This is the modified adult version of Ashes.  I posted  it initially not realizing it was
chopped.  I have since modified it and added new the erotica.  It is almost a new story, if
you read it earlier.  I wrote the PG version for my daughter who complained I never write
anything I will let her read.
revised Aug. 5 1998

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ashes NC17

Joyce heard Buffy's bloodcurdling gut renching scream all the way in the kitchen.  She
ran to the front hall to find her daughter on her knees in tears, with a recently opened
package in her lap.  She looked into the box and saw it contained dust and ashes, a
necklace that looked like a small sword and a few rings.  A hand written note was nearby:
"Here is your traitorous boyfriend. -- Spike"

Buffy was rocking back and forth, crying.  "Angel, oh no, Angel," was all she would say
over and over.  Joyce realized by these actions that these ashes must be Buffy's boyfriend
Angel's ashes.  Why he was ashes, and why they would be delivered like that, she had no
idea.

Joyce went to the phone, and dialed Willow's number.  "Willow.  Come over
immediately.  Buffy just got a package from someone named Spike, and it contains
ashes...  Buffy thinks they are Angel's."  A gasp was all she heard before Willow hung up.

Joyce went back to Buffy and assisted her up off the floor.  Buffy wouldn't let go of the
box.  Instead, she curled up with it on the couch and continued her mourning.  Joyce
looked at her daughter.  She had obviously been very much in love with the boy... man,
she corrected herself.  The fact Buffy loved the man to such a degree, and she was
unaware of it being that serious, really bothered Joyce.  She was well aware there was a
lot in Buffy's life she didn't know.  She decided that being left out ended today.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Giles arrived at the Summers home after being summoned by Willow, to find a hysterical
and distraught Slayer and an enraged Mother.  Xander and Willow came up right behind
him. Joyce explained to them all about the delivery of the box and Buffy's response to
it.  Buffy just cried, rocking back and forth on the couch with the box tears streaming
down her face and soaking her shirt.

"Mr. Giles," Joyce's voice was cool, "I need to speak with you."  She motioned toward the
kitchen, away from Buffy's keening, and Xander and Willow's attempts to soothe her.
Giles knew very well this was when Joyce would need to be told.  He took a deep sigh
and followed.

"What the hell is going on?" Joyce erupted at Giles the moment he stepped
into the kitchen.  "Why is someone named Spike mailing Buffy her
boyfriend's ashes?  Why the hell am I the only one surprised about it?  And
why are you so involved with my daughter?"  Anger flashed in Joyce's eyes, and Giles
recognized the look of trouble form the daughter showing in the matriarch's eyes.  He
swallowed.

"Well, it is a bit hard to explain..."  He glanced at Joyce's eyes, which said, 'Try me,' and
continued.  "In every generation there is a Chosen One.  She alone will stand against the
vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness.  She is the Slayer.  Buffy is the Slayer
and I am her Watcher." He looked definitely uncomfortable.

"Are you telling me my daughter is some kind of superhero?" Joyce asked.
This was not the answer she expected. She had her vague suspicions which included
illegal activities/relationship  between the librarian and her daughter... Buffy playing
superhero wasn't one of them.

"Well, not precisely... well, uh...  Yes," Giles fumbled.  He never thought of it that way.
"Buffy is the Vampire Slayer.  She has saved the world several times.  Spike is the leader
of the local vampires." He looked around for an escape route.  Somehow he thought the
Buffy temper was genetic and wasn't looking forward to what was to come.

"So he was the one who killed Buffy's boyfriend Angel, and mailed his ashes to her?"
The pain Buffy must be feeling enraged Joyce.

"Well, uh... apparently so."  Giles looked out toward the living room where
Buffy's crying could be heard. She loved Angel so much. To loose him as a result of her
being the slayer, would be severely emotionally damaging to her.

"What is it about Angel?" Joyce asked quietly.  "There is something about him I am not
being told."  Giles looked at her: she had accepted so much.  Buffy would need support
and help to face the coming days.  He wasn't up to lying anymore.  To properly support
Buffy her mother would need to know it all.  They would need Joyce to help keep the
Slayer sane in the time ahead.

"Angel is... was, an ensouled Vampire.  He was 245 years old and he saved her life
several times.  They were deeply in love."  Giles felt like he was betraying Buffy's trust,
and Angel's.  But then Angel was dead and Buffy was who mattered now.  Looking at
Joyce's eyes he saw that she did indeed accept the unacceptable.  She was a remarkable
woman.

"Oh, God!" was all Joyce could mutter.  The entire situation was becoming clearer to her.
She had the final piece to the broken puzzle that had been her life for the last two years.
The problems in L.A., burning the school gym down, the constantly missed curfews.  All
the evasions and the obvious lies Buffy had been telling her.  It all made sense now. He
little girl was a Slayer, and all the lies had been to protect herself.

