chapter3NC17

Xander knew he tempted fate being out in the garden after sunset, but he was prepared and he wanted a vamp to attack him. He wanted, no needed, to kill something. He was in agony. He loved Willow and they made love passionately and lovingly, and even got kinky at times. It was better than anything he ever imagined with her or any woman.

But there was fly in the ointment. One problem he couldn't solve and it was driving him crazy. He was with Willow, and who he wanted was Angel. Ever since that night in the chapel, when they were so sure Buffy would die and they had made love, there was a burning need in him. An ache he couldn't settle, an itch he couldn't scratch. What was he going to do?

Angel felt Xander's emotional pain and mental agony, which drove him to go in search of him by using the bond they had. Angel found him in the garden, sitting hopelessly on a bench in the dark. "Xander?" He asked quietly when the younger man was oblivious to his presence for quite awhile. "It is dangerous out here at night Xander. Very dangerous."

Xander looked up to find the source of his frustration coming out of the shadows. Where before it used to bother him when Angel appeared like that, now it settled him. "Hi... hoping for a work-out. Bastards are damn uncooperative when you're in a serious mood to kill something."

Angel looked at him stunned to realized he was *wanting* to fight a vampire. He had been so oblivious he would have been dead in a heartbeat if Angel had been one of his warm feeding cousins. "What are you doing out here like this Xander? It is not safe out here!"

"Oh and being in there is?" He spun on Angel anger flowing through the bond. "What the fuck did you do to me Angel? What the fuck did you do to me in the hospital? I hold the woman I love in my arms and damn it all I want is YOU!" He erupted off the bench pacing small circles as he wanted to get away from Angel but couldn't bear to walk away from him.

"I thought you knew what you were doing when you came to me that night in the hospital. It completed the Fledgling bond from England. We are bonded now Xander, that means it is forever. Forever until you or I die or I make you a vampire. I'm older I know how to control it better."

"Older… Well good for you..." Then the enormity of his words hit Xander and he sat down with a thud. "WHAT the hell do you mean 'completed the bond? You told me in London that it would fade!"

"When you came to me willingly offered me your fluids and took mine and you made love to me of your own free will it made it permanent." Angel sat down next to Xander.

Xander looked at him. "Oh fuck this is permanent, like forever permanent?" Angel just nodded. "Shit. At the hospital I felt your pain, I wanted to make it better not marry you!" Even as he said the angry words, he slid closer to Angel, aching to touch and be touched.

"I was in so much pain, thinking I was loosing Buffy, I forgot that little fact when you made love to me. I was hurting so badly I didn't think. I'm sorry Xander." Angel was abhorred that he had allowed such a thing to happen. They made the fledgling bond in London to save Willow, not make it a permanent bond. To have done it with Xander, who hated him, bordered on the absurd.

"Oh god Angel, I make love to Willow until we are both sated and then I lay in bed and all I want is to feel your skin, and kiss your body. I dream of feeling your lips on my skin..." Xander shifted as he tried to readjust his hard on. "Does it lessen like before? How long before I stop this damn obsessing of you?"

Xander shivered. "Oh god, how the fuck do we deal?" He was breathing hard and fast. His skin was covered in a fine sweat. He could feel precum on his cock's head caused just by Angel's nearness. All his body wanted right now was to lose itself in Angel.

Xander came to the slow realization right then; if Willow came out and told him to make a choice, he would stay right here with Angel. He knew it as well as he knew the sun would rise in the morning and it killed him.

Angel stood up and looked at Xander. He hadn't done it on purpose and it was always much harder on the human than the vampire, although the ache was there for him to. He reached down and took Xander's hand noticing how his heartbeat increased and his respiration doubled. Not from fear, but from arousal.

Angel pulled him deeper into the garden. "Come here Xander." He spoke softly to the younger man in a soft seductive tone while running his fingers along Xander's neck. Angel wasn't surprised when Xander followed quite easily.

Xander knew whatever occurred would be delightful. Fuck the world; all there was, all that mattered, was he and Angel. He slid under Angel's arm as they walked to a secluded area of the garden where no watcher in his right mind would go after dark.

Before Angel could say anything Xander took the bull by the horns and pulled him to him and kissed him a deep hungry demanding kiss of the fledgling for his master. Angel moaned. "Damn Harris, you’re a great kisser..." Angel opened his shirt to feel Xander's warm skin and tease the pert nipples while Xander did the same.

Xander moaned and licked and sucked down Angel's neck to his nipples. "Don't know where from... till this trip I was a virgin..." he licked and sucked and nibbled. "Oh god, I want to touch you ways I never wanted to touch any guy."

