. He walked over to her slowly andenveloped her in his arms. "Buffy, I love you. You mean more to me than my own existence. I love you... and I can't stand that I hurt you. That I tried to kill you..."
He held her closely as she snuggled into his embrace. He nuzzled into her hair taking inher scent. "Oh Buffy, I don't even remember. What else have I done and not remembered? Buffy I don't know what is happening to me..."
Buffy held onto him hard. She had a grip on him and she was never letting him go. "Ilove you Angel I need you. You can't leave me." He held her tightly and kissed the top of her head raining small kisses on her hair and face. "I love you Buffy but I am having a horrible time controlling the demon. I can't keep control." he held her, his lifeline, hissalvation.
Buffy realized he needed to know. If he knew what Tirla was doing maybe they couldwork it out. Or, he would kill himself in a vain attempt to protect her? She pulled away from him gently, but keeping contact and looked into his deep chocolate eyes. She then looked around furtively. "Angel, I know what is going on. Come back to our room withme?" She watched as he looked at the he door and an end to his horror and then back toher with all his love and passion. He nodded and followed her to their rooms.
They entered the quarters and he watched as she closed and locked the door. She was sobeautiful! He stood in the middle of the room, afraid. Afraid he would hurt her. Afraid she would hate him for what he did. Afraid he was losing his soul all over again. Finally he spoke through his fear. "What is happening Buffy? You said know what is happening..."
She turned and saw him standing in the middle of the room. His arms were open in abeseeching gesture. He needed her and he loved her. He loved her enough to kill himself to protect her. Her love swelled in her heart and pushed her anger and frustration aside.
He watched in disbelief, as she came into his embrace with all her usual love and passion, confusing him more. She held him, and then finally spoke. "Tirla, she’s
blending the two of you. She is blending you and Angelus." She felt him stiffen with her revelation. "NO!" he cried out as he pulled away from her and tried to run, but the door was locked, and Buffy had the key. He glanced around, fear on his face and lookingtrapped. His world was ending with the blending him and Angelus!Buffy approached him slowly. He was still a formidable fighter and she had no intentionof triggering a defense mechanism in the frightened vampire. He was poised for fight or flight, terror in his eyes. She slowly and gently put her arms around him and hugged him to her. He was nervous and tight but allowed the contact, almost as if he was afraid of it. "I don't know how she is doing it Angel..."
He came back from his fear filled thoughts to look at her. He knew. He should haveguessed earlier. He answered almost absentmindedly. "Magick. She is doing it withmagick. When we came back from The Gypsy camp and she separated us, she did some rituals with me... and I couldn't remember what they were....Shit why does she want to blend me and Angelus? What purpose does it serve?"
Buffy held him tightly. "She told me...she needs the vicious fighting ability of Angeluscontrolled by your heart and mind." She held him close. His body was tense and was trembling. "Oh god..." He hid his face in her hair. He held her a few moments and then pulled back and rubbed her neck a little. "Vicious is right, Oh baby I am so sorry...."
Buffy smiled up at him "I'm ok.”
He hugged her gently. "I'm not... I love you and I don't want you hurt... especially by me!" she hugged him tightly as she chuckled. "I was too angry for it to hurt."
Angel looked at her with wide surprised eyes. He then pulled her over to the bed and sat on the bed pulling her into him. "What do I do Buffy, do I fight it? Do I go with it? I don't know what to do. How can you touch me Buffy? How can you touch a blending of me and Angelus?" The self-hatred in his voice was painful for her to hear.
As if to show him she could touch the blending, Buffy ran her fingers through his hairand stroked his face and his neck. He responded with his usual enjoyment of her touch, butting into her hand and purring deep in his throat. He did so love to be touched. "I can touch you because I love you... and he doesn't hurt me either... I think this bite was a moment of passion in the middle of a fight that should never have occurred. I think you should go with it. I don't think there is anything else you can do. You can't fight her, we need to win this battle with the Demon Lord."
Angel's head snapped up and he stared at her. "What do you mean 'he doesn't hurt me either'? When Angelus was in control he tried to kill you...and he tortured you all those months." Angel stopped. She had lived through it... why did she have such a hard time remembering it?
