The field was beautiful, like the spring fields of the home I left in Ireland so long
ago.  I looked around for some indication of where I was.I was alone.

I wandered around, trying to remember what had happened, what had brought
me here.  How did I get here, and how could I be out in the sun without
dying?  The rays of the sun are poison to the undead.  I looked up into the
sun, confused.

I sat under a lush tree, and closed my eyes, and tried to remember back.
My mind skirted the painful memories....  This was not going to be easy.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy and I barely escaped Spike's lair alive.  We were injured and hurting
from our interaction with the Judge.  We escaped through the sewers and
into the night's rain.  We showed up at my apartment looking like drowned
rats.

Even beaten and half-drowned, she was gorgeous.  She stood in my apartment
shivering.  I never regretted the fact that I was cold to the touch more
than I did right then.  I couldn't warm her with my body heat:  I didn't
have any.  I did the next best thing:  I got her warm dry clothes and told
her to climb into the bed just to warm up.  She took the clothes and looked
at me with her large eyes.  It broke my heart.  I wanted to hold her so
tightly then, but she needed to warm up.

I realized she was waiting for me to turn around.  I don't know why I
expected her to strip in front of me.  Wishful thinking, I am sure.  I
turned my back to her, giving her the privacy she needed.  It was the
hardest thing I had done in a long time.  The woman I loved more than life
itself was sitting on my bed, stripping.  I had a hard time swallowing.  I
pushed down the urge to peek, several times.

I heard her cry out in pain when she started to remove her clothes.  A
scrape, she said.  I asked to see the injury and she graced me with the
permission to see and touch her back.  There she sat on my bed with her
shirt clutched to her breasts as I stroked her back.  It was the most
erotic touching we had ever had.  I sat down on the bed behind her and
gently looked at the scrape crossing her left shoulder.  It was nearly
closed already.  Her slayer's healing was nearly as good as my vampiric one.

Then she leaned back into me, and I couldn't focus on her scrape anymore.
All I could focus on was her soft velvety skin, and her pressure of her
body as it leaned into mine.  Her skin was so warm and soft.  I loved her
smell, that of a normal, healthy woman.

We spoke of our mutual fears that we each nearly lost the other tonight.
The possibility of that loss paralyzed me.  Without Buffy, my world would
be meaningless and eternity without her would be hell.  I kissed her and
she met my kiss strongly.

It was different this time. Our mutual fear of losing the other put a
passion and an urgency to the kiss that had never been there before.  I
told her for the first time I loved her although it had be a fact in my
life for months.  I couldn't ever tell her before this, afraid I would
repulse her.  I told her I loved her...  I tried not to, but I couldn't
help myself.  God knows how I fought my love for her, until I was swept
away in it far beyond my strength to resist.

She mirrored my emotion!  She loved me too!  My heart soared as we blended
in a kiss that was neverending.  Our kisses became more involved.  I
started to pull away as I always do when we get too serious.  She was a
young, innocent virgin.  I was, and am, an undead vampire monster old
enough to be her grandfather several time over.  I never wanted to hurt
her, or expose her to vamipiric sex which can be quite painful, and
includes blood.  I didn't I could do that to Buffy, so when we would get
close... I run.

Buffy didn't allow me to run this time.  She silenced my protestations and
proceeded to "seduce me."  It wasn't hard:  I had wanted her from the time
she kicked me head over heels in that dark alley.  I just never thought it
would ever happen.  I thought she would eventually tire of my half-life and
seek a normal human lover.  I was wrong.

She was everything I ever dreamed about in my solitary days of sleeping,
and more.  She craved my touch as much as I craved to touch her.  She
kissed me and she bared herself to me.  I looked down as she laid on my bed
nude, with her hair across my pillow and a smile on her face that I knew
was just for me.

I trailed kisses up her neck to her mouth, and she surrendered her mouth to
my invasion.  She tasted so sweet and so alive.  I couldn't believe she was
gifting me with her love.  It was more than I ever expected and, God knows,
more than I ever deserved.

I kissed her breasts, and then her stomach.  I trailed kisses down to her
core, reveling in her little squeaks and moans.  I tasted her juices as I
sucked on her clit, and when I licked her velvety folds as she pushed my
face into her, she came.  She wrapped her legs around my head and abandoned
herself to my ministrations.

I took pity on her when she was having a hard time breathing, and I went
back to kissing her deeply.  I slowly inserted myself into her, a little
bit at a time, watching her face closely.  She was a little bit afraid,
which is normal for a virgin.  She was afraid, yet she was aroused and
wanted me!  I felt her blockage, and she rocked against me with a command
to move that my body couldn't resist.  I smelled her blood as I tore though
her virginity.  She cried out and grabbed me as I started to rock her with
a rhythm as old as time.

I hadn't lost my stamina in my decades of celibacy.  I made sure she had
several orgasms before I allowed myself to even come near my own orgasm.
Then she did the most amazing thing...

When I neared my own climax she bared her neck and brought my mouth to her
throat.  I had no idea where she learned the realities of vampiric sex, or
if it was just instinct, but she showed me the ultimate trust.  The Slayer
bared her throat to her vampire lover.

Even the love she showed me and the gift of her body didn't mean as much to
me as that single act.  I sank my fangs into her neck gently and took small
sips of her blood.  Her love and passion sank into my very core with the
minute amounts of blood I allowed myself to take.  I felt and tasted her
trust and love flow into me with her blood.  Complete happiness and
contentment infused me as she joined me in orgasm.

She curled up against me and fell asleep on my chest.  I held her, feeling
happier than I had ever felt in my life, living or undead.  I drifted off
to sleep in complete contentment.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I woke up on my knees facing her as The Slayer readying to strike me a
killing blow.  I was in a strange place that I had never seen before
looking deeply into the Slayer's eyes, seeing a look on her face I had
never hoped to see.

This was not my sweet gentle lover.  This was not the woman who gifted me
her virginity and granted me her trust to complete our lovemaking as a
vampire does...  This was The Slayer... the mythical Slayer of the undead.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and the vampire she was going to slay was me!

She had a sword and appeared ready to complete the killing blow.  I didn't
know why.  What happened?  What had I done to earn such hate from her?  I
asked her hesitantly what was going on.

She seemed surprised to hear anything from me.  Then she asked in a small
voice if it was me.  I told her I didn't remember, I couldn't seem to get
it together...  She came closer and I smelled her blood.  She was hurt!  I
couldn't help myself: I embraced her.  She was hurt and injured.  I told
her how I felt, since I apparently hadn't seen her in months.

She looked so sad, so tired.  Time had been cruel to her, and it was etched
in her face.  She had obviously not been sleeping:  she had dark circles
under her eyes.  I asked her what was happening, but she kissed me and
hugged me as if it was the last thing on earth she ever expected.  I told
her I loved her, and she told me she loved me too.  Her touch and her hug
calmed my fears.

My biggest fear has always been losing control of the demon, but that must
not have happened... or she wouldn't have held me with such love.  Then she
pulled away and told me to close my eyes.  I love her and I trusted her and
so I did as she asked without hesitation.