They were interrupted by Xander who barged into the kitchen. "Giles, don't you think we
should go over to Angel's and check on him... in case this was just a big hoax?" Xander
blurted.

"Why, yes!"  He never thought it could have been a hoax.  Angel just may be sleeping in
his bed as they freaked over his 'death'.  That would fit Spike's twisted sense of humor.
He looked at Joyce who grabbed the van's keys and motioned for him to proceed her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
As they drove toward the area of town with the Bronze, Joyce looked at her daughter,
whose eyes were red and puffy.  She had stopped her loud crying and sat dejected in the
front seat with silent tears rolling down her face.  It hurt her to see her daughter hurting
so badly.  Joyce's heart broke for her daughter. Her little girl was growing up.  Obviously
very much in love with the man Angel, she had now experienced her first loss of love.

They stopped at an apartment building near the Bronze, and Giles led them to a basement
apartment.  Buffy produced a key and they all went into the apartment.  Joyce frowned;
she didn't want to look to closely at why her daughter had a key to a man's apartment just
right now...

Devastation was inside.  A table had been knocked over, and a lamp smashed.  Signs of a
fight and a struggle were evident.  Buffy ran over to a pile of ashes near the bed, which
had been partially scooped up, and dropped to her knees crying again.  Willow and
Xander just stood beside her as she cried.

Giles walked around and looked at the apartment.  Joyce's artistic eye saw incredible
works of art in the room.  Angel had good taste in art, and obviously the knowledge and
ability to buy originals.  The apartment was well designed and obviously well cared-for.
It was the apartment of an intellectual with books and artwork.  There wasn't even a TV
set in attendance. The blocking of the windows was not missed by Joyce.

"I'm sorry, Buffy" Giles said to the mourning Slayer on the floor near the ashes.  "I was
hoping..."  He drifted off, realizing his words fell on deaf ears.  Buffy was beyond words
in her pain.  Giles softly assisted her to stand, and led her out of the apartment.  Xander
and Willow followed, uncharacteristically silent.  Joyce shut and locked the door.  Angel
had obviously truly died, and he was gone.

They all left slowly, each missing Angel in their own way.  Giles decided he would
follow up with the manager about his possessions at a later time when Buffy was
stronger.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Buffy lay on her bed, motionless.  It broke Joyce's heart to see her that way.  She sat next
to her daughter and softly brushed her hair off her face.  "I am sorry about Angel," she
told her daughter softly.  "I realize how much he meant to you.  You loved him, didn't
you?"  Buffy nodded, tears slowly running down her cheeks.  "Giles told me about the
Slayer business and Angel's true nature.  I understand why you didn't tell me.  It makes
everything so much clearer now.  All those nights you were out past curfew... you were
vampire-slaying, weren't you?"  Buffy nodded.  "With a vampire boyfriend it is obvious
that some of them you were with him also." Buffy made a low moan and turned to her
mother and cried as her mother held her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next day, Buffy went to her room and sat at her desk.  She looked at the clear glass
vase she bought to hold Angel's ashes.  He didn't have a memorial, or a gravestone. He
didn't even get a funeral.  He was just dead and gone.

Tears streamed down her face as she remembered her experiences with him.
She remembered when he followed her when she first arrived, and she knocked him head
over heels in the alley near the Bronze.  He had looked so cute when he had told her,
"Don't worry, I don't bite."  He had given her the cross that night, it had saved her
from Luke.  She now  wore it daily.

Buffy sobbed as she remembered their fight in the Bronze, when she had gone there
planning to kill him when she thought he had harmed her mother.  Darla's plan had
almost worked. It had been Darla that had made him a vampire, and it had been she who
first told Buffy that Angel loved her!  He then proved it by killing his Sire to save Buffy.

She remembered the kiss at the Bronze a few days later.  They had  both admitted
it could never be anything.  They kissed and said good-bye.  They were both so wrong.
Their love grew and up to recently they couldn't stay away from one another.

Buffy hugged herself remembering their rendezvous in the cemetery when she was out on
patrol. She remembered their talk when she was doing the egg study for class.  He told
her then he couldn't give her children.  She realized she didn't care.  All she saw in the
future was him and he was all she wanted.  She was a Slayer.  She probably wouldn't live
long enough to worry about having kids. All she wanted was him in her life, and now he
was gone!

She remembered their kisses at her bedroom windows the nights she was grounded.  How
he allowed her to nurse him and take care of him after he was injured by Spike and
tortured by Drusilla.  He was so strong, and yet counted on her so much.