Angel laughed, "Well what is stopping you?" With those words it was as if a dam broke in Xander and he attacked Angel hands and mouth, running his hands over Angel's rippling muscles and brushing his cock. Xander shivered as the cool night became all too warm.

Angel moaned and ground his erection into Xander. He had not felt this way about another man since Spike and that was over 100 years ago. God, how this mere boy just turning into a man be such to him now? How could this one who had at one time been such a plague in his un-life be the focus of such lust and feelings? He intellectually knew it was just because of the bond they shared but it felt like the world.

Xander was stroking and holding Angel kissing and nibbling. He remembered over hearing Buffy tell Willow how Angel loved to have his neck played with. Xander licked and sucked along his jugular and jaw line. When he felt Angel push into his hip with his erection he smiled to his self he then bit him hard on the neck, right at the vampire feeding point.

Angel suddenly vamped, it felt so good. "Oh Xander, do you know what you just did to me?" He asked as he pulled at Xander's pants and changed back to human form.

Xander moaned as he felt Angel's cool hands touching where no other man had ever touched. "Oh God, how can this feel so good?" He pressed his erection into Angel's hands with a groan. "What are we gonna do...?" he asked before he lost his ability to think.

Angel looked at him. "No Xander we are not going to have sex I don't have any oil. But there are other things…”

"I don't know... isn't this sex?" Xander's voice was husky and shaky. His breaths came in rapid staccato. He was shivering and shaking in anticipation.

"Yes in a way, but we will not fuck, but there are mouths and fingers. Those can be as just as useful as a nice hard cock." Angel's eyes where golden once again.

"Show me?" Xander moaned as he was releasing Angel's pants and was rewarded when Angel's hard cock dropped into his hands. Xander stroked and played watching the look on Angel's face. Before the golden eyes would freak him. Now they showed he was really getting to his lover... *His lover? * Oh god....

Angel looked at him. "You not scared of me any more Xander? Good because I will never hurt you. " He told the younger man so warm and giving in his arms. He was softly stroking Xander's face as he bought his lips to his and kissed him slowly and thoroughly. He plundered the lips and mouth claiming all within as his own.

Xander allowed Angel's tongue to come in and claim his own. It seemed as natural as breathing and he took to it like a fish to water. Time disappeared and all there existed was their mouths hungrily consuming one another.

Angel dropped to his knees and took Xander in his mouth licking and sucking on his hard cock as his hands stroke and played with his tight firm ass. Xander moaned and purred as Angels' talented mouth did things he didn't even fantasize was possible. He knew he wouldn't last long "Oh gonna… oh god Angel… gonnna..."

Angel looked at him. "Tell me Xander do you want me to do. Fuck you mmm?" He asked as he wetted a finger and very gently slipped it into Xander's ass. Angel sucked hard as he pressed on that secret spot. "Come for me Xander mmm shoot your come."Angel realized to hell with no oil, he wanted to bury his cock in Xander!

Xander all but screamed. The invasion surprised him, but then he felt so good! He moaned "Oh god yes!" as he held Angel's head remembering that the vampire didn't need to breath.

Xander pushed back into the finger invading his ass and moaned "I... I... I... Oh YES!" he came with a deep and moaning pulse as the pressure inside from Angel's finger heightened his orgasm. It pulsed forth into Angel's cool hungry mouth.

Angel held the come in his mouth then took some and stroked it on his cock. Old fashioned lubrication in getting it ready for Xander. "I want to go deep in you, come in that tight fucking hot ass. Xander, I want to so bad. I want come deep in you." Angel said in a deep husky voice thick with passion and lust.

Xander watched as Angel stroked his cock and he shivered. Oh god he had played with inserting things in his ass, and loved it. He wouldn't tell anyone, not even Willow. He couldn't believe here was Angel who wanted it all, and all he could think was: "Oh god, yeah."

Angel turned Xander around and bent Xander over and slowly moved behind him. He made sure he was well lubricated with his own come then and slowly slid into him. Angel was moaning as he felt the head of his cock enter Xander's tight hot ass. He was pleased to find that he wasn't an anal virgin. That would have been hard under the circumstances.

Xander breathed to relax. Angel was larger than he ever tried to put there. "Oh god." Xander moaned as the cock slowly inserted into him as he relaxed and allowed the action. It felt it was incredible. He pushed back into Angel as he reached the full depth and then started to rock and was pleased that Angel let him set the speed. Xander didn't even think. He wanted it all!

Angel was in heaven. God Xander was tight, hot "Ohh yes, mmm … Xander please!" Xander started to rock back harder and faster, pushing Angel's cool hard cock up inside him harder and deeper. He shivered and moaned more as he set a rhythm that Angel instinctively matched. Soon Angel's hard thick cock was sliding in and out of Xander's ass as Angel alternated holding his hips and playing with his nipples

Angel groaned, it had been so long and god it felt so good! He was not going to last long. "Xander. I'm going to come soon. Oh god!" He knew Xander wasn't up to prolonged ass fucking right now.