I opened them in agony as she rammed the sword through me.  I stood in
shock, staring at her in disbelief.  The love in her eyes and tears showed
me she loved me: why a sword?  It wouldn't kill me, just hurt like hell...
So why did she do it?

I called her name through my pain and reached, imploring her to help me.  I
saw her disappear into a vortex of some sort, and I was somewhere new...
somewhere I knew I would never see her again for eternity...  The demon
knew where we were and rejoiced at our new location...

I was in hell!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I dropped into a burning wasteland.  The demon inside of me rejoiced at
returning home to this hellish place.  It did not resemble the hell I had
been taught about as a young Irish Catholic boy...  But memory of Dante's
Inferno filled in the gaps.

I couldn't get past the shock.  Buffy had sent me to hell.  Literally.

I looked around and saw smoldering sparks fall from the sky and onto the
burning sand.  Sitting in one place got me burnt from both ends.  I walked
along and batted off the ashes as they fell on me.

I knew the secret was in memories.   What had happened during the time
between our lovemaking and my death--again?  I walked and thought endlessly
until I reached an icy plain.  I was used to cold:  I walked in and sat
down to think.

My memories finally returned.  Damn them, and me, apparently.  The gypsy
curse giving me my soul somehow had been broken.  Somehow making love to
Buffy lifted the curse.  The demon had returned as did all of my memories
now.  I cried frozen tears as I remembered the horror I visited upon my
love and our friends.  The pain, the insults, all replayed in my mind.

I remembered making that girl a vampire just because I knew it would hurt
Buffy.  Trying to kill Willow, Xander, and Cordelia.  Killing Jenny
Calendar just because she tried to help me.

I remember releasing Agothra, in order to suck the world into hell, and
trying to kill Buffy with a sword.  I had destroyed her life, taken
everything from her, tortured and nearly killed her watcher.  I had opened
the portal to end the world.  Buffy had closed the portal with my life's
blood.

To save the world, the woman I loved and who, despite all I had done to
her, loved me right until the end, sent me to hell!

I am Damned to Hell for Eternity...  Someone help me, PLEASE!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So there I was, back in the green field, far from the burning sands and
frozen planes of hell.  I could stand hell if it were like this.

"Hello, Angel."  I turned to look into the eyes of the woman had I killed.
Jenny Calendar.  My jaw dropped.  How could she be here?  I killed her and
left her in Giles' bed like some sick gag gift.  But there she was,
standing before me, smiling.  Why was she smiling?

"Jenny...  How...?" I stammered.  I didn't think I could stand it if I had
to face everyone I had ever killed...  The list would be too long!

"You asked for help.  I intervened for you."  She smiled again.  "Come,
Angel, walk with me.  We have much to discuss."  I had no option, so I
followed her.

We walked awhile before I realized she wasn't going to speak until I
started the conversation.  I am not good at talking.  Decades alone will do
that to you.  "Where am I?" I ask her, praying it wasn't hell.

"You're in the Summerland," Jenny answered.  That told me nothing.  Nowhere
in my early religious education in the 18th century Ireland was that ever
given as an afterlife destination.  I must have looked confused, because
she continued.

"The Summerland is the afterlife of the Pagans.  Happy hunting ground,
Heaven.  Each person finds what they expect when they die.  You're in the
Summerland."  She smiled at me.  I walked on, confused.  I expected hell.
Where else does a demon go?  I knew that, with the blood on my hands, I was
beyond heaven.  How could I be in the Summerland?  I had never heard of it!

"I intervened on your behalf when you asked for help while in hell."  She
turned to me.  "I owe you a great debt and an apology."  I looked at her,
more confused...  She owed me?  I killed her:  what could she owe me?

"I am a gypsy of the tribe that originally cursed you, Angel.  I was your
Watcher to insure that you remained suffering.  I failed my job.  I did not
tell Rupert, you, or Buffy about it.  Had I, you may not have lost your
soul.  In not preventing you from losing your soul, I interfered with the
Goddess's plan for you and Buffy.  I have endangered Buffy, and possibly
the world."  Tears gleamed in her eye.  I was scared about the threat to
Buffy, but I could not do anything about it...  I was dead.

"So, now what?" I asked her.  "I'm dead and will never see Buffy again."
Tears welled up in my eyes.  This hurt more than anything had ever hurt.  I
loved her more than my own soul.  I felt as if I was torn to shreds.

"Now, I take you to meet the Goddess, who has an offer for you.  And maybe
you will forgive me so I can forgive myself and move on."  She smiled at
me.  I followed her.  I had nowhere else to go.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She took my hand, and told me to close my eyes.  I hesitated.  The last
person who had told me to do that sent me to hell.  But, already dead, I
really had nothing to lose.  I finally did so.  I opened them to find
myself at the side of a lake.  An older woman was sitting in the grass
looking at the sunset.  I had forgotten how beautiful a sunset was.  I
wanted to share it with Buffy, and the pain returned.

"You did well, Janna."  The woman spoke with a soft and melodious voice.
"You may go."  She smiled at Jenny, who turned to me with tears in her eyes.

"Tell Rupert I loved him.  I am sorry we never got to experience it.  What
was under the acts that Eyghon did was my real emotions.  Tell him that.
He'll know it was me!"  She turned and, before I could say anything, she
was gone.  It was disconcerting, and then I realized how Buffy and the
others felt when I did it to them.  I turned toward the woman.

She wasn't a raving beauty, but there was a beauty in her beyond imagining.
 She was what I thought Buffy would be like when she was older.  I had so
wanted to see her at the prime of her life.

She laughed.  "I see you love her so much even *I* am compared to her!"  No
anger showed in her face, but love, amusement, and understanding.  "I am
Cerridwen."  I stared.  Cerridwen was the Mother Goddess from the British
Isles.  I did what I felt was appropriate for a Goddess.  I dropped to my
knees before her.

"No, my fallen Angel.  I do not want people on their knees.  It is not my
way."  She patted the grass beside her.  "Sit with me.  I need to talk to
you"  I sat in wonder.  What did she mean by fallen Angel?

"You and Buffy are soul mates.  You were separated when you were taken into
the eternal darkness.  She has looked for you across the globe, and across
time, not realizing you were out of the reincarnation cycle."  She looked
out to the lake as I watched her talk.  "I had plans for you.  You were to
be her protector.  She is the best slayer I have ever had."  I looked at
her in surprise.  "Yes, the slayers belong to me.  I did not count on the
gypsies adding to the curse to return your soul.  That shouldn't have
happened."  Damn right, it shouldn't have happened!

"All acts of pleasure are my worship."  She seemed to be quoting something.
 "To have such be your downfall was cruel and not planned.  Now, the
question is, what will we do about it?"  I looked at her in wonder.  Do
about it?  Going to hell and then here was sort of final, wasn't it?

"No, it is not.  You body went into hell through a magickal vortex, and
therefore can be returned to the physical plane through a similar magickal
vortex.  The question is:  do you want to?"  I looked at her, shocked.  She
had answered my thoughts.  "Yes, I know your thoughts."  She answered them
again.  I quickly tried to remember if I had thought anything offensive.  I
can be a real asshole in my head, and out of it also.