He stared at her in surprise as she smiled softly. "Willow pointed something out to methis morning. She told me that Angelus...for all those months...was acting like a little boy with a crush... but he didn't know how to tell me he liked me..." He stared at her in shock, Angelus with a 'crush'? "He had chance after chance to kill me, but he never did, and most of all, he never, REALLY hurt me. He would tease me, and taunt me, and push mearound but never really hurt me. I think the word Willow used to describe it was besotted." She chuckled softly.
Angel sat there and thought and remembered back to Angelus' reactions to the diminutiveslayer. "Yeah besotted does fit his attraction to you" He chuckled ruefully. The thought Angelus was besotted with Buffy was actually humorous.
Buffy sat in his lap and hugged him. "Angel, You loved me. Angelus, he was intriguedby me. Luckily that kept him from killing me." Angel kissed her ear and down her neck.
"Buffy, There is a lot to be intrigued with in you. I am glad he was besotted with you. Usually he would just kill the Slayer as fast and as quickly as possible." He closed his eyes remembering some of the other Slayers Angelus had dealt with which had not beenas lucky as Buffy.
"But he couldn't. He had a crush on me" Buffy wiggled in his lap and chuckled. Angeljoined her in the humor of the situation. Buffy finally stopped as she stroked his face softly. "I should have realized what Tirla was doing when you came to me the first night we were back."
He looked at her, the unasked question in his eyes. She continued. "When you came tome, to our bed, I should have known Angelus was out when I heard the laugh and saw the smirk." Angel looked at her. Angelus… Angelus was out when they made love? The thought of Angleus touching her scared him.
Angel hugged her. "I don't understand. I remember that night. I know we made love andthen she came and got me in the middle of it. But *I* was there, I remember making love to you... I didn't hurt you... Angelus wasn't out...was he?" Buffy hugged him and nodded slowly. She knew instinctively that he wasn't going to like what she told him next. "Ididn't know, not for sure, until after she took you away..."
Angel looked at her startled. Angelus had been out, they had made love and she hadn'tknown? "Are we so much alike you can't tell us apart?" he growled at the thought. "You can't tell when it is me or Angelus?"
"Oh God Angel, you were making love to me, I wasn't paying too much attention..." Shesaw the hurt in his eyes. "Shit - that didn't come out right." He pulled away from her, pain in his eyes.
"You weren't paying attention to what? To the fact I was making love to you, or to the fact it wasn't me, but that I was a demon?" He looked at her anger smoldering in his eyes. Then the reality came to him. "You liked it! You liked making love to Angelus! I can't believe this... you liked fucking Angelus!"
Buffy sat heavily on the edge of the bed tears filled her eyes. The knot in her throatwouldn't allow her to speak. She hung her head in shame and to avoid watching as Angel paced back and forth in he room. It was insane. She loved him...and she had cheated on him with Angelus of all people, with his own body! She lay back on the bed in abject disappear and curled into a tight ball seeking to protect herself from the anger and betrayal in his eyes.
Angel stopped his pacing and looked at her laying in their bed in total misery. *God I amsuch an ass* He couldn't separate himself from Angelus. How the hell could he expect her to?
He went over to the bed and sat on it next to her. She flinched at his touch and rolled away. "Baby I am sorry. Just the thought of you making love to anyone else makes me insane... even if the other one is still me" He stroked her shoulder, and was pleased when she didn't withdraw from his touch. "I love you Buffy. I never want to hurt you. Tirla ismessing up my world. If she is indeed blending me with Angelus then I won't be all me... and I will have to accept parts of Angelus. I have a real problem with that and it terrifies me that you will have to. I love you and I am terrified I could hurt you... like I did today.I thought I was losing my soul again today Buffy. I thought I was going to hurt you again like I did the last time I lost my soul. I will kill myself first, before I hurt you or anyone else again, if that ever happens again." He lay down beside her and enveloped her in his arms. He buried himself in her neck and body and just lay there taking in her scent as he drifted off to sleep.
Buffy held him tightly, and placed her face into his hair, and cried softly into it. Because she knew he meant it.
Return to The Saga One index
Return to the Site Index