His eyes, his little smile, and his strong, cold embrace she would never see or feel again!
All her dreams and plans and hopes that now lay in ashes, just as he did in the vase.
Buffy took out some stationery and started to write out her pain and her feelings.  The
cold lonely night just continued.  She propped the letter in which she bared her soul up
against his vase of ashes.  She prayed he would now know her heart now that he was
gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy was devastated and heartbroken.  She walked through her life with tears in her eyes
and a sigh in her heart.  The days went on slowly, and slid by for everyone.  Joyce
watched closely, and tried to cheer her at times, but knew the love she had felt for Angel
had been a true love, and only time would eventually dull the pain.

Giles came and picked her up every night, and they went off doing whatever a Slayer
does.  She would battle and then return home, listless as she was before she left, and
would immediately go to bed.  Joyce and Giles would sit in the kitchen and drink tea and
talk.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Giles came to enjoy his little tea times with Joyce.  She was an alive and bright woman,
and very proud of her daughter.  Giles told her stories of Angel and Buffy, of the times he
saved her, and she, him.  He told her of the times they worked well together. Joyce didn't
know of all of Buffy's experiences, but was learning of many of them.  She was
incredibly proud of her daughter.

Finally one evening, Joyce asked the question to which she needed to know the answer.
"How long do Slayers usually live, Rupert?" she asked suddenly one night.  She looked so
scared, he realized she probably already had the gut feeling for the answer.

It was a question he knew would come up eventually, but he wasn't happy about it.  "Uh...
they, ah , average about... um, nineteen years.  Some do retire, but very few."  He hated
the look of pain in her eyes as the reality sank in.

"She would have lived longer with Angel in her life, wouldn't she?"  Joyce looked at
Giles with tears in her eyes. "You told me how he has saved her numerous times."  Joyce
looked down at her tea cup.  When she looked up at his face, all he could do was nod.
Tears spilled down her cheeks when she realized that, in addition to her daughter
losing the man she loved, she probably lost her best chance for her daughter to be able to
retire from the Slayer business.

Giles stood up and came around the table and gently took her into his arms.  It felt so
good to Joyce to be held in a pair of strong caring arms again, as she melted into his
embrace. Giles just went with the feelings.  He didn't think about it, he didn't rationalize
it.

Joyce lifted her head and her lips were met by Giles'.  The kiss was soft and gentle and
slowly built with pressure and passion. Joyce moaned into his mouth as she increased the
demand of her kiss. Giles met her with what she needed.  It was what each of them
needed for far too long.

That night he didn't go home.  The next morning Buffy was very surprised to find her
Watcher bed with her mother, when she walked into her mother's bedroom.  Giles was
horribly embarrassed, but it raised the first smile anyone had seen on Buffy's lips in days.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

One Friday night about four weeks after the incident with the mailed ashes, Giles and
Buffy were out slaying.  Joyce heard a knock on her front door.  Now in the know about
the vampires in Sunnydale, Joyce was very afraid of any night visitors.  Joyce glanced out
the door and into the eyes of a haggard and very tired looking Angel!

"Angel!" she cried as she opened the door.  His clothes were wrinkled and torn in places.
He seemed slimmer and his eyes had large dark circles under them. He seemed surprised
that Joyce even knew who he was.

"You're alive!"  She impulsively reached out and hugged him quickly and smiled up at
him.  Her daughters guardian angel was back!

He looked at her, totally confused.  He wasn't used to people calling him "alive".  Even
more, he was surprised to get such a reaction from her or even to find Mrs. Summers at
home.  She usually worked late Friday evenings at the Gallery.

"Is Buffy around?" he asked tentatively.  He had searched for her when he got back in
town, and hadn't found her.  He was frantic in his need to see her and make sure she was
okay.

"She's out doing the slayer thing with Giles."  Joyce saw the shocked look Angel had at
her words.  "Yes, I know all about her being the Slayer. Enter if you are able."  She
stepped back as he stepped into the home. Only after he entered did the precise wording
of her invitation sink in. To the undead, it would not have been an invitation.

"Where have you been?" Joyce asked.  She was going to be very angry if this
whole episode with the ashes was some sick prank of Angel's.  She looked
into his eyes and saw his pain.  No, that thought had been unkind.  "We thought
you were dead!"

"Uh... I was taken prisoner by Spike.  I just got loose and got back to Sunnydale tonight."
He looked at Joyce.  She seemed quite knowing and accepting of him.  He felt really
weird.