She laughed.  "No, you did nothing to offend me.  But time grows short.  I
will lose my slayer soon if we do not rectify this situation."

Lose her slayer!  Buffy?  NO!  I jumped up in alarm.  Nothing can happen to
Buffy!  But reality sank in...  I wasn't there to protect her...  I
couldn't save her...  She was going to die because I wasn't there!  I felt
a pain that hurt more than when she rammed the sword into my chest and sent
me to hell.  A crushing weight settled on my chest and choked me.

"Are you willing to reenter the physical plane in your original body, and
resume a life as a vampire to protect her?"  I nodded hopefully.  I would
give my life to protect her.  "Would you step aside for her to love
another, if that was her need, and still stay to protect her?" she asked
softly.

That hurt.  I wanted to be the man in Buffy's life, but I knew eventually
she would want a normal man, one who could give her a normal life, walk in
the sun, and give her children.  I knew it would hurt like hell, but if she
needed me to step aside, I would do so willingly just to be able to watch
her and protect her.  I looked up into Cerridwen's eyes.  She smiled.

"You are mine now, Angel.  You answer to me.  I will make arrangements to
have you called back to the physical plane.  I warn you:  it will not be
easy.  You will arrive hurting and in pain."  I accepted it.  I would
suffer pain willingly to return to Buffy!  "You will need to find Buffy
fast.  What your demon tried so hard to do, has finally occurred.  She has
lost everyone and everything.  Her heart and her soul are broken.  She has
left her home, her mother, her friends, and her Watcher.  When she sent you
to hell, it was the last act to destroy her."  She took a deep breath and
looked at me with deep pain in her eyes.  "She is suicidal, and if she
lives long enough, she intends to take her life on the anniversary of the
night you lost your soul:  her eighteenth birthday."

I was terrified!  No!  I couldn't be so close only to have her die or kill
herself!  Please, no!  I was frantic.  "When do I go back?"  I wanted it to
be soon.  I didn't want to wait!

"Now!" was all I heard, and I dissolved into pain and fire.  I felt the
sword in me again and the burning of hell.  I felt the demon within me rage
as we were once again bonded in mind and body.  I felt the bloodlust grip
me as my vampire body demanded sustenance, and the demon demanded a life...
and I fell forward onto the ground wracked with pain.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I looked up in the dark of a forest and into the eyes of some teenagers.  I
pulled myself to my knees and looked around.  I was in a circle, in some
woods.  Obviously by the trappings, some teenagers were playing with
demonic evoking and got me.  Bless their souls!

"Demon, we call you forth to do our bidding!" the apparent leader chanted
at me.  I stood up and looked down at the sword in my chest.  He seemed
confused at my appearance.  I guess I didn't fit his expectations of a
demon.  Little he knew.

"I demand you tell me your name!" he yelled at me.  I looked at him again.
He realized he had no power over me.  I had no intention of giving this
fool my name.  I reached up and pulled the sword out of my chest, then
looked around at him and his 'followers'.

"Run, little man.  You are a fool.  Go home to your beds and forget you
ever called me forth!" I snarled at him, sliding into my vampiric image.
He seemed afraid, which grew to outright terror when I easily stepped out
of his supposed circle of containment with my bloodied sword in my hand.

They screamed and started running.  I grabbed one.  "What is this place?
Where on Earth am I?"  The boy emptied his bladder in fear and stuttered
the name I longed to hear:  "Sunnydale, California".  I let him run.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I walked toward town, stopping at a farm to fill myself on blood from some
cattle.  My thirst raged in me.  The demon was doing a serious battle for
control, having so recently been in the driver's seat of my body.  I fought
and kept control.  I squelched the urges to kill, and focused on my need to
see Buffy.  I stopped at my apartment and grabbed my small cross I used to
control the urges when I fist regained my soul.  The pain kept me conscious
of the battle I would be fighting.

I couldn't wait and left to go to Buffy's.  Soon I was at her house, where
I jumped up to the roof.  Somehow I needed to explain what happened.  I
looked through her window.  Fear gripped me.  Her room was a mess, and she
obviously had moved out.  Her clothes were mostly gone.  Bits and pieces
were scattered around the room where it seemed she had hurriedly packed.  I
wanted to go in but was unable.  I left.

There was one place I knew I could find out the information I needed.  I
found myself on Willow's porch.  The last time I had been there, I had
killed her fish and left torturous notes.  How would she accept my
appearance now?  I knocked lightly on her door.

"Wait a minute, Oz" she said softly as she padded across to the door.  Oz?
Shy little Willow is used to having some male come knocking on her door in
the middle of the night?  I smiled.  I always knew there was more to Willow
than there originally appeared to be.  "OH!" she said, and stepped back in
outright fear as she saw it wasn't her Oz, but me.

"Willow, it's me:  Angel."  She looked at me, and then her face lit up as
she smiled.  I wondered why she accepted that it was me so readily.  "I
need to find Buffy.  It's important.  Do you know where she is?"  She shook
her head 'no'.  I noticed she made no attempt to invite me in, however...
smart move.

"No, I don't.  No one has seen her since that day."  I looked at her,
confused.  "You know, the day she went to close down Agorthra, or whatever
the hell his name was."  She gave a deep sigh.  "We don't know if she is
alive or dead.  We are assuming alive, since another slayer hasn't been
activated.  How are you?"

"I don't remember a lot.  I got my soul back right before she stabbed me
and sent me to hell"  Willow's eyes got big.  "I just got back."  I winced
internally at my phrasing.  I sounded like getting back from hell was like
taking a vacation to San Francisco for the weekend...

"Then my working of Jenny's spell worked on you?  You got your soul back?"
She was happy and proud, and then a deep frown crossed her face.  "Angelus
had already opened the portal?"  I nodded sadly.  "Then the only way she
could have closed the portal would have been to kill you!"  Again I nodded.
 "Oh!  No wonder she never came home!  You got your soul back, and she had
to kill you!"  Tears welled up in Willow's eyes and streaked down her face.
 I just nodded.

"We need to talk to Giles," she said, reaching for the phone...  I winced.
The last time Giles had seen me, I had just tortured the way to end the
world out of him...  She turned to me.  "Meet us at the library," she said
as she closed the door.  I had no choice:  I went to the library.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I sat in the library nervously as I waited for them to appear.  They all
had good reason to hate me, Giles most of all.  They walked in as a group.
I remained seated.  I didn't want to appear threatening to them.  I had
scared them far too much.

"Well, if it isn't Deadboy!" Xander snarled at me.  There was a coldness to
Xander I had not seen before.  He hated me more now than he ever had.

"What do you want?" Giles asked me coldly, hate and fear glinting from his
eyes.  His tone of voce was hard.  The floundering Watcher was gone.  Here
stood a dangerous man.

"I need to find Buffy," I said simply.  I then told them what had happened
to me, and what I had been told about Buffy.  They listened to all I said,
and never said a word.  That would have been impossible for the Xander I
used to know.

"She's gone," Giles said slowly.  "She never returned from that battle.
Her mother said they had a fight over her being the slayer.  She knows now
she is the slayer.  She apparently moved out that morning after the battle,
so we know she survived... physically.  None of us have seen her or have
heard from her, nor do we know where she is.  It's been six months."