Angel bit his writs and came deep as Xander tightened down. Angel’s cold cock pulsed inside of him and he soon felt himself filled with his lovers cool cum. Angel was stunned as he stood still in Xander.

Xander would have sworn he came again with that. Xander leaned against the stonewall and just enjoyed the feeling of Angel softening in him. After a little while Angel pulled out and they both got dressed.

Angel was looking at Xander as a sharp a pain of guilt washed over him. God Buffy was giving him two babies, and she could have died, he could have lost everything and here he was fucking Xander.

Xander felt stunned. He turned to Angel. "Oh god will it always feel like that?"

Xander sensed Angel’s uncomforableness and stepped forward kissing him tasting his own come on Angel's lips and tongue. *Thank god you don't have to worry about safe sex with a vampire* he thought irreverently as he kissed him thoroughly. Gone was the shy virgin.

Angel looked at him. "Xander I need to go check on Buffy you need to check on Willow." He stroked his face and gave him a kiss and started back to the house

"What the fuck are we gonna do about them and this?" Xander asked as it dawned on him that he was cheating oh his woman with her best friend's 'husband'...

"I don't know. Right now? Let us do nothing right now. They are not up to the stress." Angel wondered to himself if they would ever be.

Xander "Yeah I know what you mean. But are you sure you want to make sure your Slayer is at full strength when you tell her your fucking around on her?" The thought of Buffy's reaction made Xander's blood run cold, and it became ice when he thought of Willows. *Oh god...* "We are not going to be able to control this are we?" Xander asked in a small voice. Separated now only by inches he felt the ache and need to be with Angel starting again.

"No we are not going to control this, it controls us. I'll deal with Buffy she doesn't need the stress on the babies right now…" He idly wondered if he was trying to prevent the agony he knew he would see in her eyes.

"Oh shit Angel. This is a lifetime thing isn't it? Until I die?" Xander was trying to wrap his mind around the thought he was in a gay relationship with Angel, and wanted it more than he wanted a relationship with a woman. "God I can see why it is attractive now. This was what you did with Spike and with Drusilla, not like those flunkies we kill all the times right?"

“Yes until you die or I make you a vampire. Yes this is what I did to them.”

Xander leaned against the wall emotionally exhausted. "Oh god. We bit off a big one this time. Damn when we first did it, I didn't even like you. Now if you told me you wanted to turn me, I wouldn't bat an eyelash. Shit..."

Angel looked at him in pity for the distress this was causing the younger man. He was distressed but had experienced it before. "We will talk more, when we can be alone."

Xander nodded. "Ok." He watched Angel walk away, and realized their conversations would *never* be purely verbal. He shivered in anticipation.

Angel walked back to his and Buffy's room. He stood in the corner and watched her sleep. God, he had hurt her when he had returned to being Angelus, and now he was doing it again with Xander. He sadly admitted to himself he knew no matter how much he loved her, if it came down to it, he would leave her for Xander. That was the nature of the vampire bond. It was more powerful than anything, and probably even their love. Buffy had given him everything, and he cheated on her with her best friend's man. Some prince charming he was.

Buffy rolled over reaching in her sleep for him. When she didn't find him she rolled into a little ball her hand protectively over the children growing within. She was so beautiful. She was everything to him, his life, his love, and his passion. It was unbelievable but she was the beautiful mother of his children.

He was terrified to tell her. He didn't want her stressed and to possibly lose the babies. He knew she could not handle this right now, but he was scared to tell her ever. He knew that it would eventually come out. Damn it. Sometimes it didn't pay to be him. With life comes choices, and sometimes people don't always make the best ones. Him being a vampire was proof of that. Angel himself had made bad ones, but what he did. He did the fledgling bond in order to save willow, and he did save Willow at the time. He did it thinking it would fade, and it would have but when Xander and him had made love, the temporary bond had been made forever.

Buffy woke up. "Angel? Come to bed, Hold me." She mumbled an imperious command in her sleep he jumped to obey.

Angel stripped and slid into bed and looked at her. "I love you Buffy." He said to her as much for himself as for her. He pulled her to him, snuggling down with her, stroking her hair and kissed her. "I love you Buffy, I am here. Now get some rest."

She nodded off in the arms of the man she loved more than life it's self and she felt secure in the fact he felt the same way. He laid there and thought on into that night, about what had happen with him and Xander, about how and what Buffy would do, and how she react to the fact when she found out.