"Do you know what he did?" she asked softly.  He shook his head no.  "He mailed Buffy
some vampire ashes with a note saying they were yours.  There was some jewelry that
she knew was yours.  We went to your apartment and there had been a battle of sorts and
ashes on the floor."  He stared at her.  Buffy thought him dead?  "Buffy has been in
mourning for you since that day.  She is a ghost of the girl she usually is.  She will be
ecsatic to find out you're alive!"  Joyce reached out and hugged him  again tightly.  He
just stood there dumbstruck.

Joyce hugged Angel tightly, thankful that her daughter's love and protector was back.
Her head stayed a moment on his chest.  No rise and fall of the chest with breathing.  No
heartbeat.  She slowly realized how cold he was. It was errie, and upsetting to her, but
yes, this was her daughter's Angel.

Angel was uncomfortable.  He didn't know what to do.  He hugged her back slightly and
she disengaged and looked into his eyes.  "I don't know if I approve of my daughter
seeing an older man... never mind one centuries older.  But I have to accept it because
she truly loves you."

Angel stared at Joyce.  *Centuries older!  She knows!*  He looked around for a quick
escape, but Joyce had taken him by the hand and was leading him into the living room.
She motioned for him to sit and she smiled.

"Buffy should be home soon.  She hasn't been staying out as late as she had been when
she was with you.  In fact she has been nearly impossible to pry out of the house except
to go slaying with Giles."  Joyce looked at Angel closely,  even tired, haggard and messy,
he was handsome.

Joyce smiled to herself.  She had an opportunity to find out about him until Buffy came
home.  "Tell me about yourself."  She smiled.  There was time, and she was going to find
out about her daughter's mysterious man now!

"What do you want to know?" Angel asked.  The fact that Buffy's mother knew all
about Buffy being the Slayer, him a vampire and everything was a bit unnerving.

"Where are you from?  How did you become what you are?"  Joyce stared into
his face.  Handsome was too gentle of a word for him.  Downright gorgeous
worked.

"Ah...  I was born in Ireland in 1729.  I was the oldest of a large family.
 I was changed at 24 in 1753 and was like all the other vampires until
around 1918 when I crossed paths with some Hungarian Gypsies who took
offense at my actions and cursed me with my soul.  I have not..."  He was
very shy to talk about this and his voice faded off.

"You haven't fed on human's since the curse.  Is that it?"  He nodded.  Joyce continued.
"Rupert told me your history.  I just wanted to hear it from you.  What I really want to
know now is, what are your intentions toward my daughter?"

"I love her," was all that Angel could say.  "I want to be with her.  Share with her."  Angel
was shy to tell this woman what he feared to admit even to himself.  Somehow however,
he knew he had better tell her the truth.

"Do you want to turn her into a vampire for her to live forever?"  She asked the question
she feared most.

"NO!"  He stood up and he paced.  "I never want that.  It wouldn't be her, just a demon in
her body with her memories."  He slumped down in the chair.  "I couldn't do that to her...
ever!"

Joyce nodded.  This was as she expected.  "What about other things?"  She wasn't sure
how she should go about asking a 245-year-old vampire about his sexual intentions with
her daughter... if there had been any.

Angel knew instinctively the question in her mind, and the information she needed from
him.  He decided to be frank about his intentions regarding her daughter.  "Buffy is
young, Mrs. Summers.  I am much older, as you know. If I have learned anything in 245
years, it is patience.  I am a patient man.  I can wait years or decades for her to be ready
for a full relationship.  The choice will always be hers.  She may never want a full
relationship with me, and may wish to find another.  If she wants to end our relationship
to gain a more normal one, I will kiss her good-bye.  I will do it if that is what she needs
from me.  It is her choice.  It will always be her choice."  Joyce smiled at his words.  "I
see her at night because I have to see her at night, not because I have ulterior motives."
He was totally embarrassed by the way he spoke, but he felt that she needed to know the
truth.

Joyce looked at Angel thoughtfully.  Here was a very handsome man, obviously very
much in love with her daughter.  He seemed honest and truthful, and Rupert thought so,
too.  Rupert had told her a lot about Angel: his love for Buffy, his tortured soul.  Rupert
told her that Angel had, and would again, walk through hell for Buffy.  Not everyone
finds that kind of love.  Joyce smiled and knew that kind of love from this man was the
best insurance she had for  Buffy surviving to retire from the Slayer business. She smiled
at Angel.

Joyce realized  that witht he emotional pain Buffy felt at losing Angel, that with his
return their relationship  would very quickly be a "full relationship" as Angel  so gently
put it.  put it. She also realized it would be entirely Buffy's choice and actions.  The poor
man would never see it coming.  Joyce smiled to herself.  Best not get in the way of fate.
Her Slayer daughter doesn't have her whole life in front of her like most girls do, to be
told to wait for certain things...