Six months?  My God!  She has been wandering alone and hurting for six
months?  "I've got to find her!" I told them.  "She's going to die if I
don't!"

"Like hell!  She'll probably die if you do!  How do we know if the spell
worked, you murderous son of a bitch?" Xander snarled at me.  I looked him
in the eye and ripped open my shirt, baring my chest.

"Then stake me.  If I fail her and she dies, I want that anyway.!"  He
stood staring at my chest in confusion... and then I remembered.  I was
wearing my small golden crucifix, the one I'd worn in the early days after
the curse when I battled the demon and the bloodlust.  The constant pain of
the cross around my neck help keep the demon at bay.  I wore it again now
because of how hard the demon was fighting since my return to the physical
plane.  I guess a vampire wearing a cross was a little bit too weird for
Xander and the rest.  But it made them realize that it was me and not
Angelus in a way I could never have done otherwise.

"Let's see if we can find her!" Willow blurted.  The Friends of Buffy
started to work on finding her location.  I had to find her!  I didn't go
through hell, literally, just to go to her funeral!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They searched for her, each in his or her own way:  Giles in his books
looking for prophecy, Willow on the World Wide Web.  As I watched her
working, I realized my need to get more into computers: they're handy...

"I think I got her!"  Willow erupted from her chair waving at us to get our
attention.  We all went over to her and tried to look at the screen at the
same time.  Xander flinched when I came up next to him.  Damn, it's going
to take a long time for everyone to get comfortable around me, if ever.

"A small town in northern Nevada reports having vampire problems.  A young
blonde girl is fighting them, but they need help."  Willow looked up with
her deep, expressive eyes.  "Do you think it is Buffy?"

"We need to check," Giles said as she handed him the printout with the
information for contact.  I glanced at it quickly:  a church?  Giles
mumbled to himself as he walked into his office to make the call.

As we waited for the results of Giles' phone conversation, the last person
I ever expected or wanted to see walked in:  Buffy's mother.  What was
weirder, no one else seemed surprised.  No one changed what they were doing
in any way.

She walked up to Willow.  "Any word on her?  Giles called me and told me to
come over because something was going on."  She was nervous, and I wondered
how much she knew and what she was thinking.

"We have a lead.  She may be in Nevada."  Willow continued with her web
searching.  "Giles is checking now."  Joyce sighed, looked around, and saw
me.  I expected her to run but she came right up to me.

"You're the one," she said to me, simply.  "Excuse me?" I replied.  I had
no idea where she was coming from, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know.  I
remembered Angelus stalking her, telling her that Buffy and I had made
love, then stalking Buffy.  God, that must have made life difficult for
Buffy!  Her mother must think I am a psycho!

"You're the one who broke my daughter's heart and then stalked her," she
hissed at me:  the mother protecting the offspring.  "She said she was
going to kill you when she left that night."

"I never meant to hurt anyone," I stammered.  I sounded lame to my own
ears.  I looked around as Giles came up and put his arm around her...
Giles and Joyce?

"Joyce," Giles took her attention from me, "I told you what happened the
night of her birthday.  Angel lost his soul.  What happened afterwards was
the demon... NOT Angel.  Angel didn't hurt Buffy on purpose:  there was
nothing he could do.  Angel loves Buffy and she loves him."  He pulled her
into a hug and kissed her forehead.

Joyce pulled away and yelled at me.  "So, why the hell are you showing up
now?  Why didn't you show up then?"  Anger and pain warred in her eyes.  I
didn't want to hurt her further by letting her think I abandoned Buffy by
choice in any way.

"Buffy sent me into hell that day.  Literally.  To close the portal to
hell, which, if left open, would have destroyed the world, she had to send
me to hell.  I just now got back."  Joyce just stared at me and then looked
to Giles, who nodded.  She walked away and sat down.  I stared after her.
I wasn't on the best of terms with the mother of the woman I loved... but
it could be worse.

"I talked with the priest of the Catholic church there, a Father McCahey.
Yes, I believe Buffy is there.  He described her well, right down to the
leather jacket, cross, and claddagh ring.  They are in dire straits,
though.  She has been fighting, but she but is exhausted, demoralized, and
weak.  We need to get there soon."  Giles looked at the group.  What an
interesting crew we made.

"How are we going to get to northern Nevada?  Oz's van won't make that kind
of trip, and your car isn't big enough," Xander thought out loud for all of
us.  I added in my mind that I couldn't travel in an unshielded car in
daylight.  I realized it was time to call in favors from old friends and go
car shopping.

"Joyce, we need to get a vehicle for the trip.  Will you take me?"  She
looked at me in surprise.  I thought keeping her involved would be smart.
She nodded and followed me out to her car.  "Giles, be ready to leave when
we return," I called to him as I left.  I saw him nod.

I climbed into the car when she opened the door for me.  I wondered if she
really understood that I was a vampire or she had thought I had just been
cursed.  Is she really that oblivious?  We didn't talk beyond my
instructions to go to a particular car lot.

We arrived at the lot, whose owner's life and family I had saved about 15
years before.  I was now calling in the favor.  He met me with a big smile.
 "Angel!  How nice to see you!  What can I do for you?"  I was unused to
people being happy to see me, especially recently.  Joyce wandered off.  I
told him what we needed as we walked.

He showed me a limo with darkened windows in the back, large enough for the
whole crowd and big enough to be a mobile lair in the daytime.  The large
trunk would hold the luggage and the weapons.  "Write it up.  The owner
will be the woman with me.  Speed is of the essence," I told him as I
handed him my credit card.

Joyce accepted my decision to register the car in her name and gave the
owner the information and then drove her car home after the initial
paperwork was finished.  I drove the limo when it was ready.  She was
packed and ready to go when I drove up in the limo.  She stared at it.  I
guess she didn't realize what kind of car I bought her.  "You gave me
this?" she asked in a small, shocked voice.  I nodded in the  affirmative.
"Why?" she asked.

"I am not completely current and up to date on my ID."  I had alternate
identities for business transactions, but I was unsure of their status
since I had been out of contact with my solicitor for six months.  "It
would have caused too many problems for him.  If I don't survive, you can
sell it and spend the money however you wish."  If Buffy were not alive, I
would not see another night, I vowed to myself.

"Why shouldn't you survive?" she asked.  Damn... she saw more than I
originally meant to say.  Why do moms always ask the hard stuff?

"My only purpose on this earth is Buffy."  I told her gently.  "If she is
dead, or refuses me or my help when we find her, I won't be around to worry
about the car."  That sounded maudlin to my own ears... maybe she still
thinks I'm an obsessed psychotic.  In a way I am.

"Giles tells me you a vampire," she said softly.  Talk about non sequitur!
I now see where Buffy gets it.  The cat was out of the bag... now, what
could I do?

"Yes," I answer simply and honestly.  Honesty is the best policy... until I
get staked.

"How long have you loved my daughter?"  She turned toward me with large
eyes.  She reminded me so much of Buffy it hurt.  I wondered if Buffy would
be much like her mother if she lived that long.  Hopefully not as oblivious...

I decided to tell her mother the truth.  "I have loved her since she
knocked me on my ass in an alley behind the Bronze, right after you moved
to Sunnydale.  That was the night I gave her the cross."

"You gave her the cross she always wears?"  Joyce seemed to be putting
things together.  I hoped I wasn't getting Buffy into trouble.  If I wanted
a chance in her life, I figured that I had better be on good terms with her
mother.  "The leather jacket?" she asked softly.  I nodded as another piece
dropped into place for her.

"The ring?" she asked softly.  I winced.  She obviously connected the
claddagh ring with Buffy's pain.  She reached over and took my right hand
with the ring on it.  "What does it mean?" she asked softly, holding my
hand and looking at the ring more closely.  I felt uncomfortable:  I was
holding hands with Buffy's mother...

"The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty, the heart,
well you know... love."  As I said those words, I remembered telling them
to Buffy on that cold pier...  I had been too shy to tell her even then
that I loved her more than life itself.

"You loved her totally, even then."  It was a statement, not a question.
She looked up and tears were in her eyes.  "I saw her the day after her
birthday.  I saw her pain, but she wouldn't tell me what was wrong.  I held
her as she cried.  Her heart was broken, I could tell, but I couldn't
help."  Tears streaked down her face silently.  She cries just like her
daughter.

"Buffy wanted to protect you.  She loves you very much.  She didn't ask to
be the slayer."  I took her hand in mine.  We were now parked at the
school.  "You were her piece of sanity, her normality, her foundation.  She
hated lying to you, but was afraid to tell you.  Afraid you would be eaten
with fear, and hate her for it"  Joyce accepted what I said.  Imagine that,
me, calming her.

"Your hands are cold."  I nodded.  She was beginning to pick up the
differences between me and a human.  This was good.  Time for a lesson for
the slayer's mother in vampirism.

"I also don't breathe or cast a reflection.  I cannot go out into the
sunlight, or enter a human's residence without an invitation.  I can be
injured by holy objects."  I had decided to state the necessary things she
needed to know. " I can be killed by the sunlight, by fire, decapitation,
or wood through the heart."  She looked at me with large eyes.

"How old are you?" she finally asked.  She was just as much into the
non-sequitur as Buffy.  I smiled.

"245 years old."  She looked startled.  "I know,  I am older than Buffy,
older than your grandmother, in fact.  Between us, age doesn't matter."  I
winced internally.  Right Angel, tell the woman whose 17-year-old daughter
you love, had sex with, and whose heart you broke, that age doesn't matter.
 Sometimes I can be so stupid, I even amaze myself.

"You really and truly honestly love her."  She stated the truth simply.  I
nodded.  There was nothing I could add to that statement.  She continued.
"I can't stop you.  Rupert explained to me that the chances for her
retiring from slaying were nil until you came along.  She was unlikely to
live this long after she lost you.  With you by her side, she may live long
enough to retire."  She looked out the window, tears running down her face.

To realize the mortality of your child was too painful for a parent.  I
knew that, all too well.  "But so help me, God, if you ever hurt her like
that again, like you hurt her this last time, I'll kill you myself!"

I stared at her, open-mouthed.  She meant it.  I told her, "If I ever hurt
her like that again, I'd want you to."  She nodded and walked into the
school.  Now I know where Buffy gets the attitude.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

We loaded up everyone, and since it was still night, I started driving.  I
could easily drive all night.  Day would be their problem.  We headed north
and east.  I strongly dislike driving into the rising dawn.  Every bit of
my essence wanted to run and hide.  When the beginning dawn's light became
too painful for me, I pulled over and went into the back.  They were all
sleeping.  I woke Giles and sent him up front to drive.  I crawled into a
corner and tried to sleep.

I had my usual nightmares of blood and destruction.  I relived the things
the demon did in my body after I lost my soul for the second time.  I awoke
from my nightmares with a cry on my lips to find everyone awake and
watching me.  I realized I had woken them with my nightmares.  I apologized
for waking them and mumbled something about nightmares.  Xander mumbled
something about knowing what I meant, and that he was glad I'd had them too.

Sleep is not essential for vampires.  It does, however, help pass the time
when you're trapped in a vehicle with people who used to be your friends,
but now aren't.  I slipped back into it in a vain attempt to avoid their
stares.

The dream I had terrified me when I went back to sleep.  I saw Buffy:  she
was gaunt, tired, and depressed.  Her spirit had been broken.  She was a
shell of the woman I remembered.  She was an automaton who battled vampires
while giving them unbelievable chances to end her life.  It was almost as
if she was suicidal and hoping they would do the act for her.  Her clothes
that were usually neat and flattering to her were uncared-for. Her hair was
stringy and unbrushed.  Even at the end of a full battle, she never looked
this bad, not even when she had died at the master's hand!  My heart broke
and I cried out for her.

I awoke with her name on my lips and the sound of my scream resounding in
the limousine.  Once again, I woke everyone up with my nightmare.  Joyce
was looking at me closely.  I felt like a bug under glass.

I apologized again and decided that sleep was not the thing for me to do.
I looked out the window at the daylight.  Being out in the day was unusual
for me.  Too bad the scenery had to be the desolation of I-5.

I needed to see Buffy so badly, it was a physical pain.  Even being stabbed
and sent to hell didn't hurt so badly.  What if she hated me when I found
her?  What if she refused me and didn't want me around her at all?  What if
she could never trust me again?

I looked into my heart.  What did I want from her?  Everything.  The night
of her birthday gave me a taste of heaven with which even heaven could even
compete.  When she made love to me, my life was complete.  I wanted her,
mind, body, and soul.  I wanted her in my life.  I wanted to be capable to
touch her whenever I wanted to.  My God!  I wanted to be her partner for
the rest of her life...

What if she hated me?  What if she didn't want me in her life, not even as
a protector?  I would have been a fool if I thought for one moment that she
wanted me, a vampire, in her life as a long-term partner.  I couldn't give
her a normal life.  I couldn't give her children.  What did I have to offer
her as a consort?  I was a fool.

By the time we stopped somewhere for dinner I was thoroughly depressed.
The sun was setting enough to allow me to get out of the car.  For lack of
anything else to do I joined them for dinner.  I told the waitress that I
just wanted a bottomless glass of soda.  I also would be picking up the tab
for the table.

I watched them eat.  Apparently, the food was good, judging by the gusto
with which they attacked their meals.  Xander had no qualms about seriously
running up the bill.  I smiled to myself.  Let him feel he is getting one
up on me.  He deserves the feeling.

Since it was dark, I drove the rest of the way.  I could feel the pull of
the Master that resonated in Buffy ever since he had bit her.  I sped up.
We were less than 10 miles from our destination.  I sped up.

We were within five miles when I was pulled over by a Nevada highway patrol
for doing 105 m.p.h.  My first urge was to kill him and drive on, but I
didn't think that would go over well with the others.  I really get
disgusted at my darker urges.

"Going to a fire?" the officer sarcastically asked me as I handed him my
ID, praying it was still valid.