"She should be back very soon.  Why don't you go up to her room and wait for her
there?"  He looked into Joyce's eyes, shocked.  Was she saying what he thought she was
saying?  "Pull the curtain and the drapes.  That should keep the sun out in the morning."
With the last statement, she got up and walked into the kitchen, leaving Angel in the
living room.  Bewildered, he got up and went upstairs.

Joyce smiled.  She knew it was a tad bit risqué sending her daughter's lover upstairs.  But
Giles had been frantic about the loss of Angel.  He had told her of the numerous times
Angel had saved Buffy's life.  He probably hadn't meant to, but he had driven into her
how much she really owed Angel.  In fact, without him, she realized would have buried
her daughter a long time ago.

With his return, Buffy had her love, and Joyce had her daughter's guardian angel back
with her daughter.  Joyce knew fully what she would have done with him if he was her
lover,  and she found out he was alive after thinking him dead.  Joyce couldn't see Buffy
being any different.  She just hoped with as tired and haggard as he looked he had the
stamina to survive it.

She smiled as she made tea for herself and Giles and awaited the Slayer's return.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Angel tentatively walked into Buffy's room and looked  at the feminine room that
comprised the world of the Slayer in her home.  It never ceased to amaze him how she
could be such an effective Slayer and then have such a feminine room.  it just deepened
his love of her, whenever he was graced without the privilege of entering her world.

He noticed some changes in the room, there was a large vase on the table next to her bed
He walked closer, the  large glass vase sat prominently on the table with his necklace
and rings draped over it.  Spike had removed the jewelry from him when he had been
captured.  Now he saw the plans Spike had set in motion.  He cursed Spike under his
breath for causing Buffy such pain. He vowed to himself to redefine hell for Spike at
some time.

He looked again at the vase.  It was obviously some sort of shrine for him. It pleased him
in a perverse way she loved him enough to make a shrine to him next to her bed.  He
wondered briefly whose ashes they really were?  Probably some expendable flunky of
Spikes.

What he knew was  that she had thought they were his.  Anger boiled up in him.  He
couldn't believe the pain Spike at put her through.  He thanked God she didn't die while
he was a prisoner by being distracted in her grief.

He looked closer at his shrine.  Angel and realized just how strong her feelings must truly
be for him.  She loved him enough to still be in mourning a month.  She still had "his"
ashes next to her bed and his heart broke for Buffy.  She thought he was dead!

Leaning up against the vase was a folded letter addressed to him.  He looked at it
carefully and then picked it up.  It was addressed to him.  He didn't want to read anything
she may have considered private, remembering her angered response when she thought
he read her diary.  .  Seeing that it was addressed to him, he decided read it.

 It was a handwritten letter to him from Buffy

"Angel~

"Yesterday morning Spike mailed me your ashes and jewelry.  I found out then you are
dead and my world is destroyed.  I have to accept your death, but I don't want
to. I am the Slayer and death is in all that I do.  But I always thought you would be there.

I always thought you would outlast me.  I always thought I would be the one to die first,
fallen as the Slayer, or even eventually of old age. Never did I think I would ever have to
learn to live without you.  You were immortal, for God's sake!

"Now I can't tell you how much I love you.  I have wanted to.  I loved you even before I
found out you were a vampire, and even when I found out, I never stopped.  I really don't
know how deep your feeling for me go.  I know you cared for me, but did you love me?
You always seemed so afraid of me.  I was terrified to tell you that I loved you, scared I
would scare you away.

"Now I will never know if you ever loved me.  I will never know how you feel about me.
Sometimes I thought you felt the same way, but just as I felt you loved me you would run
away and disappear for awhile. Even moments away from you seemed like years!

"I  foolishly had such dreams for us.  I wanted us to be together forever.  I wanted
it to be you, for you to be the one whom I saved myself for, and gave my virginity to.  I
wanted to make love to you, and feel you deep inside me where no one has ever been.  I
wanted to share my life with you for as long as I lived...  Now, I never will.

"My Slayer calling will never really allow me a normal relationship.  I see that all too
clearly.  You were my one hope to have love in this frightful place I call my world.  I
accept that now.  I guess now I will go to my death a virgin, never touched.  If it isn't you,
I don't want anybody!

"All I have left is a hope to meet you in the afterlife when I die.  It is all I have left.  I love
you with all my heart and soul. ~ Buffy."
 
 

Tears blurred his vision. *She loves me?*  He looked down at her tear-stained letter.
*She loves me!*  He reread in surprised shock where she wanted to make love with him.
Her written out feelings mirrored every feeling he had and had been too terrified to admit
even to himself.