"No, vampire hunting," I snarled.  Had I lost my mind?  The last thing I
needed to have happen is to have this overgrown boy scout get a hankering
to arrest me.  Hunger must have really been making me irritable.  I noticed
that he was looking at the half-made stake on the seat beside me...  Oh
good:  now he would think I was crazy!

"Heading into the next town, I take it," he asked, seriously.  I nodded.
"The majority of the people are camping out in the church on Main Street
near the town center.  That's where the slayer is staying.  You may want to
go there first."  With that, he handed me my ID and walked away.

I sat for a bit in total surprise.  Buffy was known to him, as well as the
vampires?  This was just too weird.  I saw cattle off the side of the road
and realized I really needed to feed.  Hunger ate at me like acid.  I
didn't need to tempt fate by going into battle undernourished and under
strength.  Giles got out of the back to see what was going on.  I told him
about the interaction with the officer, and then told him to drive up the
road a mile and wait five minutes, then come back and get me.  I got out
and walked toward the cattle.  He did as I asked.  Thanks the Gods for
rational watchers.  I hate chasing cows around.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After he picked me up again, we finished the drive into the town.  It was
deserted.  We drove until we found the church.  I frowned.  They thought
they were safe in the church, but, in fact, they were sitting ducks.  A
vampire can enter a church.  Fledglings disliked to do so as it was painful
for them, but an older vampire could do so easily.

Giles parked in front of the church and climbed in back.  "Willow, go into
the church and see if Buffy is there.  You are the least threatening to her
right now."  Willow nodded, climbed out of the car, and went into the
church.  We all waited in fear of her response to us being there.  She had
left all of them.  She thought I was in hell.  What would be her response
to us?

Giles looked at us and continued.  "Buffy has been very deeply emotionally
hurt.  Remember how she was after the Spring Fling?  Be supportive.  Angel,
don't be too pushy."  That was an understatement.  She had been a regular
bitch when she had come back from the summer at her dad's.  I still
remember her dance with Xander.  I almost killed him that night because of
it...

I planned to be open and accepting, to let her control the interaction and
take it where and how she wanted to.  I was so anxious my teeth hurt.

Willow returned quicker than expected, smiling.  "I found her.  I told her
the 'whole team' was here.  I didn't tell her Angel or her Mom were here,
though."  Willow started to cry and took in a deep, sobbing breath.  "Oh,
Giles, she looks so horrible!"  She hugged Joyce tightly.

We all got out of the limousine.  People stared at us untrustingly.  We
were strangers in a town where a stranger could mean your death.  I
followed behind the others at a short distance.  I wanted them to see her
first, to support her in the shock I knew it would be to her for her to see
me.  She had sent me to hell after all.  She might fear what came back out
of hell.

I saw a vampire approaching a woman who was allowing him to come too close.
 He was a fledgling, probably made within the last 24 hours.  She probably
didn't even know he was a vampire.  Before he knew what hit him, I buried a
stake into his back and he exploded into dust.  She looked at me, shocked.
I looked up to the stares of the townspeople.  They looked at me
differently now, too.  I was a vampire hunter to them now.  I guess I
innocently managed to establish our credentials without even trying.

I walked toward the church.  I saw they had a barricade where those who
wished to enter had to place a hand in holy water or touch a cross to come
into the building.  Not wonderful, but it showed that someone, probably
Buffy, was thinking.  I pointed to the cross around my neck and was waved
in.  I guess they couldn't conceive of a vampire wearing a cross either.

I entered the church and looked around.  The people were packed in there
like sitting ducks.  We needed to seal the building.  I saw Giles and Joyce
talking with a priest as I headed for them up toward the altar.

When I got closer, I saw that off to the side of the altar was Buffy.  She
appeared just as I saw in my nightmare.  She was thin, gaunt, and unkempt.
Her clothes were dirty and torn.  She had vampire dust covering her.  She
obviously wasn't taking care of herself after her battles.  Her eyes were
closed and there were tears on her face.  She looked exhausted.  The fear
in people's eyes as they looked at the woman they believed was the only
person to save them could only be described as blind terror.

I watched as Willow and Xander approached her and hugged her.  Giles and
her Mom followed, and the hugs were repeated.  Was a hug too much for me to
hope for?  I wanted such a hug from her so bad it hurt.

She smiled at all of them, and then a painful expression came over her face
and she dissolved into tears.  I walked closer.  I couldn't stand it
anymore.  I NEEDED to be closer:  I needed to hear her words.

"Oh God, Giles, I killed him!" she said around her sobs.  The people who
were around her listened to her every word.  This was a legendary slayer...
not often do you get to experience the legends.  "He got his soul back and
he didn't know what was happening, and I killed him!"  She looked at
Willow, who had tears running down her face.  "I had no choice:  the vortex
to hell was open and the whole world would have been sucked into hell!"
The people around her stared, disbelief on their faces.  "It wasn't that
demon bastard.  Him, I could have killed easily...  It was Angel, Giles...
He didn't know what had happened, but he told me loved me... and then I
sent him into hell to close the vortex!"  She dissolved into tears in her
watcher's arms.  I wanted to be holding her right then so bad my teeth
hurt.  I believed that this whole thing actually hurt her more than it hurt
me.  I was used to dealing up close and personal with the demon inside me.

I couldn't stand it any more.  I came up to her and dropped to my knee in
front of her.  "Buffy," I said gently to her hidden face.  My voice was
husky with suppressed tears.  It sounded odd in my own ears.  "You did what
you had to do.  You had no choice.  It wasn't your fault!"

She erupted out of Giles embrace to do battle.  I realized suddenly she
didn't recognize my voice.  She didn't know who I was.  "Like hell, it
wasn't my fault he..."  She stopped and just stared in disbelief...
"Angel?" she said softly, just like she did that fateful day.  I nodded.

"ANGEL!" she screamed, as she launched herself into my arms, hugging and
kissing me hungrily.  If anyone in the church had missed our reunion with
the slayer, they all were looking now, and I didn't care!

Her lips tasted better than I remembered.  Her touch inflamed me, and
brought my need for her to an acute hardness.  She kept crying and saying,
"I thought I'd lost you forever."  All I could say was, "I love you!"  It
was as if I was trying to make up for all the time I should have said it
but was too scared to do so.  I was lost in her touch.  My whole body cried
out for her.  I absorbed her attentions like the desert absorbs the rain.

"Excuse me..."  Giles was attempting to interrupt us.  I briefly wonder how
long had he tried to separate us.  I flashed him a glare that made him step
back a step.  He continued, though.  "Let's get rid of the vampires, so we
can all go home?"  It made sense, even though it was the last thing I
wanted to do right then.  I was in heaven with Buffy in my arms... but what
I really wanted to do wasn't appropriate to do in front of an altar, or in
a church full of people, either.  The demon in me squirmed.

Buffy whined as I released her.  "Later, love," I whispered in her ear.
She looked me in the eye and nodded.  I kissed her forehead.  The fight and
the spirit was back in my love.  We were going to dust some vampire ass.

"Willow, do you have the spell to seal a dwelling?" I asked her quickly,
going into Slayerette mode.  She nodded.  "The faster we deal with these
bastards, the faster we can get home.  Implement the spell on the church
now.  These people in here are sitting ducks."  The priest and those nearby
me looked up in fear and shock.