He looked around her room.  Mr. Gordo was on the bookshelf.  He picked him up and
held him.  How much Buffy must have suffered thinking he was ashes. He remembered
Joyce's words  "I don't know if I approve of my daughter seeing an older man... never
mind centuries older.  But I have to accept it because she truly loves you."  He realized
that even her oblivious mother knew Buffy loved him... it was *that* obvious... enough
for her mother to accept the fact he was a two-hundred-plus-year-old vampire.  This was
too much.  He sat on her bed and thought of Buffy.  He thought of the possibilities she
offered in her letter...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy and Giles came in the kitchen door.  Joyce was sitting at the table with freshly
made tea and a big smile on her face.  Buffy looked at the expression on her mom's face
and started to wonder what her mother was up to.  She did bizarre things when she had
such an expression on her face.

"Buffy, I have a surprise for you in your room."  Buffy looked at Giles and shrugged.
Another one of her mom's attempts to make her happy.  She slowly walked upstairs.

Waiting until Buffy was out of earshot, she whispered to Giles, "Rupert, Angel isn't dead.
It was all a game of Spike's!"  He stared at her in shock.  "Angel was captured by Spike
and now he is free!  He is up in Buffy's room.  That's my surprise!"  She walked over to
him and said softly in his ear, "Wanna come keep me company so I don't have to listen to
them all night?"  She bit softly at his ear and he nodded.  They finished their tea, and then
he followed her toward her room when he heard Buffy's delighted scream of "ANGEL!"
They both smiled...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Angel heard steps coming up the stairs and down the hall.  His first impulse was to run
and dive out the window.  No, he couldn't run from her anymore.  He saw just how much
his running had hurt her.  He had been afraid to let her see how he felt, afraid that being
loved by a monster would repel her.  Now he knew that not knowing how he felt had
actually severly hurt her.  He stood up and instinctively stepped into the shadows before
she entered the room.

Buffy walked into her darkened room, her head down and listless in her walk.  Angel
stood in the shadows and stared at her in shocked disbelief at the harshness of her grief.
Her body clearly showed her pain.  Her head was hung in sorrow.  Her usually well
cared-for hair was just hanging from minimal care.

Buffy glanced at the bed and the table next to it.  Nothing.  She glanced at her dresser,
and saw nothing.  What could her mother have gotten her? She glanced up at herself in
the mirror.  Angel stood right behind her, and could see her clearly in the mirror, while
he, casting no reflection, was not seen.  Her eyes were pools of pain in dark circles from
her sleepless nights.  She had lost weight and her face was gaunt.  A dark bruise ran
along her face, and obvious memento of her Slaying.  She hadn't even bothered to mask it
with makeup as she usually did.

Angel was so shocked at her appearance he couldn't talk or move.  Four weeks and she
still looked like this?  Her grief over him was the cause of such damage, to the woman he
loved?

She glanced around the room listlessly seeking her mother's surprise.  She missed Angel
standing in the shadows staring at her.  She sat on the bed and sighed a deep sigh.  She
looked at the ashes and tears welled up into her eyes and slowly spilled down her face.
She reached over, took his ring and necklace, curled up with them on the bed and started
to cry.

Angel's heart broke for her. Angel had initially been too shocked at her appearance to
even move.  He didn't want to scare and startle her.  A startled Slayer was lethal.  Her
grief and melancholy tears were more than he could stand.  "Buffy?" he asked softly.

Buffy looked up, startled to hear his voice, whereupon he stepped out of the concealing
shadows and into the light.  "ANGEL!" she screamed as she launched herself into his
arms covering him with kisses.  Surprised at the degree of surprise, Angel caught her and
met her kisses.

She was alive, warm and loving in his arms, she trailed kisses over his mouth and face.
Her mouth was soft and moist and hungry for is. He submitted to her demands and kissed
her deeper and more thoroughly than he ever had before.

Buffy felt him in her arms.  He was here, he wasn't dust! She couldn't get enough of him.
Buffy ran her hands over his chest and along his face. She sucked on his cool tongue as it
slid  across her teeth, he tasted so good!

Angel was surprised at her aggressiveness. She invaded his mouth with her warm moist
tongue and then nipped at his lower lip. He could feel his incisors growing with the
stimulation and tried to pull away. Her answer was to push him onto the bed and straddle
him without ever separating their mouths.

Angel was becoming frantic.  She was stimulating him more than he could stand. He
could feel the change coming on him and he was terrified of her response. He tried to
withdraw, but found himself being pinned with the power of the Slayer.

Buffy could feel his attempts to withdraw, and she wasn't going to let him run this time.
She pinned him down and felt his arousal through his pants. She was right.  He ran not
because he didn't want her... he ran because he did want her! She continued to kiss him
deeply and felt his fangs lengthening.  She smiled to herself. More than one part of his
body lengthened when he was aroused!