"Father, who has maps on the nearby abandoned mines?"  He thought and when
he looked like he remembered, I told him, "Get them to bring the maps here.
 We will finish this tonight."  I collected Xander and Joyce, and we went
out to the car and brought in the weapons.  We readied the stakes and other
weapons, and it wasn't long until the maps had arrived.  Giles and the
others pored over the maps, while Buffy and I went hunting for a fledgling
more than willing to exchange information for a quick death.

Once we had the maps, it didn't take long to figure out where they were
hiding.  Buffy, Giles, Xander, and I went to attack them, leaving Willow
and Joyce at the church.  As we left, I saw Joyce staring at the result of
the damage the vampires did to the town:  the mourning of the survivors of
the fallen.  I think that was when she finally saw the necessity of the
slayer.  It would likely make Buffy's life easier in the future.

The battle was tight and furious.  We succeeded because they never expected
Buffy to be in top form and with friends.  They were also shocked at a
vampire helping the slayer.  We fought all night, picking off the stragglers.

We returned to the church before dawn.  We collected Willow and Joyce and
tried to leave, except we were hugged and kissed by everybody.  Being
around so many mortals made my skin crawl, and I escaped to the limo.  It
took the others a while longer to get out.

While alone in my solitude, I sat in the dark limousine and thought.  She
loves me.  All those horrible things I did, and she still loves me.
Granted, she stabbed me through the chest and sent me to hell, but in the
total picture, it was minor.  I sat in the dark, waiting for them to come
out.  I needed her so badly it hurt.

Eventually they climbed in.  Buffy came over to me immediately and curled
up beside me, putting her head on my chest and instantly falling asleep.
She must have been exhausted.  Feeling her hair and her soft breath on my
chest was erotic.  I looked over at her mother, embarrassed.  I felt
uncomfortable snuggling with Buffy while everyone watched.  But, I was more
than willing to experience the embarrassment to be able to lie there as her
pillow and enjoy her trust in me.

Joyce sat there and watched us.  I felt uncomfortable with the scrutiny.  I
looked at her as I put my arm around Buffy, who smiled in her sleep and
snuggled closer to me, running her hand under my shirt to rest on my chest.
 Buffy let out a contented sigh.  Joyce smiled.  I relaxed.

Buffy was so exhausted, she slept all day.  When night fell, and it became
my turn to go forward to drive, she became upset and restless until she
joined me up front where she promptly lay across the seat with her head in
my lap and went back to sleep.  She seemed to need physical contact from
me.  I didn't mind.  I loved it.

I tried to keep my mind on the road, but all I could think about was her
head in my lap.  She snuggled right up against my erection in her sleep,
and the pressure of her head wasn't helping it soften in the least!  I
drove on, realizing her attentions to me were in total innocence:  she
needed the physical contact.  It was just too bad for me:  it was driving
me crazy in the process.  I didn't think it was possible to drive eight
hundred miles with a hard on...  I learned otherwise.  By the time we
reached Sunnydale, the sun was an hour from rising, and I was nearly setting.

Buffy awoke finally.  I realized that had probably been her first good
sleep in the six months that I was gone.  She looked at me and took my hand
and kissed it.  "I thought you were a dream," she said so softly, running
her tongue over my hand.  My erection snapped back.  It was getting
painful!  "How did you get back from hell?"  She unconsciously stroked my
thigh.  I had a problem making complete sentences, but I finally told her
the entire story.

"I thought I'd lost you forever!"  She started to cry.  I put my arm around
her and pulled her into me tight.

"No, Buffy," I told her softly.  "I thought I'd lost *you* forever!  I knew
you would never go to hell, so I knew that I couldn't even look forward to
seeing you when it was your time to cross over."  I don't know where it
came from but it just came out.  "I love you.  I tried not to, but I can't
help myself.  I know we have a lot to work on, but I want you in my life
forever."  OOPS!  So much for letting her set the pace!  I had just blown
that plan all to hell.

"Are you proposing to me?"  Shocked at her assumption, I glanced at her.
As she asked, her face lit up with a bright smile, and she unconsciously
licked her lips while her pupils dilated and her heartbeat increased.  I
hadn't officially been asking that, but since she seemed to like the idea
so much, I grabbed the opportunity.

"Yeah.  I guess I am."  I looked out to the road.  I didn't want to profess
my love then kill her in a car accident.  "Will you marry me, Buffy?"  So
much for romance.  Proposing in the car while both of us needed showers,
being covered with the dust of dead vampires, not to mention having her
mother in the back of the car.  That should make my record for the inane.
I distracted myself.  I was terrified that she didn't want me.  Never had I
put so much on the line.

"Yes, Angel.  I will marry you."  She kissed my hand as she told me that,
and I stared at her.  She had to redirect my attention to the road.  I was
happiest I had ever been, and no curse would break it now!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

We dropped Willow and Xander at their respective houses.  I wondered
briefly what they told their parents of our little interstate trip, and
realized I really didn't care.  We dropped Giles off at the library, as I
wondered why he even bothered to have a house.

We dropped Joyce at her house.  Buffy had made it clear to her mother
during the ride home that she wasn't moving back home with her.  Joyce
wasn't happy, but she was relieved that Buffy was back in Sunnydale.

I hesitantly asked Buffy where she wanted me to drop her off.  I had no
idea what her plans were.  She smiled at me with the little smile, the one
that means I was in a lot of trouble.  "Take me home with you, Angel."  She
stroked her hand up my leg from the knee to my upper thigh.  I swallowed hard.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked her.  It was a big step to go from
living with your parents to living with someone, especially someone with my
proclivities.  Having her live with me was beyond my wildest thoughts or
even fantasies.  She was my dream, my passion.  Now she offered it all to
me on a silver platter.  She laughed deep in her throat.  "Yes, I am sure,
Angel."  I just nodded.  I couldn't talk.

We arrived right before dawn.  I hadn't pushed the dawn like this in a
century.  I knew it was going to be worth it, though.  Buffy walked in
carrying her bags, and I followed carrying the rest.  I looked at the
luggage, and realized it was real.  Buffy was moving in with me!  She would
eat and sleep in my apartment.  She would sleep in my bed next to me.

My apartment was a mess.  I looked around:  dust was all over things, and
the bed was unmade.  My memory flashed back to the night of her birthday
when she gifted me with the gift of her love, and I repaid it with her own
demon trip through hell.  I had to make it up to her.

I reached for her and she came into my arms as if we had never been apart.
This time we didn't have an audience.  I couldn't believe my luck:  all
that I had put her through, and she still loved me!  Right then, I thanked
the Goddess who made it possible for me to return to her.

"Let's take a shower and wash off the gore," I whispered in her ear.  She
nodded, and together we walked toward the bathroom.  She stopped suddenly
and looked up at me with her big eyes wide "Together?" she asked softly.  I
nodded.

"Unless you don't want to.  I thought it would be fun,"  I told her.  I
kicked myself.  She still was a little skittish:  she had been a virgin on
that fateful night of her seventeenth birthday...

She smiled and pulled me into the bathroom and started to strip.  Smiling
at her virginal exuberance, I stopped her.  She had her back to me and
partially removed her shirt.  I then saw the tattoo on her right shoulder
blade.  A small replica of mine, colored in.  "Angel's girl," read the text
over it in Celtic script.  I was floored.  "What is this?" I asked her,
stroking it.  It was new and fresh, less than a week or so old.

"My memorial for you," she said softly.  She seemed shy for the fact.  She
loved me enough to etch my name into her skin, forever.  I couldn't speak,
so I turned her toward me and kissed her.  I slowly removed her shirt.
When we had made love it had been passion-filled, but we had actually seen
very little of each other.  I wanted to SEE her!

She stayed still as I slowly removed her bra, releasing her breasts from
their confinement.  I sank to my knees and found myself at just the right
height to worship them properly.  I kissed each nipple before I settled in,
paying particular attention to the right one, while playing with the left
one with my fingers.  I ran my tongue over the soft curves and the little
aureole.

She moaned and arched into my attentions.  My sucking became harder as she
twitched and moaned.  While continuing with my attention to her breasts, I
pulled down her pants, and she stepped out of them.  She stood there
completely nude.  I could smell her musky smell, which made me giddy.

I pulled back and looked at her:  she was on her toes, arched for my touch.
 She was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.  My erection was
painful.  She opened her eyes slowly and smiled as she said softly, "My
turn.  Stand up."  I could do naught but obey.

I stood and she came close and ran her hands over my shirt.  I wore it
through hell and back, literally, and it looked like it.  It had the cut
from the sword she had thrust into my chest, scorch marks, and tears from
the battle.  She looked at it minimally and removed it slowly, splaying her
fingers over my skin as she did so.

She trailed kisses over my chest, and stopped at my nipple.  I groaned as
she nipped and sucked on it.  Her warm, moist mouth on my chest was driving
me insane!  She went to the other one and then nibbled down my abdomen.

I could tell she was enjoying what she was doing.  I could smell her
moisture building between her legs.  While it was stimulating for me, it
was also obviously erotic for her.  I stopped my impulse to take it further
and let her play.

She smiled hesitantly and grabbed hold of my belt.  I wanted to be inside
her so much it hurt.  I held my passion and she began to undo my leather
pants and pull them down.  "I love the leather pants, Angel," she breathed
huskily, running her nails over my erection in a lover's caress.  "Consider
them a major part of my wardrobe," I whispered back.  If she were that easy
to please!  At that moment I would have worn a tutu if it would please her.
 She finished releasing my pants and pulled them down.

She was partially bent over pulling down my pants, so my erection bounced
out at eye level to her.  She seemed startled by it in some way.  She
looked up to me with eyes wide.  "It's so big!"  I smiled.  It was nice to
be appreciated by your lover.  She hadn't had a good look at me that night.
 She seemed a little afraid of it.  I thought our little morning delight
had been canceled for virginal fear.  I was wrong.

She surprised me.  She dropped to her knees and kissed the head of my
penis.  Her mouth was soft, moist and warm and everything I had ever
fantasized about.  She slowly took me into her mouth and experimented with
licking and suction.  I thought I would lose my mind.  My knees became weak
and I held onto her shoulder for balance.

She was obviously inexperienced, trying things she must have read about.
Her inexperience excited me.  Here was the woman I loved, and I would be
able to initiate her into the pleasures and joys of sex.  I licked my lips
in anticipation.

I had to pull her off of me, I couldn't take much more.  I pulled her up to
standing, and lifted her off the floor into a deep kiss.  While kissing, I
reached in and started the shower.  I wanted us both to be clean when we
made love.  She smiled and stepped into the shower, and I followed.

I wet her hair slowly and then shampooed her hair.  She stood there slowly
as I washed her body everywhere.  I softly stroked her breasts, and her
taut abdomen.  I briefly wondered if she would regret that I could not give
her children.  I pushed the thought away.  I washed between her legs, and
smiled as her knees bucked under the attention.  Anywhere I touched her
seemed to stimulate her more.  When I knew she was totally scrubbed, I
rinsed her off.

She then returned the favor.  She washed my hair.  She oohhed and aaahhhed
over the scorching my hair took in hell.  I told her not to worry about it.
 It was nothing now.

She lathered my body and then proceeded to drive me crazy with scrubbing
every piece of skin I had with her hands.  She stroked my arms and chest.
She scrubbed down my legs and calves.  I had to bite my lip as she scrubbed
my penis and scrotum.  The more she handled it, the more there was to
handle.  She rinsed me off from the soap and continued to play with me.
She giggled and played with my erection and scrotum with the innocence of
youth and discovery, bouncing them and stroking them, watching as they
responded to different stimuli.  I tried to just stand there and let her
play, but I was losing control.  I caught myself growling in the back of my
throat.  She laughed and kissed me.

I couldn't stand it any longer.  I lifted her up and slid her gently down
onto my straining erection.  She gasped as I felt myself entering into her
slightly, and wrapped her legs around my hips as I slid home.  She cried
out as I felt her maidenhood again.  I moaned deeply and thrust hard
through the obstruction and she cried out in pain and pleasure.  Her legs
tightened around me hard.

I placed her back up against the wall of the shower and kissed her deeply
as I slid in and out of her as she thrust up against me.  She moaned and
said nonsense syllables and half words interspersed with my name.  I kept
it up until she came screaming my name loud enough to wake the dead... and
most certainly every next door neighbor!

Life isn't fair to us guys.  A woman can have several orgasms to our one...
so I made sure she had her count before I allowed myself the finality.  I
felt myself getting close, and I transformed, my teeth finding her neck.

Again she welcomed my teeth in my need.  As she orgasmed, I sank my teeth
into her throat.  Her warm blood pulsed in my mouth driven by her orgasm
which was driven by my cock as I pulsed deep within her womb.  She screamed
my name as she came.

I pulled away before I drank too much.  The power in a slayer's blood is
incredible.  To take it at orgasm just makes it stronger.  I licked at the
wound as it closed.  She held onto me weak and spent as I nuzzled her neck.

It was a good thing I that owned the building, or our noisy lovemaking
could have had me evicted.  I smiled at the thought of eviction for noisy sex.

She just hung on me, spent.  She was exhausted and, once the immediate
passion was over, she folded like a house of cards.  I rinsed her off and
carried her out of the shower, and immediately she started to shiver.  Damn
it!  I had forgotten to turn on the heat when we came in.  I forget things
like that, since I don't need it.

I quickly dried her off and wrapped her in a large fluffy towel and carried
her to the bed.  I laid her on my bed and tucked her in.  She looked up at
me with a big smile and said, "Please, Angel!  Come to bed with me!"  Like
she had to ask...  I nodded and slid in beside her.

She fell asleep with a big smile on her face.  Despite my being cold to the
touch, she snuggled up next to me and put her head on my chest and threw an
arm across my abdomen.  She loved me.  She had accepted my proposal of
marriage and had moved in with me.  She had made love to me and bared her
throat in passion to me.  I was happier than I had ever been in my life,
alive or undead.  This time no curse would tear it from me.

I watched her sleep until I fell asleep, as the sun rose outside my
apartment on our new life together.

Fin