Buffy stroked his face, and could feel him morphing into his game face.  She knew she
would have to tread gently, he was so damn self conscious about his vampire visage. She
just stroked his ridges and face as she continued to kiss him deeply.

Angel felt Buffy running her fingers across the ridges of his face, and was surprised when
she didn't react to his vampire face.  In fact it felt like she was more aggressive after he
changed. His mind replayed the kiss she did at the ice skateing rink, when she kissed him
as a vampire. That was the first time he even let himself hope there was a possibility for
them.  Now she was leaving that memory in the dust!

Buffy reached down and started to pull at Angel's shirt. She ran her fingers over the
buttons and started to undo them, one by one as she kissed him. More and more of his
wide chest was coming into contact with her hands and she got frustrated and ripped the
shirt open bouncing buttons off the wall and ceiling as she tore the shirt wide open to
expose his chest and abdomen.

Angel was shocked at Buffy's aggressive move. He was incredibly aroused by her actions,
and found his hands on her back sliding up her shirt, exposing more and more of her skin
to his hands. Buffy just moaned into his mouth and with a quick movement her shirt and
bra was off and her bare breasts where pressed against his chest.

Buffy felt him sliding his hands up her back and stroking her skin. She reached up and
grabbed her shirt and athletic bra and in on quick motion ripped them over her head and
went back to kissing him before he realized she had stopped. Buffy felt her nipples
touching his cold chest, and it gave her goosebumps. She could feel the passion building
in her and the moistness in her core . She was so hot, and she needed him to cool her off!

Angel couldn't believe what was happening. He could feel Buffy's hard nipple against his
chest, and could smell her scent of arousal.  He panicked.  This was going to far!  He
knew that if they didn't stop what they were doing he would be making love with her
faster than she could think.  Did she honestly want him to? Did she really mean to make
love to him now? With great effort he morphed back into human.

"Buffy... we gotta stop" He moaned softly as she kissed him.  She stopped and looked
him right in the eyes. Her lips were red and swollen from kissing and she licked her lips
slowly.  "Please Buffy, I can't take much more" He saw her smile gently as she ran her
tongue over her lips in a slow languid lick.

"No.  I don't want to stop" She attacked his left nipple with her mouth, while holding onto
him tightly. He arched into her mouth with a groan. She sucked and then nibbled and his
erection thrust hard against his pants and into her hips.  She instinctively ground her
crotch down into his groin. He could feel her moisture right through the cloth and he
moaned deeply..

"Buffy..." Angel was losing the ability to talk or to act.  All that existed was her mouth
and her hot moist pussy on the cloth restrained cock thrusting against it. He was helpless.

She ran her nails down his chest, and grabbed his pants, and before he could stop her,
unzipped him and had his hard erection in his hand.  He moaned and he thrust toward her
and she instinctively grabbed a hold of his throbbing cock. She stroked it lightly sending
shivers down his spine.  He was lost.

Buffy smiled to herself as she ran her nails down his chest. She grabbed her courage as
well as his pants and unzipped him. He moaned and she found his hard cock in her had as
he thrust into her hand.  She couldn't believe it's size.  *That is supposed to fit into me?*
was all she could think. That it was so soft was incredible. She looked into his face, his
mouth was open, and his eyes were rolled up into his head. He was gone.

Buffy kept him in her hand, stroking him lightly as she removed her pants with the other
hand and laid down next to him. She kissed him deeply and ran her foot up hit leg,
caught the pants in her toes and pulled down as she pulled the pants with her hands. . His
pants slid down as he lifted his hip to facilitate their removal.

"Angel.  Make love to me" She straddled his hips, trapping his cock between his hips and
her moist cunt.  He could feel the moistness on it, and the warmth radiating from her. He
moaned and with a quick move flipped her over on her back and with a small thrust of
the hip he started to slide into her. He growled softly as he slid into his vampire visage
with the increasing passion.

Buffy felt his cold hard cock slid into her opening which was throbbing for his entrance.
He kissed her gently and sliding in  slower, giving her time to accommodate his size.
Buffy looked up into his vampire face, and looked deeply into his yellow eyes, and
smiled. "I love you Angel" was all she whispered as he gently continued to slide into her.
She then kissed him deeply.

Angel looked down and saw the love and passion she held for him in her eyes. He
realized he was in game face, and she didn't care! "I love you Angel" was whispered as he
felt her muscles clamp down on him. He was complete. He was loved.  She saw him as
he truly was and loved him anyway!

He felt a restriction as he continued to enter her.  He realized it was her hymen.  She was
truly a virgin and had gifted him with her virginity! "This may hurt a little Buffy. Are you
ready?" He asked her. She looked at him and smiled as she nodded yes.

Buffy relaxed in his arms as he thrust deep inside her with one quick movement, she felt
something tear and she tightened up. Pain lanced through her, and she felt him keeping
still as she got used to him deep inside her. He felt so good there. Then when she relaxed,
he started to thrust in and out gently and softly and her world dissolved into pleasure.

Angel felt her relax in his arms, and when he though she was ready he thrust hard,
breaking through the hymen. He felt it give way, and she gave a small cry of pain. He felt
her tighten up, and he stopped still until she started to relax again. When she was relaxed
again, he slowly started to thrust in and out.  She moaned and murmured unknown words
in his ear as she ran her hands over his back. He could smell the blood from her torn
maiden hood and he felt the bloodlust strong, but not as strong as the lust. Lust won.

Buffy felt tension building.  The pleasure she felt was so much better than when she
masturbated! She thrust up into him and he picked up the pace. She wanted all of him.
She pulled his hips into her and moaned and he thrust harder at her motions. She
wrapped her legs around his hips and thrust harder against him. He answered with a
harder thrust and more rapid response.  She could feel her pleasure building, and raked
her nails down his back which increased his actions.

Angel couldn't believe the demands she was making.  This wasn't a young girl!  This was
a woman whose demands rivaled the unbridled passions of a vampire... She was The
Slayer.. and he had a serious feeling he better please her or get staked! She met him
thrust for thrust, goading him to further exertions and depth.  He smelled blood in the air
from her torn virginity, and his lacerated back. She was incredible!

Buffy Started to come and she grabbed his back and thrust into him as she orgasmed,
locking him down with thighs and arms as she bite him in the neck hard as she came, a
scream coming through her clenched teeth. Angels eyes rolled back in his head and he
sank his fangs into her neck and toppled into his own orgasm, riding hers as it seemed to
go on forever.

Buffy slowly became aware of her surroundings, and Angel was licking at her neck
absentmindedly, tasting her blood full of her pleasure. "Oh that was awesome!" She
purred into his ear as she stroked him. He nodded and then realized what he was doing...
he looked at her neck.  His bite was plain to see.

"Buffy, are you all right?" He asked terrified he hurt or nearly killed her.  She laughed
low and sensually, "Yes, Angel I am fine!" She snuggled next to him and licked his neck
and running her hands over his body.

"Angel, will you do something for me?" She asked hesitantly. Angel looked at her
confused. He would rip his own heart out and hand it to her if that was what she wanted...
what was she so scared about?  "Angel would you..." She seemed scared and couldn't
talk.

"Anything you want Buffy.  I love you" he stroked her body. Typical virgin... raring to go
in seconds. She looked at him with wide eyes. "Would kiss me.." She drifted off again so
he kissed her deeply. She melted into his kiss, but shortly pulled away. "Yes... no.. not
there"

Suddenly he realized what she was asking for. She wanted him to go down on her.  "With
pleasure" he told her softly and he started to kiss her jaw and neck and trailed kisses to
her nipples.  She moaned and thrust her nipples into his mouth harder and he continued
his southward journey.

Buffy felt his mouth slowly moving toward her core and anticipation was driving her
crazy! She had read about it, and fantasized about it... and now she was going to
experience it... from her lover who didn't need to breathe!  He reached her pubic hair and
stopped to play with the curls and she thrust into him.

Angel could smell the blood from her torn virginity. Maidenhood blood was in her moist
core and the scent was driving him crazy! He licked out with his tongue and slowly
lapped up the juices on the outside of the lips. The faint blood taste filled his senses as he
tasted her moisture.  He thrust his tongue deep inside of her, licking at the walls, and
licking off the juices and the blood. She was thrusting into his face as he licked and
sucked, moaning and grabbing his hair and thrusting herself onto his face.

Buffy was beyond thought. he sucked on her clit and sent her into orgasms and then
thrust is tongue inside her sucking her dry... and then repeated the process. She wanted...
she needed.. She needed him back inside of her and she grabbed his hair and pulled him
off her and up.

Angel could feel the passion building, and he felt her pull him up and away...As he came
to her face with her juices on his face, he slid his erection into her again, and was met
with a low pleasurable moan from her. He started to thrust again as she began to come
again and again.

The climax once again found them biting each others neck, his neck bruised and hers
bleeding. They drifted off to exhausted sleep with him still deep inside of her.
 

Morning came and found them still in each others arms. She opened her eyes and looked
at him as he slept.  He was hers, he returned and was hers. He slept deeply, the sleep of a
vampire in morning, and she loathed to wake him.

She smiled and snuggled down into his arms looking forward to when he really woke
up....

Fin